fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3271 ]

[ SECRET POST #3271 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3271 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Mysterious Universe Podcast]

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[Elias Ericson]

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[Danny Phantom]

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11. [SPOILERS for Jessica Jones]

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12. [SPOILERS for Homestuck]

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13. [SPOILERS for transformers: more than meets the eye #47]

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14. [WARNING for rape]

Notes:

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I can't stand to be around my dad when he's drunk. He's already close to having an overbearing personality, and it's gets REALLY overbearing when he's drunk. He yells at whoever he's talking to, lectures us all about "reality" (as a concept, I guess), makes me feel stupid for not knowing what the hell he's talking about, yells OVER whoever he's talking to, and will always, always find a reason to get angry at me. A family friend even told me she felt sorry for me because of his treatment.

I just try to stay away from him, but sometimes I don't want to walk around outside in the cold, or shut myself in my room.

My mom isn't as bad (and is drunk far, far less frequently - only at parties, whereas with my dad, it's nearly every day) but she used to get really, really angry at me. Like, I would have no idea what I did, and she would just be yelling and yelling. She did once apologize in the morning. She'd gotten so angry she just kept yelling at me to "just sit there and cry" and even said she had to take a walk to get away from me. I think it was telling someone about a bird I'd seen that set her off.

The one time I saw my aunt drunk, she just cried and cried a lot.

Her boyfriend, however, is the belligerent type. He actually started a fight with my mom one time, and then stormed off.

But every time I've been drunk (which is not often) I've always felt happy. Not to the point where I feel like I have to get drunk all the time, mind you. I can be happy without it! It seems to be the same for most of my friends, and we're all fairly young. None of us ever get angry, violent, soppy, or whatever.

So, does a person's reaction to drunkenness change with age? Are older adults more likely to be obnoxious while teens and young twentysomethings are happy drunks?

AFAIK what drinking does is lower inhibitions. Age doesn't have much to do with it. Can it change over time? Yeah, if you do. Age is a part of that but not in any particular direction. Some people get older and bitter and angry, and some people get older and relaxed and content.

No. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with the individual. Alcohol is a depressant, and the only thing it does is suppress the areas of the brain that are associated with the ability to consciously control decisions (i.e. executive function).

The result is that people become less inhibited in their behaviour, and more likely to act out their impulses. The fact that your father is an angry drunk really only indicates that he's an angry person.

Thanks. It's funny, because I do think I can be angry person sometimes. I don't act angry around people, but I've been angry enough to hurt myself sometimes.

I do get the "lack of inhibitions" when drunk, but apparently it just makes me more talkative. I'm usually very quiet.

Maybe it's because I'm usually around friends, not my dad or anyone else who irritates me, so I'm not angry at the time? Being around nice people can distract me from angry thoughts.

Being an angry person sometimes is a far cry from being a person with anger issues, which it seems your parents probably are. In fact, I'd wonder about the mental health of a person who is suffering emotional abuse that wasn't angry sometimes.

Putting it lightly, your situation doesn't sound like a very nice one. I hope you're able to get yourself out of it soon.

No, it's not necessarily tied to age. There are plenty of adults who are cheerful drunks, and all the young 20-somethings who aren't angry and full of rage... well, statistically, some of them will be eventually. The reason why they aren't quite there yet is a combination of factors: younger bodies can withstand a little more abuse, life hasn't worn you down, alcoholics tend to drink more and more as they get older, etc.

Given your family history of alcoholism, I would stay away from alcohol if I were you. It's not 100% genetic, but as a child of two people who abuse alcohol, you have a higher than average risk of becoming an alcoholic.

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/FamilyHistory/famhist.htm
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders/genetics-alcohol-use-disorders

Doubt it. I was of the "gets tired and easily irritated" variety as a young adult, so I don't drink at all, since I don't get that happy feeling or pleasant buzz that people talk about.

The people I know have stayed the same way when growing up (happy drunks stay happy, and soppy drunks stay soppy), so my personal experience doesn't point at the changing reaction.

Dunno about age-related behavior to drunkenness, but your dad is an alcoholic. I'm truly sorry you have to live with that.

Dunno if this will help you, but I can't think of anything else: http://www.aa.org/

Thanks.

Your parents and aunt don't get violent and angry due to their experience with alcohol.

They get violent and angry because they are shitty people who have never learned how to manage their childish tantrums, and for whatever reason feel entitled to take it out on family.

I know you aren't asking for advice, but get the fuck away from these assholes stat. Spend your time with people who treat you better. Once you're in a good or good enough place, make it a point to never model the behavior of the so-called "adults" in your family, whether under the influence or not.

My aunt never got angry, she just cried a lot (maybe you meant the aunt's boyfriend?). He's alright when he's sober.

I definitely don't model my behavior on them! In fact, I make a conscious effort not to.

ayrt

My mistake, but yeah, I guess it applies to her bf.

Anyway, I don't mean to make it sound like they're monsters. I'm sure they have their awesome moments, but none of them offset the drunken displays of bad behavior. This definitely does not sound like a healthy environment for you and I hope you can get to a way better place soon.

I have to agree. I hate how the word "toxic" gets thrown around a lot, but these people aren't healthy people to be around.

I actually kinda fear for OP's safety with her dad.

OP- I'm not unsafe. He's obnoxious, not dangerous.

I don't want to be a downer here, but chances are your parents didn't always start off being angry, abusive drunks. Not right away, anyway, because a person doesn't decide to become an alcoholic overnight. They start off with a few drinks at social events, when they're hanging out with friends... and then at some point, it all goes off the rails.

Going from what you've described, you may well have a predisposition to abuse alcohol. It's not age that keeps you safe or that makes people have a bad relationship with alcohol, it's the individuals themselves. Please be careful.

Your room is not the enemy, and you can make it a nicer place to be for long periods. If you can, get a lock for your door or arrange your furniture so you can slide your dresser (don't leave breakable stuff on top) or the end of your bed against the door and stuff a blanket under the bottom. It will keep out the drunks and some of the noise. Just quietly let them know you have a headache and you're going to take a nap if it's during the day or go to sleep early if it's night. If you need room rations, go for something you enjoy that will keep and make sure it's in a container that can be sealed. I used to keep my camping gear in my room so it didn't look weird that I had protein bars and a huge carry pack of water in my wardrobe.
If you can pop some headphones on and listen to music or watch something, you can just relax and stay out of their way. It's annoying, because it's your house too, and they're your family and sometimes you want company and conversation, but if they only make you feel like shit, you're better off talking on the phone to your friends in your room.

Assholes are assholes no matter what they're on, pretty much. Sorry. Being drunk made my mum giggly and more inclined to dance to 80s pop music and tell me how much she loved me. My sort of dad was always an asshole, but when he was drunk he was worse. He hasn't changed with age, but I also don't have to deal with it anymore because I lock him out. If he kicks down my door now, he knows I'll call the cops on his ass. It also saves me from having to scrub his vomit out of my curtains. Again.

Thanks. I don't have a lock, but no one really comes in my room. I was mostly annoyed at having to choose between staying upstairs and having to listen to a lot of shouting.

Luckily, no one's ever vomited.

My dad's not likely to kick a door down. He's just loud and obnoxious, not violent. The aunt's boyfriend doesn't live here, my observations on his behavior are based on his behavior on holidays that he's been here.

I think it's more like this: people often get bitter with age, some can contain it normally, but not when drunk.

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[ SECRET POST #3271 ]

Drunkenness and age

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