[ SECRET POST #3241 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3241 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Working late again, sorry!

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #463.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Failing as an adult

[philstar22]

Do you ever feel like a failure as an adult?

I have to close my bank account this week because I can't afford the maintenance fee anymore and I still don't have a job.

Re: Failing as an adult

[morieris]

There's a maintenance fee on a bank account? Have you considerd looking at a credit union?

Re: Failing as an adult

[philstar22]

I didn't have one before because it was a student account, but once I graduated it became a regular account. And American bank accounts charge fees.

I don't actually have any money to make a credit union worth it. I have 13 dollars in my checking and 25 in my savings. I'm completely broke and living off my parents at the moment, hence not feeling like an adult.

Re: Failing as an adult

[philstar22]

Question: how secure are credit unions? I just mentioned to my parents the possibility of opening a credit union account rather than a bank account next time I can open one. They said that was not a good idea because they are not insured by the federal government the way bank accounts are.

Re: Failing as an adult

[kallanda_lee]

Honestly I think I've been failing since I graduated and it' getting progressively worse.

(Also I'm sorry)

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, that's really frustrating.

For me it's mostly romance stuff that makes me feel that way - how everyone around me has access to this experience & this world of sex and romance and romantic intimacy that I just have no experience with. That there's this basic part of maturity that I want to access but just... haven't.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

This is me, too.

And I'm living at home because I can't afford my own place at the moment, either.

Re: Failing as an adult

[philstar22]

I'm there too. I've been on exactly one date in my life, and I'm 30. Although, I've actually kind of figured out that I'm not super interested in romance or dating. I'm mostly just interested in the sex part, but I'm not attractive enough to even be hit on and I'm too shy to actually talk with people. So I'm just kind of stuck.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

Oh yeah, definitely. I got my master's and came back to live with my parents, after spending so much time justifying to them why I was going back to school and taking out more loans.

To be fair, I'm just job hunting now and staying here to save costs, and I have an idea of what I want to do and I think my master's will help me with that. But I haven't gotten any interviews yet, I'm in debt, and have no income. And I'm with the parents, and feel like I'm 20 again instead of 26.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

all day everyday

Re: Failing as an adult

[sarillia]

Yup. I'm living with my parents and have no job partly because I don't have a car and I got rejected from every job I applied for that they would be able to bring me to and from (I really wish there was something within walking distance of my house besides several horse ranches, a church, and a gun club). People try to make me feel better by reminding me I'm still in school but I hate feeling useless. I'm hoping my attempts to sell my knitting work out.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

I'm planning to do my PhD next fall, and my mom gave me a talk today about being sure that's what I want because a) I'll be 30 by the time I get the PhD and that's old and b) I keep traveling/moving (internationally) and never develop a strong social network in one place, and I have few friends in this tiny hometown of mine where everyone's moved away and c) I have no significant partner and she doesn't want me to be too old to have kids.

I wasn't feeling bad before but now I feel like a spinster at 26 who will never have a family and should just find some career type job and be done with it. :-/

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

You need to think about what you want and not what your mom wants you to want.

If you want kids, you do need to give consideration to the fact that time is limited, but having kids doesn't have to mean settling in one place forever or doing anything else in a certain way. My parents moved internationally, had me, then moved internationally again a few years later.

I think local friends are important, but having friends all over is also handy!

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

Got evicted from my apartment a couple months ago and had to move in with my girlfriend.

Which it turns out is super great for both of us, but still. Ow.

Re: Failing as an adult

[meredith44]

Yup. And I'm reminded about it all the time by my family. "You are really using your degrees, I see." "When are you going to get a real job." "Why aren't you doing more with your life?" etc. Plus, I just don't have the money to have a real social life, while most of my friends are married with kids, so I feel left behind there too.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

I live on my own, have a good job and pay my own bills, so I guess I'm doing ok, but I'm single while everyone around me is married with kids or at least in a long-term relationship, and that makes me feel like a failure. I kind of wish I could at least commiserate with all the people who have trouble finding partners, but I don't even WANT one. I keep telling myself "I don't want to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW, but I will someday" but I'm worried that I might not ever want to. :(

Re: Failing as an adult

[caerbannog]

Sure. Last month, for the first time since I moved out, I had to borrow money. I hate it.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry about your bank account. I had to close mine a few years ago because I was so broke. Keep your chin up. Things'll get better.

I feel like a failure when I think about my life. I like my job, but I'm overqualified for it and people sometimes ask why the heck I'm there. I like the kids, the benefits are decent, and I have plenty of time to write, but I'll never be able to move out of the house if I stay there because the pay is crap. I'd like to have a job where getting your eyes clawed isn't a daily occurrence. I feel really immature because all my friends are married with children and I haven't had a date since college.

Re: Failing as an adult

[skeletal_history]

All the time.

I can only handle like one adult thing a day. Call the plumber in the morning -- done for the day. Call my insurance company to dispute a charge -- that's worth two days. Do my taxes -- that's it for the week.

I can't keep up with cleaning my apartment, I stay up hours too late every night and pay for it every morning, I'm too tired to cook dinner so I just eat cereal, I'm a flop. The only things I do right are feed my cats and clean their litterboxes.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

I was in my late 30s before I felt good about my life in any way. Hang in there.

Re: Failing as an adult

[sachiko_san]

I feel you there. Bank of America decided recently to charge people a maintenance fee regardless of whether they have direct deposit or not if they amount being put in is less than 250$. I'm in school, only worked weekends and get paid minimum wage, so that's not happening. I'm very tempted to go to go Ally, since I barely use ATMs.

Re: Failing as an adult

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I tried to do tertiary education but have never managed to finish a course. I did have job for a while, but it was bottom rung supermarket stuff and I grew more and more stressed out by it that after I tried to return to it after surgery I had a breakdown that lead to my disability pension.

I actually think the pension is something that has made my life a lot better - it means I'm not constantly stressed by the runaround of the job market.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

Oh I definitely fail as an adult in most of the main, measurable ways. I'm nearly 30 and:

- The government helps support me due to mental health issues.
- I never went to post secondary so I have no qualifications to speak of.
- I'm Ace (I still have a sex drive, I'm just not attracted to anyone ever) so I have next to no sexual experience involving other people.
- I live with a parent.
- I never learned to drive.


But OTOH:

- I do pay rent, pay utilities, pay bills, buy groceries, do chores, etc.
- I am very good with managing money and paying off/avoiding debt.
- I at least have a part time job (the pay is shit, and the potential for advancement is nil, but the job itself is kind of interesting).
- The parent I live with treats me like an equal, completely and unequivocally. We do things to help each other but it's a two way street.
- Plus I really love living with him.
- I'm getting really good at using public transit.
- I do know a lot about what makes me tick sexually; it's just not other people


Which I guess is just to say that no matter how bad you fail at being an adult (I fail pretty badly), there are often important ways you don't fail too. And the ways you don't fail will often seem like nothing to you, but to someone else they're a big deal, and that other person is going, "If only I could be a good adult in that way."

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who pretty much fails at life, yeah I do.

It was hard watching everyone my age get married/engaged/have kids and get real jobs that weren't for kids or what are considered adult "losers," take care of themselves financially, run a household, etc, and not feel like every capable person wasn't judging me for being a loser whose only future was being a 40-year-old basement dweller in a parent's house.

I am getting better at accepting who I am, and changing my perceptions and recognizing societal expectations vs MY expectations and not letting the former influence my decisions as much as it used to.

I'm also realizing a lot of judgments were coming from people who were supposed to be on my side but instead were being manipulative assholes who don't have my best interests at heart. It's easy to say "believe in yourself and don't let others' judgments bring you down" but the hard part is recognizing it is happening at all. You HAVE to recognize what and/or who is holding you back. And then you have to get away from it. You may not have a perfect plan, but if it can get you somewhere (to where you can formulate a better plan), then at least that's something.

Re: Failing as an adult

[(Anonymous)]

Pat yourself on the back because I am more of a failure than you.