fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3267 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3267 ⌋

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F!S, what are your feelings/thoughts on friendships with large age gaps? I'm 35 and through a mutual hobby it seems I'm becoming friends with a 21-year-old. I never really thought about it before - and while most my friends are actually younger, I never had one with an age gap of almost 15 years.

What do you think - can it work? Is it weird? Do you have experience with it?

I'm 25 myself so take this with a grain of salt, but I think that 35-21 age gap isn't as bad as, say, 15-30 age gap. Your friend is an adult and while they might not be as mature as you are, they're close enough that relationship is pretty equal.

Depends on the 30-year-old. (and the 15yo, for that matter) When I was about 60 there were a few 25-35y people in my fandom and local circles and many of them got along great with us kids. I also got along better with some 25+ than with some kids of my age back then.

They're cool. I have some friends who are twice my age, and it hasn't been weird at all.

I think this topic has came up before on here and the general consensus was that friendships with age gaps are fine.

I mean...as long as you are not grooming them sexually, I don't care? I'd be hesitant as an adult being friends with a minor because of the implications if anyone found out. Even if we were just friends, I expect people would be wary about it.

So fine in theory, dangerous in practice.

A 21-year-old is in no way minor, but nice job trying to derail the thread into pedoland.

NAYRT - But OP was also asking generally.

"F!S, what are your feelings/thoughts on friendships with large age gaps? ". Sorry for focusing on the one aspect of friendships with large age differences that actually matters.

I guess I could have boringly gone with, "No, that is not weird."

Edited 2015-12-15 00:21 (UTC)

It seems pretty clear in the post they were asking about that specific situation. Was it weird? Could it work?

How is it clear? Because they had a specific example? So do most topics here that ask about a specific topic. Personal stories are a good starting point in conversation.

And they specifically asked for thoughts on large age differences. They didn't say "Thoughts on this specific situation?"

Edited 2015-12-15 00:33 (UTC)

I didn't get that. I felt they were sharing something and opening up the topic to general discussion at the same time.

OP here:

Well we're both female and I'm not interested in girls that way. Also I have a long-term partner, so I don't see how that's even in play here.

Also she's not a minor?

You were asking about large age differences in general. So, I addressed the only issue between friendships between large age differences that anyone would care about.

Fair enough!

For the record, I don't think there is anything weird. I have several 40+ year old friends (I am 26).

I don't see anything wrong with it. I think a lot of it has to do with where you and that friend are in your lives. If you're in similar places or have things in common, I don't think it's a big deal.

Yeah, I don't see a problem with it. I've had a fair few friends that were much older than me, and some younger.
I think if you have similar interests and you get along well, that's what matters.

Yes, sometimes, and yes. I have had friends much older than me and much younger. The latter is harder, since I'm 25 and teens are...teens, so it's never an equal grounds kind of friendship, and it's always in the context of groups of friends. I do have a few friends who are older than me, of varying levels of closeness, and as long as there's no romance involved, it isn't much different than having friends who are also in their 20s. (Romance, unlike platonic friendship, is not something I can do with age gaps.)

I don't have any significantly younger friends rn, but I got into fandom very young and throughout all of my tweens and teens I was friends with many people who were adults, most of them 30+. Looking back I think it was incredibly valuable for me to interact with so many adults outside of a school/family context. It exposed me to a lot of different viewpoints and life experiences and gave me a reliable support network of people who didn't care about my weird hobbies or budding queerness.

I don't see why it wouldn't work. I'm sure it'll be a little weird at times, but hten I think ANY relationship with a significant age/experience/background gap can be weird at times. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with the friendship, it just means you're different people approaching life in a different way.

i'm 21 and i have friends in their thirties. it's worked out great!

all my life I've had friends who were either a lot older or a lot younger than me.

[ SECRET POST #3267 ]

Friendships with large age differences

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