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fandomsecrets2008-02-14 04:00 pm
degrees.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-02-14 04:00 pm
[ SECRET POST #405 ]
⌈ Secret Post #405 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Last day to submit for next week!
Happy Valentines Day to everyone! ♥♥♥
Also, just a note: Dude, bitmaps are HUGE. Please don't submit secrets in bitmap format. I redid one today to a jpeg, because I was feeling nice, but we will make a special section down in the not posted secrets in the future for bitmaps. We're trying to make the page as easy to load for everyone as we can. Thanks!
Secrets Left to Post: 4 pages, 81 secrets from Secret Submission Post #058.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, [ 1 2 3 4 ] not!secrets, 0 not!fandom, [ 1 2 3 4 5 ] too big, [ 1 ] ...the hell?.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Friday, February 15th, 2008.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: 59
Such as?
A lot of sentences could be interpreted in a hundred different ways, and also a lot of them just make you go "WHUT?". Also, if some of the phrasing is confusing, the betas should tell you. And a lot of things were really REALLY obvious, and I just can't believe you and all the betas missed them, even after going over the chapter several times, while I noticed right away. It doesn't make sense.
Well, apparently we all did. Oops.
It really wasn't.
I'm sorry it didn't work for you, then.
Re: 59
(Anonymous) 2008-02-15 12:42 pm (UTC)(link)- The whole scene in the office in Chapter four, cause we have no idea what Phoenix is trying to say the whole time, and we don't know what he thinks about Edgeworth's feelings. Also, in Chapter five, Phoenix says something about "yelling at each other in the office", but the whole conversation in the office didn't sound like they were yelling at all.
- The part where Edgeworth makes Phoenix wait for an hour before going to the restaurant, only to find out later that nothing happened apparently.
- In Chapter three, was Edgeworth drunk driving? He must not have been sober to decide to kiss Phoenix. And he's only had one beer at Phoenix's place, which implies that he wasn't in a condition to drive his car when they got back from the restaurant. Plus, he drives again when he leaves.
- Also, you should never end your sentences with ellipses if it's not something that's obvious. We can't keep guessing what you're trying to say.
There's more, but those are the obvious ones.
Well, apparently we all did. Oops.
Yeah, that's really the right attitude to adopt. I thought you took crit well? I'm just trying to help, you know.
Re: 59
Well, I know this is probably going to come off as a cheap answer, but this scene--while its main point was to show how nervous Edgeworth was--also goes back to trying to set things up for later (much later, in some cases, so I can see how that could be frustrating.) I can understand how some of those details might be bewildering in that they don't seem to go anywhere--I'm sure there are other things you noticed that seemed to get too much detail to be dropped as quickly as they seemed to be--but this is a WIP.
In Chapter three, was Edgeworth drunk driving? He must not have been sober to decide to kiss Phoenix. And he's only had one beer at Phoenix's place, which implies that he wasn't in a condition to drive his car when they got back from the restaurant. Plus, he drives again when he leaves.
We did talk about that a little. Yeah, he was tipsy driving back. Bad choice on his part, but.
Yeah, that's really the right attitude to adopt. I thought you took crit well? I'm just trying to help, you know.
I'm sorry if I seemed snippy, but I'm not sure what else I can say. I know it's bewildering to you to think that nobody seemed to "catch" these things that you're pointing out, and trust me, it's just as bewildering to me. I do value your opinion; it's just an odd contrast when talking to people when we've specifically asked if things were clear and if they've flowed. So I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry it was confusing for you and we'll try to make things clearer in the future with what you've said in consideration. I know the writing's not perfect by a long shot, and there are a lot of things we could have done better, so I appreciate your telling us that things skew too opaque in some scenes--it's just that I also think there seem to be some basic differences as far as our takes on how Phoenix's mind works, which is fine.
Re: 59
(Anonymous) 2008-02-16 02:36 am (UTC)(link)Actually, like I said before, I noticed more stuff that doesn't get much detail at all but that's still in there. A lot of it seems pretty pointless and makes you wonder why it's even there in the first place, and I really doubt that all of it is foreshadowing.
We did talk about that a little. Yeah, he was tipsy driving back. Bad choice on his part, but.
Well, this is kinda bad. Edgeworth would never drink and drive. Especially not with Phoenix and Maya in the car.
I know it's bewildering to you to think that nobody seemed to "catch" these things that you're pointing out, and trust me, it's just as bewildering to me.
To go back to the grammar mistakes, here's some of the obvious stuff I was talking about:
"Are you too tired for a quick cup of coffee, or should I just drop you off at home?"
That sentence makes no sense whatsoever. It would make sense if it said "Are you awake enough". Otherwise, he's just repeating the same thing twice.
"If there something—"
"Oh, quite sulking, Nick; I was just kidding,"
See what I mean?
Edgeworth was also surprisingly straightforward taste in food.
And someone has to explain to me how you can read that sentence and not realize that it makes no sense.
There's a lot more, but you get the idea.
Re: 59
She was referring to driving home from the apartment. Edgeworth wasn't quite as drunk when he kissed Phoenix as you think he was, though it was my mistake for not making it clear he had more than one beer at the apartment. I apologize.
See what I mean?
Yes, indeed I do. Thank you.
Re: 59
(Anonymous) 2008-02-15 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)From an outsider's perspective, the anon hasn't been rude at all. They've been direct and honest. This is exactly the way my beta readers speak to me and it always leads to an improvement in my work.
If you get con crit in the future, it's always best not to reply immediately. Give yourself some time so that you can look at the crit as objectively as possible.
Re: 59
Re: 59
(Anonymous) 2008-02-16 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)Me too, and it definitely can sting, especially when you worked really hard on something. But even if I don't always agree, I do find that seeing something from someone else's perspective helps me become a better writer.
Re: 59
I agree that anon has been polite and not rude to the two writers, but honestly, I can't help but disagree. The things she doesn't say are clear, I personally found them clear when I beta'd.
Maybe there are problems that I didn't notice, but I honestly disagree. Still, it is good concrit from an objective perspective.
Re: 59
(Anonymous) 2008-02-16 02:08 pm (UTC)(link)I jumped in to the conversation because they were receiving good crit (from an objective perspective, as you said) and I would hate for a writer to miss an opportunity to improve their work.
Thanks for replying and I hope all goes well with future chapters. :)