[ SECRET POST #3223 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3223 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #461.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. https://i.imgur.com/Va86WWj.png

[dreemyweird]

Go tell 'em!! Russians have this nice saying, "it's better to do something and regret it than not do it and regret it". It is obviously inapplicable in a whole range of different cases, but I like to repeat it to myself when there's a thing I'm wishing I could do but can't quite gather to courage to go through with.

[(Anonymous)]

If you never ask, the answer is always "no."

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, this. It feels like a huge risk, but anything worth having in life usually is. Go for it, OP!

[(Anonymous)]

You could always find another new fandom to share? Or give their new fandoms a shot, unless you have a particular reason for avoiding them?

FWIW, my SO and I also met through a fandom that ended not long after we started hitting it off. We found other mutual interests, though, and introduced each other into our other fandoms... more than five years later, we're still going strong, and so is our fannishness. :)

[(Anonymous)]

What's the harm in just coming out and telling them? You're convinced you're going to drift apart anyway, so it's not like the risk of losing them in a worst-case scenario is any greater.

As for the best-case scenario... well. :D

[herpymcderp]

Better to just have out with it, OP. Rejection isn't worse than wondering what might have been.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm in the exact same situation. My heart hurt reading this because I desperately wished it was from my 'person.'

Sincerely,

A grown up professional woman who should know better.

[insanenoodlyguy]

If your at risk of drifting apart anyway, might as well make your speech. Only maybe cut off most of that, and go with "I like you, maybe we should be dating"

[(Anonymous)]

This. All the stuff about getting married, etc. sounds cute when it's in the movies but in real life it can come off as a bit freakishly overattached, especially if OP has never brought this up before.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Ha ha if I ever do get the courage I'd never actually say it in those words (mostly because I don't actually ever want to get married and neither do they) I just put that in because I could.

[elaminator]

It's been said but I think you should tell them. At worst you'll go through an awkward phase but retain your friendship, or you'll drift apart like you fear. At best... Well, you'll have the partner you've been wanting. (Which is a pretty big plus!)

At the end of the day it's your call, but hiding these sort of feelings is extremely painful and can cause problems in your relationship anyway if you aren't careful.

Also, “Could have been's" hurt so much.

[beverlykatz]

I met my last girlfriend through online fandom. We were together for over a year, and it was a really wonderful relationship. (Broke up because of distance, sadly, but it happens.) It can happen, OP! At the very least, it sounds like you have a friendship worth holding onto. If you don't feel ready to tell them about your feelings, tell them that you value their friendship and want to stay in touch even if your fandom interests start to diverge. Good luck!

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe don't go with "I've been secretly in love with you for years pls marry me instantly" but something more casual about developing feelings for the person, wondering if they'd be interested in seeing if there's something there...no pressure, but you care about them, and would hate to miss out on the opportunity for something wonderful to develop?

Best of luck, OP! :-)

TELL THIS PERSON!

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, the worst that can happen ...is that you get married and find out they're actually terrible people, and they do things to you that you can't undo. But that doesn't flow automatically from telling them.

OK, the worst that can happen from telling them is that they'll get your real address, and their enemies hunt you down and hurt you to hurt them. And their worst enemy is their imaginary friend Tyler.

More likely, though, the worst thing likely to happen is that they're unavailable. And then you'll know.

But it might work out! Take a chance!

[(Anonymous)]

I have a friend who married her fandom crush, and she's still going strong what, five years later. I have another casual friend who is engaged to her RP partner, and they've been together at least maybe 4-5 years. My brother married the person he met online, and so did a few other people he met.

It's not that out there to fall in love with a fandom friend. And it doesn't always end poorly, either.