fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3262 ]

[ SECRET POST #3262 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3262 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Yogscast: Hannah Rutherford and Lewis Brindley]

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[El Goonish Shive]

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[Evita]

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[The Blair Witch Project]

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(Kirsten Dunst as Peggy Blumquist in Fargo)

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 035 secrets from Secret Submission Post #466.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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14. http://i63.tinypic.com/2i25x1e.jpg

Now that you mention it, I did twitch at that a bit, but it slipped out of my mind owing to other elements of the storyline that gained prominence.

Yeah, it was a weird thing for the character to say TBH.

I can totally understand this being an issue for you. The adoption storyline on OUAT did not work for me either.

I am not caught up on Supergirl, but I feel like the situation is different from OUAT for example. Kara was adopted when she was a young girl and definitly has memories of her parents. I think it is acually not unusual for people that were adopted later in life to adress their adoptive parents by their given names, for example. Maybe the writers were going for something like that?

Yeah that irritated me too. Why would she say, "you're my sister" but never refer to the parents as "our parents"? :\

Probably for the same reason that I refer to my foster brother as my brother, but my parents as my parents, not our parents. He was old enough that the parent roles were already filled for him, but we still bonded as siblings. It's not exclusion, it's respecting the fact that his mom is his mom, not my mom.

The way Kara talks about her Earth family reminds me a lot of my own family dynamic. She clearly loves the Danvers family, but to her, her parents are still the people who sent her away from Krypton.

Is this a thing with adopted kids? I seem to recall being weirded out for some reason about how often my adopted brother would refer to "my dad". I don't recall how he used it that was different in a way I should've noticed, but I did...

I think its something some families just say. None of my family are adopted but we all individually would say "my mom" when talking to one another but then there would straightaway always (with a grin) be the reply of "is that my mom too, that you're talking about?"

nayrt

I think its something some families just say. None of my family are adopted but we all individually would say "my mom" when talking to one another but then there would straightaway always (with a grin) be the reply of "is that my mom too, that you're talking about?"

Huh. That's super weird to me. My brother and I just say "Mom" when we're talking to one another. (Like..."what are you getting Mom for Christmas?" etc.) I've never gotten people who will just say "Mom" when talking to random strangers (like someone will say to a random acquaintance "when I was young Mom would do x" and that sounds weird to me--I'd say "when I was young my mom would do x" instead) but when it's someone who has the same mom, it makes sense (at least to me).

I remember being at dinner with some family friends once, a mother and two sons, and one of the sons had spent the day with the dad. His brother asked him "did you have fun with your dad?" which I thought was really odd since it's his dad too. I even commented something to that effect and he said "well, what am I supposed to say? 'Did you have fun with our dad?' That would just sound dumb" while in that situation I'd have said "Did you have fun with Dad?" if I was talking to my brother.

If any of that makes any sense at all.

I think it's a US east coast thing. I remember being weirded out when I went home with my college friends who lived in NYC and hearing them talk about "my mom" and "my dad" in front of their siblings, like they were all adopted. (I'm from the pacific NW).

I thought the dad died fairly soon after Kara came to earth, so she didn't have as much time to bond with him.

Yes, Jeremiah Danvers was killed about a year after Kara came to live with them.

I'm not familiar with this fandom, so I'm kind of confused...

Is the adopted kid referring to a biological parent as "my father" when talking to their adopted sibling, or is it the sibling (I'm guessing the parents' biological kid?) calling the parents "theirs" and not including the adopted sibling?

The latter.

This is more responding to some of the other comments than the secret itself, but....Kara isn't actually adopted. She always refers to Mrs. Danvers as her foster mom or as Eliza. I don't remember her ever calling her Mom. To me it's been pretty clear that she may consider Alex her sister, but she doesn't consider the Danvers to be her real parents. So Alex's comment doesn't seem that strange to me. Maybe she should have said just "Dad" instead of "my dad" but "our dad" would not be right, considering that Kara doesn't seem to consider him her father.

If so, it still bugs me. Why write it that way and try to have it both ways? If Alex is her sister, then the Danvers are her parents officially adopted or no. It is possible to have more than one set of parents. Many adopted kids still consider their biological parents their parents.

It jsut seems disrespectful to adoptive or foster parents to write it that way. They raised her.

I don't know why they've done it that way. I'm just saying, from the show itself, Kara doesn't consider the Danvers to be her parents. It's obvious that there's a lot of love and respect there, but she does not think of them as "Mom and Dad". They're "the Danvers" or "my foster parents."

^SA as above.

I'm not saying the writing of the relationship between Kara and the Danvers doesn't have issues. I guess all I'm saying is that it doesn't seem quite fair to blame Alex for not presuming s relationship that Kara herself has not claimed. That's all.

It may come down to the dynamic. Kara definitely remembers her parents, so maybe the Danvers didn't want to try and "replace" them because it was too soon for her, and she never quite got into the habit of calling them her parents? But I don't think she had a sibling, so there wouldn't be the same 'replacement' issue with Alex.

I mean, I do get what you're saying. It does bother. I'm just trying to make up in-world excuses for it.

Kids who were adopted older, in particular, sometimes don't. My cousin was adopted at 14 and calls his parents by their first names. It doesn't bother me as a one-off because she doesn't denigrate the Danvers or say they're fake parents, they're simply her foster parents.

This. I have cousins who were adopted at 16 and 18 respectively by my aunt and uncle so they could go to an American college.

Although, Kara was a lot younger than 14, but she does remember her parents and I can imagine she might feel calling the Danvers her parents disrespectful. Whereas she didn't have a sibling and she and Alex were clearly very close.

Do you mind if I ask what you mean about the secret relating to Once Upon A Time? I'm assuming that's what OUAT stands for as I can't think of another acronym. Because I always thought they handled the adoption side of things rather well on that show...for the most part. Henry didn't call Emma "mum" until they had grown much closer and it's clear now he considers both Emma and Regina his "Moms".

Then again I'm not adopted or have step-parents so maybe it's not for me to judge.

The only time I remember cringing at OUAT handling adoptive parents was when Zelena kept going on about how Cora abandoned her and she "never knew a mother's love" - when we see in the flashback her adoptive mother loved her at first sight and only passed away when Zelena was a grown woman.

OUAT is terrible at handling the "real" mother thing when it comes to adoption. They've gotten better in regards to Regina/Henry/Emma, but that's about it.

Re: SA

(Anonymous) - 2015-12-11 18:59 (UTC) - Expand

It bothered me too, OP. A lot. And TBH I expected it to bother Kara, and was annoyed when she just let it pass (repeatedly).

Alex has been referring to "our mother", though, hasn't she?

If I wanted to wank it I'd say maybe Alex was "claiming" the dad because she doesn't get along with the mom. Still not remotely respectful or inclusive of Kara, though.

This annoys me too. I guess there's some assumption that it makes things clearer for viewers who come into the series midway, and I know that Kara's biological mother is also a big part of the backstory. But it seems strange to assume that viewers can understand multiple identities but not multiple sets of parents to go with them.

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