Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-10-30 07:13 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-10-30 07:13 pm
[ SECRET POST #3222 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3222 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[Death Parade]
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[From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series]
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[Sean Bean/Accused]
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[Bones/Sleepy Hollow]
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17. [WARNING for abuse/torture]
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18. [WARNING for suicide]
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19. [WARNING for non-con]
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20. [WARNING for pedophilia and incest]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #460.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-10-31 12:15 am (UTC)(link)It's not the person's fault at all and we can't imagine what they're going through at all, but it can be really exhausting.
I'm trying to be there for my BPD friend, while also struggling with my depression and anxiety and on some days I just want to give up. She doesn't want to get therapy because it won't work either way or all the doctors are neurotypicals and she's starting to post about contemplating suicide again and I'm just at my wits end. Nothing what I say helps at all. Every day we're back to zero and sometimes I just cry cause I don't know how to help her anymore. I can't repeat the same things over and over can I (while also trying to not tell her that all the fictionkin stuff she's really into now is bullshit).
I KNOW it's not her fault, but it's just really exhausting.
Anyone have any tips? :(
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(Anonymous) 2015-10-31 12:03 pm (UTC)(link)Might be the same person, might not be. If I look at the other people she keeps talking you, there are some pretty similar people around.
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(Anonymous) 2015-10-31 03:26 am (UTC)(link)That said, there is only so much help you can (and should) provide for someone who refuses to help themselves. Putting this politely: your friend is making excuses. Maybe it's because they're scared, but to be honest, this is still on them. They know they have a problem, and they're not trying to get help for it. Instead, she leans heavily on you despite the fact that it makes you feel frustrated and depressed. That's not what a good friend does.
It may seem heartless, but you need to stop being a nonstop source of sympathy for both her good and yours. If she needs to vent, set a brief and strict time limit on it, say 15 minutes. Then you talk about something cheerful. If she can't do that, say you're sorry and you hope she's feeling better soon and you'll talk to her later AND THEN LEAVE THE CONVERSATION. If she keeps having the same kinds of problems (especially if they're self created), stop repeating advice. Say, "I'm sorry and I wish I could help you, but this is something a therapist would be better at handling." If she keeps at you: "Sorry. It sounds like you need to talk to a professional." If she won't quit, tell her a cheerful goodbye, talk to you later, etc. AND THEN LEAVE THE CONVERSATION.
Each time you see her, pretend like it's a blank slate. Everything is cool and you're friends, until she starts this up again. Then apologize, change the subject abruptly and if that doesn't work, bow out of the conversation. If she confronts you, be kind, but honest about why. "I hate to see you feel so bad about yourself, but I can't keep rehashing the same problems over and over when nothing changes. It's making my own issues with depression and anxiety worse, and I don't think it's helping you, either. I'm happy to talk about something else, though."
If she threatens suicide, forward her this:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
They have a toll free number AND online chat. If she absolutely will not quit, feel free to call the police and/or her parents if you know her location. You might feel like a total bastard for doing this, but if she's serious than she needs the help. If she's not serious, then she needs to quit using suicide threats as emotional blackmail on you. Frankly, my money is on the latter, but it's good to cover your bases just in case.
With the fictionkin nonsense? It might help to remember that some people use silly or extreme coping methods when they have mental health issues. You don't have to indulge her unless you want to, but it sounds like you don't want to. Feel free to reply to any fictionkin stuff with, "Uh huh. [subject change]"
In the end, we train people how to behave around us. If people behave badly and you reward them with more of your attention, then you've taught them that this is what they need to do to get your attention. Don't reward them, and remember to take care of your own depression and anxiety first.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-10-31 04:34 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-10-31 12:02 pm (UTC)(link)Thank you for your long and thoughtful answer. I will try some of that stuff. :)