fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3228 ]

[ SECRET POST #3228 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3228 ⌋

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advice thread

There's this forum I left a while ago because a couple of people were openly hostile towards some members, me included. I think it's a pretty toxic environment, but it's also the only place where I can discuss my fic-writing process/ask for betas, and my writing gets a lot worse when I don't have people to discuss fic with. Do I go back to the gross toxic forum or do I keep avoiding them like the plague?

There's surely another forum dedicated to fic that isn't toxic, right?

Is there any reason why you haven't searched for another one?

I have tried to find other forums, but the fandom tends to attract very young fans - like, 'tweens' young - to the point that I've seen people listing 'getting good grades in English in middle school' as their credentials for being a good beta. People in this forum are the only people my age I've been able to find who are interested in the fandom.

Which to be fair is probably a sign I should find a better fandom.

Maybe ask on f!s, then? I know a couple of people have asked for betas here and it's seemed to work out.

Or look for a forum that's generally interested in the general subject matter? Like if it's an book, video game, or cartoon or things there's places for that general interest rather than fandom specific.

I guess you probably won't have someone whose super familiar with the source material, but it's better than nothing or dealing with that awful forum.

Yeah i think I'll try it out. tbh even no forum is better than going back to these people.

DA

What's the fandom?

It's a small fandom. Saying it would give me away. Come off anon and I'll pm you if you want.

I don't have an account, was just thinking if it was something that someone here might be interested in, you could find a beta here? Maybe start a thread one day.

Good idea! I'll try it out.

I have this online friend who I recently found out is in an abusive relationship. They realize their relationship is toxic, though they themselves won't use the word abusive.

I'm just not really sure how to help them. I really care about this person even though we've never actually met. We're about as close as you can get for just being friends online.

I tried to respond to things they said by being encouraging and telling them I think they are strong enough to figure things out for themselves and telling them that they are worth it and what they want matters (the guy is selfish and cheats but then gets possessive).

I'm just not sure what else I can say that might help. We're not close enough that I can just say "dump the douche." I want to be the person who encourages them to see value in themselves and their desires. Is there anything else I can do to help them?

I've been there. Several times. And... I'm sorry, anon, but there are no easy answers. :( If you come up with one, let me know. Heh.

What I will tell you is that in 99% of these instances, the women in question eventually left. But they did it on their own terms, and in some cases it took a while. Years, even. All we could really do was validate their concerns and be there for them.

There isn't a whole lot you can say or do, unfortunately. Keep reminding them that they don't deserve to be treated badly and offer general support, I guess. If it becomes too much for you (i.e. being their emotional dumping ground) then I'd try gently limiting how much of it you're exposed to while strongly encouraging them to seek therapy, counseling (not couples counseling, but individual counseling for them) and offering information and resources about women's shelters, etc.

And be prepared for her to stay regardless, because a lot of people in abusive relationships do.

I've been contacting potential PhD supervisors, and one that I'd love to work with who is at a very good school gave me an awesome reply. She asked me to send her a draft of my proposal, and now anxiety is kicking me in the face. It's not done, and while I know the topic is the one I want to do, it needs a lot of fine-tuning. Plus, it's an extension of my MA, but as I write the proposal I keep feeling like everything I write sounds like basically the same thing I wrote in my MA, but just more... in-depth? Theoretically?

This professor was kind enough to offer to take a look and give some feedback, so I really want to impress her, but I've worked myself into being way too embarrassed of what I do have. This isn't my formal application but I know it's still my shot at making a good impression.

So, those of you who have written PhD proposals, any advice? It's for a humanities topic.

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[ SECRET POST #3228 ]

Advice thread

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PhD proposal anxiety