[ SECRET POST #3277 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3277 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Leonardo DiCaprio]



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02.
[John Barrowman]


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03.
[Jurassic Park III, Alan/Billy]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #468.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

I had resigned myself to living the rest of my life alone. I've only had a few partners, and the last was about a decade ago. But I've started having a crush on a friend of mine whose interests are very similar. The issues are that I don't want to risk wrecking the friendship and more importantly that there is a large age gap. So I'm not likely to act on the crush. However, now it feels so much worse to contemplate living out the rest of my life alone because I have this chance possibly here.

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

My girlfriend had resigned herself to being alone a couple years ago. Right now she's working on the first of two pies she's making for Christmas tomorrow, because we're having a lot of friends over, since we live together now.

So, y'know, consider the possibility that your resignation might be full of shit.

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT
I don't know if I want to hope for that or not, as I was okay with it all when I was first resigned, and it might make it worse to get hopes up and have them dashed. It is just so difficult to meet new people these days. Unlike when I was in college or just out of college.

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

How big of an age gap, and are you the older or younger party?

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT
About 15 years. We're both adults out of college, but I'm well older.

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

Well, 15 years is quite a bit, but it's not insurmountable. It rather depends on the maturity of both parties involved. That said, there's a pretty big maturity gap between, say, your mid-twenties vs. early forties. In your twenties, you feel like an adult and many twentysomethings act like adults and have adult responsibilities. But... it's just not the same. A 40-something is at a point in their life where they're ready to settle down and spend the rest of their life with someone. A 20-something generally isn't, even if they believe they are. They don't know what they're giving up.

I'm speaking from personal experience here. My husband was, like you, older and reluctant to ruin a good friendship. The age gap wasn't quite as large as your situation, however. We've been married for ten years now and are very happy. But I am well aware that I missed out by settling down so young. Not necessarily missing out in terms of other relationships or sex, etc. but I missed out on knowing what it was like to live on my own, relying on only myself. I think I'd be a better person if I'd had those experiences, but that's me.

There's rarely a perfect time to ask someone out, because there's always the risk of rejection. If you let that stop you every single time, then chances are you'll remain alone. Relationships generally do not happen to people who don't pursue them, at least a little.

Re: Confession thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Thanks for the reply. It's not fear of rejection at the moment. As she has given hints that she'd be amenable to a relationship. Which is why I'm now feeling worse about ending up alone. It is this "A 40-something is at a point in their life where they're ready to settle down and spend the rest of their life with someone. A 20-something generally isn't, even if they believe they are. They don't know what they're giving up." and this "But I am well aware that I missed out by settling down so young. Not necessarily missing out in terms of other relationships or sex, etc. but I missed out on knowing what it was like to live on my own, relying on only myself. I think I'd be a better person if I'd had those experiences, but that's me."

I'm worried that the age and experience gap will be insurmountable. We have very similar interests, but I'm worried that interests aren't enough over experience. I don't want to settle down into a relationship and then have it not work out (as relationships do, despite best efforts and this seems like it would be even more difficult than a "normal" relationship) and then she has spent her mid-20s with me instead of having experiences with people her own age. I like hanging out with her and doing things with her and talking with her and I don't want to lose that, especially with the risk to her of losing some of the best years of her life for exploration and finding herself. I don't want to take advantage of her in any way. If she says she is willing, it's not like she knows what she might be missing. If that makes sense?