fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3243 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3243 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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08. [SPOILERS for Longmire]

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09. [SPOILERS for Arrow]

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10. [WARNING for dub-con/non-con]

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11. [WARNING for rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #463.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Started retaking antidepressants after a couple of years and I'm screaming in my sleep again. It's probably also the reason my sexual drive/sexual orientation has always been an apathetic confused mess.

blargh :( :(

this is probably a question you've already been asked and answered, but if you want to reply - have you tried different meds?

My sex drive's forever screwed, so it's only sleep screaming that I have to deal with and I'm not even awake for it, just forever embarrassed about it. The meds works otherwise, so I'd rather take the side effects of this one than mess around for ones that might not work for me, especially since it takes about a month for it to become fully effective.

Understandable. That does sound awkward - and it's not a side effect I've ever heard of.

...I hope I don't do anything like that. Though since I have lived with other people my whole live until about a year ago but have been taking the same meds for 6-7 years now, I'd probably know.

Sometimes I feel like slipping back into self-harm even though I swore I wouldn't because no matter how much my friends reassure me, no matter how much I know it isn't going to help...at least the physical pain feels a hell of a lot better than constantly having the urge to cry and the constant numbness I'm left with after constant self-hatred because we all know my life is never going to go anywhere anyway.

Maybe try channeling that urge into exercise, nonny. It sounds dumb, but running or doing something that requires physical exertion helps you deal with stress and anxiety and then there's endorphins. It attacks your negative feelings on a physical AND emotional level.

This is a confession, I guess? The autism secrets reminded me, and I've been thinking about it lately anyway...

My mom tells me every so often that I should look at getting tested for autism diagnosis. I always tell her I just don't see what good it's going to do me at this age to find out if I'm autistic or not, but the truth is I'm too scared to know either way. Both outcomes scare me for different reasons. I grew up learning to see autism as a defect, something to be ashamed of, something that needed fixing; and even though I know that's wrong now, I know I'll still feel like a lesser person if I know I'm autistic.

But if I'm not autistic, then that means there's no reason for me to be the way I am. All the things people think are wrong with me aren't because of autism, they're just pure me being a freak because for some reason I chose to be. I don't know which would be worse, but lately I've been feeling like I need to know, even though I'm scared.

I think it's a good idea to get tested. You'll know once and for all. Even if it's not autism, you might reframe that fear as eliminating one possible explanation but continuing your search for why you are the way you are. Either way, it might be time to look into therapy so you have someone to discuss these worries with.

I'm so sorry I'm drunk spamming Twitter again. :(

(It's just so easy I can't help it and I know no one cares)

I don't want to go back to school, but I don't want you to be right about me either. I'm scared I'm making a huge mistake. This can't end well.

Think I'm a hoarder...

I can't wait to meet you.

Most of the time, I wish I would just die. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.

[ SECRET POST #3243 ]

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