fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3241 ]

[ SECRET POST #3241 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3241 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Working late again, sorry!

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #463.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I live on my own, have a good job and pay my own bills, so I guess I'm doing ok, but I'm single while everyone around me is married with kids or at least in a long-term relationship, and that makes me feel like a failure. I kind of wish I could at least commiserate with all the people who have trouble finding partners, but I don't even WANT one. I keep telling myself "I don't want to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW, but I will someday" but I'm worried that I might not ever want to. :(

I'm the same, nonny. Take heart in the fact that most of them are probably either going to be divorced or have kids who are brats/fuckups. Better to be alone than wish you were.

Take heart in the fact that most of them are probably either going to be divorced or have kids who are brats/fuckups.

That's a terrible thing to hope for.

You don't have to hope for it. It's going to happen regardless. Subthread OP doesn't have to feel inferior to these people, because their lives aren't all that great.

nayrt

let's put it this way: that's a terrible thing to feel smug about or use to cheer yourself up

AYRT is being holier than though. Your point is valid, and an important one.

It's not about wishing misery on others. It's about remembering that most people have something in their lives that makes them wonder how they can bear it. How they can bear it and keep bearing it.

We tend to assume everyone's relationship is great, but in reality people are often crushingly lonely and have no idea what to do about it. We tend to assume people feel incredibly fulfilled by their children, but in reality some people (while they love their children) also spend a lot of time feeling like they want their life back. We see the beautiful home, not the mortgage stretching out twenty years into the future. We see the person with a great job, not the person who is deeply underwhelmed by their job and wonders how/if they're going to be able to keep doing it for years and years to come. And a couple dozen other things like that.

Those things suck big time and I certainly would not wish them on a person let alone on a friend. They're really, really hard things and there's not always a solution, and if there is one it often sucks too. But they're also normal things to having hanging over you. The person who doesn't having something that makes them wonder how they can bear it is a fortunate person.

*thou

I feel you, anon. I don't think I will ever be in a relationship, and I feel like maybe there might be something wrong with me since all my friends are married or in steady relationships. Sometimes I do think that I would like to have kids because I believe I'd be an awesome mom, but realistically, I don't think I could really deal with being with someone or having kids. I like being alone. I don't feel lonely, I just like doing things on my own, but I feel like society sets things up as if we're all out there looking for someone and we're failures and sad sacks if we're alone, when in reality I'm fine being alone, but I feel like maybe I'm doing it wrong since I get friends asking me if I have met anybody yet. And it annoys me because it makes me feel like they're judging me and feeling sorry that I'm alone and can't find someone when really I'm not looking.

Not wanting to be in a relationship and not being in one is a million times better than wanting to be in a relationship and not being in one.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3241 ]

Re: Failing as an adult

Re: Failing as an adult

nayrt

Re: nayrt

Re: nayrt

Re: nayrt

Re: nayrt

Re: Failing as an adult

Re: Failing as an adult