[ SECRET POST #3272 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3272 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #468.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Relationship confessions

[(Anonymous)]

WARNING: INCOMING CARNIVAL OF PATHETIC

When I was younger, I broke myself by wanting so very desperately to be with an internet boyfriend. It happened around the holidays, and not being with him just about killed me. Ours was a relationship only a few months old, but I was the type of person who just couldn't (or didn't know how to) be honest about my true feelings and expectations. Maybe I thought in the grand scheme of things, my wants were petty and I didn't need to be bothering him with them.

Pretty sure I was depressed as hell for the next few months, maybe for the next couple of years, though to a lesser extent. I compensated by overreacting to every little thing (if something was a good thing, I acted too happy, if it was sad, I'd be dramatic about how sad it was, etc) and pretending everything was fine.

It wasn't long into the "relationship" before he offered to come meet me but I declined... it wasn't his fault that I felt like such a fool, but I just couldn't bring myself to meet him face-to-face. I kicked myself in the ass by being way too obsessed about a boy and then having it all come to a full stop, I kicked myself in the ass again by wanting more but being too much of an idiot or a coward (or both) to say anything about it.

There were other things too... the fear of subjecting him to my batshit insane family, the fear that I honestly felt nothing for him after all. When I let him go, I said some of the stupidest shit to him. I made it sound like it was the worst thing in the world and that I was the one hurting (though it was true I was hurting), and I made it sound like he was the one with issues when in reality, I was the one with issues. I don't regret the breakup but I do regret being an ignorant dipshit who hurt him. I still talk to him to this day and we get along fine, but while part of me will always wonder what might have been had I not had so much issues, I just don't feel the way I used to.