[ SECRET POST #3234 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3234 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.
[Golden Girls]


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02.
[Boku no Hero Academia]


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03.
[C.S. Lewis vs. J.R.R. Tolkien]


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04.
[Pokémon, Leah Remini]


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05.
[Tales of Zestiria]


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06.
[The Man In The High Castle]


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07.
[Marjorie Liu, Sana Takeda, Monstress]


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08.
[Sleepy Hollow]








Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #462.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: TW: abuse

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Something similiar happened to me, and it messed me up for a long time.

It's better to feel angry than to feel guilty about cutting the person out of your life.
My abuser did this whole "all my previous friends always abandoned me based on tiny mistakes, you won't be like that, right?" thing since the beginning. Once she got caught doing something bad to us the first time, she apologised, but also accused us of planning to abandon her, and not allowing "one single mistake". She also started her next round of manipulation right as she was apologising for the first one.

I kept finding out she had manipulated me more, getting angry, forgiving, finding out more. Eventually I had to cut all ties, because it was clear to me that any time I acted benign towards her, she would take advantage of, and use against me, and try to use me to hurt other people I cared about. She saw people as her tools when she thought they were "on her side", and if we weren't, she tried to drag everyone down enough times that, eventually, someone other than her would land the guilty side up.

But cutting her out meant she got to be right about the whole "I knew you were like everyone else and abandoned me for making one mistake" thing. I blamed myself a lot for having to do that - she took a pretty hard fall, when many people cut her out at the same time, and she lost her narcissistic supply. For me, the anger about getting tricked, feeling stupid, was better, because it didn't make me feel as terrible as the guilt.

But eventually it's good to let go of the anger. I don't think it can be done before you really work through it, or before something else comes along that becomes a bigger focus for your life. However, don't hold onto the anger just for the sake of being angry. The anger works best as a road to being in the kind of an emotional state, where you can be more content again. The anger is something you feel in order to eventually stop feeling it.

But yeah, it's normal. This person played a trick on your mind, and people are pretty attached to their minds, and don't like finding out that someone secretly made a mess there, and now, suddenly, a lot of perceptions amd emotions have to be rearranged, since they apparently were misplaced, and that misplacement has probably caused a lot of difficulties already.

I think for me it got better once I got a clearer picture of what had already happened, kinda like the fake perceptions got overwritten by more accurate ones, and I no longer had to feel like I was on a wobbly ground with how I saw these situations.

People have to have some kind of a comfort zone in how they perceive the world, because otherwise we'd have to doubt ourselves all the time, which is really taxing. It's good to expand that comfort zone, get out of it sometimes, but feeling like you've been suddenly tossed completely out of it, without your own permission, is very disorientating and probably scary. It's the kind of a situation that makes people feel stupid and vulnerable and doubtful. Anger is a pretty understandable reaction to that.

Remember, however, that these people take advantage of other people's empathy, and empathy itself is a good and important thing to have. She used or tricked you because you had something good to give, kind of like a thief stealing something because it's valuable. It's not your fault. And at least empathy can be renewable, you can still have it even after your abuser tricked you into giving it to her.