[ SECRET POST #3283 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3283 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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10. http://i.imgur.com/xo0QUj0.jpg
[anime fanservice boob stuff]















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 024 secrets from Secret Submission Post #469.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

I need to vent

[(Anonymous)]

So, my sister's fiance likes to tease a lot. He teases everyone. I hate being teased because it brings up memories of school and the bullying I was a target for.

So at dinner tonight, at some point my mother says this. And my sister pipes up that "everyone was teased." She does this all the time. Dismissing anything I say about our past by saying that everyone went through that.

First, people react to things differently. I take things more personally, always have. Second, she was teased, yes, but not to nearly the same extent. I was emotionally and physically and even sexually tormented all the way from elementary through high school. Admittedly, she doesn't know that last one. But she knows the rest. And yet she continually dismisses me and refuses to believe that I may have experienced things in ways that are unique to me.

And even more frustratingly, there was a period in our childhoods where she was really sick and didn't know it (Celiac) and reacted by lashing out at me. And yet in her mind all of that was just sisters fighting and we were both the same. Even though I never was as nasty or personal as her and I certainly never hit her the way she hit me.

I'm just sick of it. I love her, but I'm sick of her dismissing me every time I have a reaction that is different than her. She's the "suck it up and deal with it" type and expects everyone to be the same.

Re: I need to vent

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I could give you advice, but all I can tell you is I think I understand. My older brother acts similarly. If something doesn't matter to him, it shouldn't matter to anyone. Then when someone is upset about that thing, he considers them stupid/irrational/emotional. It's infuriating and only makes things worse. I don't know your sister, but I'm pretty sure my brother's problem is a lack of empathy. But as I said, I haven't been able to come up with a solution. The one (petty) thing that comforts me is that he'll keep running into problems/arguments because of it.

Re: I need to vent

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds really irritating, and I don't know what to tell you, either. Pointing out that even if she doesn't mean to, she's being very dismissive and that hurts your feelings probably won't accomplish anything, from the sound of it. I wouldn't even try to engage her, just shut her down with "Not everyone's experiences are different" and "That may have been what it was like for you, but my experiences were not the same" and then refuse to buckle.

Or you might ask, "Why is it so important to you that I 'get over' these painful experiences? Do you think it might be easier for me to deal with them if you weren't constantly downplaying them?"

But I'd only do that if you're ready for a FIGHT.

Re: I need to vent

[(Anonymous)]

Well, you could pull her aside and tell her that her constant dismissing of your feelings and minimizing of your past is hurtful and invalidating. You could tell her you don't appreciate it and wish she would not react to your situation in that manner.

But that's all you can do. You can't make her see it from your side if she isn't willing. You can assure her that you aren't trying to take away from her experiences, but she may not even realize that this is what she's doing to you. You may just have to accept that she has her limitations, and try changing the topic when she starts displaying her lack of empathy about bullying. If she won't shut her damn cakehole, feel free to cut the visit short.

Re: I need to vent

[(Anonymous)]

My history isn't as bad as yours but I have some idea of what you mean because I was bullied a lot when I was in school myself. I even thought of killing myself because it wrecked my self-esteem. But don't you have to get over it at some point? It sounds like your sister is a jerk but it kind of sounds like you're defensive because you're still holding onto it.

not op

[(Anonymous)]

lmao

"MY HISTORY ISN'T AS BAD AS YOURS BUT GET OVER IT"

You realize this is barely a step above what Sister is even saying.

Maybe you missed the part where Sister's fiance keeps ripping on folks, which is apparently enough of a problem that it bothers OP and Sister's MOM. And instead of acknowledging that teasing folks who have been burned by teasing or worse is unkind, Sis dismisses all feelings based on the fact that she is so HARDKOR OVERCOMING BULLYING.

It's easy to get over something when you don't have a constant reminder of it. It's even easier when the people who are supposed to be supportive of you are actually supportive of you, instead of minimizing your experiences and treating you like you're just being a big whiny baby.