fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3271 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3271 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Mysterious Universe Podcast]

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[Elias Ericson]

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[Danny Phantom]

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11. [SPOILERS for Jessica Jones]

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12. [SPOILERS for Homestuck]

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13. [SPOILERS for transformers: more than meets the eye #47]

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14. [WARNING for rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #467.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Waiting for collapse to post.

So lately I’ve been having rape dreams.

And my voice isn’t strong enough to scream so I’m helpless.
They never last long enough for the actual act, but I’m held down and antagonized.
I try so hard to scream for help, and then I wake up.

What is this supposed to mean?
Does anyone know?

Might just be a stress/anxiety dream anon.

That you're afraid of situations where you are deprived of control. It may also mean you are afraid that you don't possess the ability to defend yourself.

The rape part is probably inconsequential, and you're only dreaming about it because you hear about it in fandom spaces a lot.

I don't think dreams really have any profound, symbolic hidden meanings, anon. Mostly they're a way for people to work out their fears and anxieties. My guess is that you're dealing with some stress/anxiety now, and maybe feeling powerless, too.

You spend too much time on tumblr.

Kill yourself.

I want to kill myself. Honestly, the only thing stopping me is the pain it woul cause my family and partner.

Life unrelentingly sucks. I was abused as a child. I had a breakdown. I got through it and got better. I had a steady job that I was good at, went to university for better qualifications for a better version of that job. I got sexually assaulted and had another breakdown. The anxiety and the fear made it impossible to hold a real job. I started freelance modelling and gt sexually assaulted a whole lot more. So I stopped. Unemployment and the utter lack of jobs in my area made me attempt suicide but I fucking survived.

I got better (again) and I started doing cam work because it was safer than modelling and better than being penniless. My physical health started to steadily decline. My flatmate suddenly moved and left me essentially homeless. All my savings got eaten up paying for housing. Cam got steadily shitter and shitter as I became less able to cope with the demands. I'm now living hand to mouth and relying on family for food. I have a chronic and serious illness but because it hasn't been diagnosed I can't get any financial help (the doctor suspects MS but I can't even get tested until the new year and it's been months and months of tests for other things).

I'm sick of it being hard all the time. I'm sick of shitty things constantly happening and I just can't do it anymore.

Oh my God, OP, I am so sorry to hear all this. No wonder you are having stress dreams. That is a lot for anyone to bear, but please, please don't give up.

Shit. I am sorry that all that happened to you and more is still happening to you. Shit. My only advice is to contact places near you so you can get food consistently. I'm assuming you don't want to move back home because of the abuse. Do you have any friends to reach out so you can move in with them for a short time? I know my advice is flimsy and you've probably thought of it already... I'm sorry. No one should struggle like you have. Please just don't give up. I know that sounds easier than it is and that there is no reason you shouldn't, but you've been through hard times before and you've overcome them. You can do it again.

I know this is stupid to a lot of people and ignore it if it doesn't help you but I will be praying for you.

oh, I think I remember you from the thread where you weren't comfortable with client's demands, OP. Hold on. Things will get better. I can only think about calling a help line and also getting unemployment benefits. And writting here ofc.

About the dreams, I'd try to do something interesting right after waking up and to not think about the dream. That way you won't remember it. Also, sounds silly, but camomile tea really helps with anxiety. There's a book called What Color Is Your Parachute that says that you can always change your situation at least in some small way. It also says that you should always have two options, like "I'll enroll at College OR I'll work in retail" or "I'll be 100% healthy OR not not 100% healthy but still ok". I have a 2013 edition of the book.

[ SECRET POST #3271 ]

Trigger warning: rape, suicide

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