fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3288 ]

[ SECRET POST #3288 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3288 ⌋

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Notes:

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I know the common one is "where are you from?"

but what other ones are there to avoid for the average person who doesn't want to cause offence but might do so out of ignorance?

I think as long as you believe the first option someone replies with and not press with "No, where are you really from" it's fine.

but this kind of smells of troll anyway.

Yeah, I find that odd. Like...I ask white people all the time where are they from. It's one of those bullshit questions you ask people like "How are you doing?" "Man, how about the weather."

-Where are you from?
-Here.
-Cool. You were born here?
-Yeah.
-How about those Yankees?

Well, sure. But if a white person tells you they're from Maryland, you probably wouldn't say, "Where are you really from?" as if they're lying or hiding their true origin. When POCs get this question, sometimes it's not from people who are just making conversation, it's from people who think this is a more diplomatic way of saying "What race are you?"

... only it's not really a more diplomatic way, we know what you really mean.

Re: What phrases trigger PoC

cbrachyrhynchos - 2016-01-05 01:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What phrases trigger PoC

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 09:38 (UTC) - Expand

I ask white people where they're from all the time, because I'm interested in my family genealogy, and I am interested in where others are from as well. But I never, ever ask POC where they're from in any way, shape or form.

Yeah, this. If someone who doesn't look like you answers the question with "Ohio", don't follow up. Just move the conversation along.

"What your background" <- pretty open ended question for anyone.

While I do like this question, I'm always kind of apprehensive. I tend to ask where your family is from. I, personally don't mind when people ask me what my ethnic/racial background is. I'm a POC. But I always feel awkward asking others. I like to bond over it. Some people don't like mentioning it. So I keep my assumptions at bay and hope for some mention at some point in the conversation :/

That's not what trigger means, so I can't answer your first question.

But as for basics, I would suggest, first off, not lumping all non-white people into one monolith that reacts the same way to everything.

Uh... I wouldn't say that triggers me, but I will sigh internally before I answer the question, because I get it a lot. I've met people who absolutely cannot wrap their heads around the fact that people who aren't white can be born in the U.S., can grow up in the U.S. and be an American citizen from birth, can only speak English, etc. Because, you see, I look like a foreigner.

"Where you from, anyway?" he asked, squinting his bitter blue eyes at me.

"New York," I answered.

He shook his head and glared and wiggled a crooked finger inches from my face. "No, I mean where were you born?"

"Quam, Minnesota," I said.

"No, no... What are you?" he whined with frustration.

And in a voice that was low, but shivering with demented pride, I told him, "I... am... a... fucking... AMERICAN!"

--My Year of Meats

My problem is that I am ALSO a fucking American and have lived here since I was three months old, and I am "from" Massachusetts since I was raised there since I was a baby, but I was not born in America. So when they ask "where were you born?" I can't answer pithily shoot back with an American town. I have to say that I was born in Mumbai, India, but then later at some point have to explain that I have lived in America since I was a baby, if/when they ask "what was it like in India?" (no fucking idea, have no first-hand memories of the place whatsoever).

This causes the next problem: if I explain "I moved to America when I was three months old" as soon as they ask where I was born, I sound like I'm snarking at them and accusing them of asking it in a douchey xenophobic way. If I just say "I was born in Mumbai, India" I have to let them assume that being born there means I was raised there and am new to America and am unfamiliar with American culture, and then have to correct them later, which embarrasses them.

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 01:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 03:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 04:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 04:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 07:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I've posted this before, but it's still relevant

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 09:40 (UTC) - Expand

This man came up to me once and demanded to know my Nationality. Seemed like he was trying to scare me because he got up in my face about it. I said, Well if you mean ethnicity I am asian, if you mean nationality I am american. He stood there blinking dumbly and I just walked off.

"Do you know why I pulled you over"?

Isn't that universal though

LOL

*tips fedora*

Not a statement per se, but please don't play Guess My Race.

I'm pretty much a textbook example of Ambiguously Brown, and it's sooooo awkward when people assume I'm Mexican/Hispanic/Native American/Italian/Middle Eastern and I have to explain uh actually I'm ----.

Either straight up ask my ethnicity, or better yet just fucking don't assume all brown people are the same race.

One that I'm familiar with is "can I touch your hair?" Mostly see it with black ppl, but some native american tribes don't like it either (I just find it a weird question to ask of someone you aren't intimate with, but that's just me //shrug)

Right? I mean, why would you even ask that of a stranger?

That is such a weird, weird thing to ask of people and I don't get what goes through people's minds.

That happened to (blonde) me in Japan and China a few times, actually. So it's not just something POC deal with, it just depends on what the hair structure of the majority population is like and when you have different hair (in colour or structure) it makes people curious.

okay, except the context is completely different.

blond hair doesn't have an "unprofessional" or "dirty" reputation. people with kinky hair are told their hair smells, that they should replace it with wigs/weaves (and are also shamed for wearing wigs/weaves), they're told wearing their hair naturally isn't suitable for a workplace, that they're dirty, that 90% of traditional hairstyles look "ghetto" and etc. your experience might have been out of novelty, for black men/women it's more like they're viewed as animals in a petting zoo.

Re: What phrases trigger PoC

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-05 21:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What phrases trigger PoC

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-06 16:28 (UTC) - Expand

The term is "racial microaggressions" - actions accidentally or intentionally offensive on basis of racism (like a black woman being trailed around a store by clerks or telling a fellow Asian student to do your math homework or something). One time, a black coworker of mine got PISSED and upset because a white coworker kept saying her ID picture was too dark to see her in.

If you are curious, just ask "What is your ethnicity?" Or something along those lines.

BTW "Trigger" in conjunction with this subject cracks me up.

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