fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3238 ]

[ SECRET POST #3238 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3238 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #463.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm kind of curious to know if anyone else does this, but I have maybe 3-4 fandom crushes that I cycle through periodically. Each one has their own special story I tell and retell in my head, usually some epic adventure/romance thing. Usually it's self insert RPF (yeah, embarrassing) but sometimes it's AU. Whenever I have a spare moment or when I'm trying to fall asleep, I tell this story to myself and daydream it like it's a movie. Sometimes I add in new bits, but they're usually the same story. When I've reached the end, I either replay it or start on the next one.

I've been doing this for, oh... 8-9 years? I thought I'd get tired of it, but I don't. Occasionally I'll discover a new crush and then add another story so it's grown from one story to two, then three, etc. I only recently added a fourth. Nobody knows I do this, not even my closest friends. I don't write it down anywhere, nor will I ever do so, it's a comforting coping mechanism for stress that I keep private.

Does anyone else do this?

I'm pretty sure this is normal. I just imagine sappy h/c scenarios for my brotps instead. It's been more than three years since I got into my main fandom, and I'm not tired of these fantasies in the least :D So go you.

At least you only do it when you have the time. I totally don't take walks or go running in the park just to flesh out my silly little fantasies or anything. Not me >___>;

I used to do this allll the time right before bed. Not so much any more.

I still do this while waiting to fall asleep.

Except the characters involved tend to be my OTP's, which are often my BioWare characters and their LI's (who I admittedly have crushes on). I think of it like my own personal fanfic that no one else is ever going to see, lol.

There is a reason for it, though (beyond, "I find it enjoyable", which I do); if I don't come up with something fun and positive to focus on, I'll start freaking out about something else and wind up not being able to sleep. I'm a worrier. (Either freaking out OR getting focused on the wrong thing, then my thoughts will circle around and around and I won't be able to shut off. I've even had songs that got into my head and stayed there so persistently that it stopped me from sleeping. It never happens with 'fanfic'.)

Out of curiosity... what made you stop? was it a conscious decision or something that accidentally happened? I can't imagine not doing this, I feel like my life would be very empty without all that daydreaming so...

I still do this. Tends to happen when I'm bored/get way into something (usually bored/feeling lonely) or there are more important things to be done. Each of my "crushes" becomes my love for a period of time, until I have...I wouldn't say outgrown, but moved on. And then there is another, I suppose until I actually find someone in my life. But all those fictional men will be dear to me, as some of them have helped me grow.

I sometimes will write self insert fics that never see the light of day (except the very first time when I wrote it in a notebook and gave it to my my best friend for safe keeping). Other times I just day dream or play out scenarios while I'm at work, cleaning, cooking...just fills the time. Occasionally I'll even pair up songs with certain scenarios or self insert fics I'm writing, so every time I hear the song, I think back to those scenes!

Nothing weird! At least I don't think it is, unless you start blurring the lines between reality and your imagination/desire.

Yup.

Yes. I have one "main" story that I have been imagining for 20+ years and it's tangentially related to two fandoms. The main character's husband has got a stable personality and backstory, but his appearance and minor personality elements have changed over time depending on who my fandom crush happens to be. (He's usually a combo of two certain people [one musician, one actor], but sometimes, I'll see some new actor or character and be like, "Hold on, pretend he's him!.")

Then I have a handful of unrelated stories that I think of instead at random intervals. Like, uh, a few years ago I was obsessed with the British crime drama Waking the Dead, with an uncomfortable crush on Boyd/Trevor Eve (I find him attractive, but, uhhhh, he kind of looks like my dad?), and I liked to pretend that I was Grace, except Grace was my age. :) (No offense, Sue Johnson, you rock.) I do this with a bunch of fandoms and have done since I was a small child -- my mom says at age 2 I told everyone to call me Peter, after Peter Pan -- and I've never stopped.

I go off into fantasy worlds about these stories all throughout the day, but especially when I'm driving, cooking, cleaning, taking a walk, puttering around my apartment, and waiting to fall asleep.

It's definitely a coping technique for me (against stress and boredom), but oddly, in times of extreme stress, I can't do it. (That's actually my main sign to myself of how upset I am -- I know things are really bad when I can't pretend I'm someone else.) I also never do it while interacting with others -- I can do it privately in my head while I'm silently working in my office with my office-mate, for example, but it stays in my head and never spills over into real life.

And it's usually completely voluntary except in one way: my mom died a few years ago, and I've never been able to really cry for her, because the instant I start crying, I imagine I'm my main character crying over something in her story. And I don't want to do this! I WANT to cry over my mother and remain "myself" the whole time, I don't want to dissociate into my character, but by the time I notice what I've done and try to bring myself back to myself, the emotion has passed and I stop crying.

I've only ever told my therapist and my mother that I do this, and never in this much detail! You now know something extremely personal about me, and I'm going to resist the urge to go anon and post this. :)

I go through periods where I have a lot of fandom crushes and then periods where I'm focused on just a couple. I'm the same with fandoms: sometimes I'm into a ton of fandoms and sometimes I'm completely focused.

Right now I'm in a just a few phase. I'm mostly focused on Sauron and Missy (Doctor Who) and Thor and Steve Rogers.

Edited 2015-11-16 00:11 (UTC)

I've done this all my life, and I suspect most people do it. People who are not into fandom just use people of their own life for their stories.

Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm relieved and actually kind of touched that other people do this. :)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3238 ]

Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

Re: Weird fandom crush things (a confession)

OP