fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3259 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3259 ⌋

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Am I justified in being pissed off at my sister for going on some blind date with some guy she met on the internet without telling anyone who or where (she said she didn't want us to 20 question her about him)? She lied and told us it was some other guy she had gone out with previously. I get that she is 30 but that doesn't mean she can't be murdered. Not only did she go out with him, she went with him to one of his friend's house because they seemed like nice people. Like, WTF.

She can go out with whoever she wants, but if she ever went missing, it'd be nice to be able to give the police a fucking name.

Your sister isn't handling internet dating in a smart way, no. But how pissed you want to be at her depends on how you want your relationship to go in the future. If you want your sister to share details with you like this, you have to 1) not give her the third degree every single time she dates someone because hello she's THIRTY and 2) have the kind of relationship where she trusts you and wants you in her life.

As justified as you feel you are, yelling at an adult for not sharing more of their private life with you isn't likely to convince them to be more open with you. You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar, in other words. You could (kindly, non-judgmentally, non-accusingly) suggest that she write down the guy's name/info on a piece of paper and leave it somewhere it can be easily found in her home, just in case. Or that she shares that info and checks in with a trusted friend, even if that person isn't you.

...A little bit? For one, the internet (and tinder etc) has more or less become one of the major ways people meet people now. It's a fairly normal way to date.
For another, there's no real difference between meeting a total stranger on the street and agreeing to a blind date with them, and meeting a total stranger on the internet and agreeing to a blind date with them.

As for the not telling someone part: yes, that's probably an irresponsible thing to do. On the other hand, having to report to someone any time you want to go on a date is a little stifling. Especially as an adult. If the response was that your sister thinks she's getting the 3rd degree about her love life whenever she lets on that she's dating then it's probably time to think about what you can do differently that wouldn't make her be so averse to sharing those details with you.

Nah, you aren't. Depending on the circumstances (how long she's talked to this guy, her capacity for self-defence), she may or may not have done a stupid thing, but that's her business. I wouldn't say her giving you a name of the guy would improve her chances of being found if she goes missing. An investigation would be launched in this case and her PC seized anyway.

On the other hand, you MAY want to talk to her and ask her nicely if she could maybe tell you such things in the future because it makes you feel better. And if she's ok with it, you'll both be fine.

Do you and your family do the 20 question thing your sister mentioned? Because if you do, you're at least partly responsible for why she's reluctant to tell you things.

Do you and your sister all live together with your parents? I don't think you're being unreasonable in being worried and wanting her to exercise caution, but expecting to be the one she always tells ahead of time (maybe she told a friend?) and her lying to you guys about it (before the date? so did she tell you she was going on a date afterall, but just lied about who with?) strikes me as kind of odd.

Well, I was watching her dog at the time and he ended up staying all night because she never came home (she didnt spend the night there but it was super late when she got back and I was in bed.

Yeah, you're justified. I had a similar thing happen with my sister. She did the normal public place thing, but I was NOT OKAY with the fact blind date guy was in her car. I didn't want to ask around about her dates, I just want a name and hopefully a number.

But my anxieties are such that I would leave notes when I left the house when she wasn't there, just in case I disappeared. "Went to the farmer's market, Saturday 11:30."

Your sister is an adult and can do whatever she wanted to do. It is not your job to look after her, and honestly I feel like you have no right to be pissed. A bit upset maybe, but being pissed sounds a bit too much and makes me feel like you do badger your sister and that there's a reason why she didn't tell you.

Now, what you can do is voice your worries, but ultimately let go of it, it is her life, not yours.

honestly, the only thing that seems hinky is that she went to his friend's house on the very first date. I've gone on dates with people I've met on OkCupid without telling people about it, but they've always taken place in very public areas.

[ SECRET POST #3259 ]

Mad at my sister justified?

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