fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3290 ]

[ SECRET POST #3290 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3290 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #470.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(posted this in the wrong place at first... my bad)

I've reached the uncomfortable age where everyone around me has either started settling down or are about to. Marriage, kids, house, the lot.
I'm single, have no intention to procreate. I'm dreaming about buying my own house in the future, but I'm broke and jobless. I had to move back to my parents' house because of my financial situation. It's gonna take a while.

My grandma is from a time when having kids at 18 was the norm. And seeing as I'm female, I get the good ol' "you're gonna die alone with cats" spinster treatment.
I'm no beauty queen, but I get propositioned by creeps on the regular. Sex doesn't feel like anything.
My grandma thinks that I can't score a date, not only because of my lack of beauty, but because I don't put in the effort. I'm pretty sure if I was lonely and desperate, I'd have settled down a long time ago.

I've tried explaining to her that my current situation in life doesn't leave me much room for dating. I really don't need the added stress either.

And she doesn't get it. Her and all my extended family is rich, so they don't have to deal with the same issues me and my parents have to deal with.
I have to figure out how to scrape up enough money to be able to afford a vet, or a dentist, or new clothes so I can go out in public. I'm sending out job applications daily and looking for a cheap place to rent.
And during all that, somehow, I'm supposed to make time for boyfriend candidates my grandma has graciously tried to set me up with.

I'm somewhere between humiliated, sad and furious.
It's really started to take a toll on my relationship with my grandma.
Talking doesn't help. I make excuses so I don't have to see her.
I want her out of my life and I feel shitty for wishing that.

"You're going to die alone with cats."

"...yes, so? Where's the bad?"

If you just start hitting her up for cash every time she brings the subject up, she'll probably either stop bringing it up or go away.

"Yes Grandma, I do need to find a man. Now can you pay my dental bill? They say bad teeth is a dealbreaker for a lot of people."

Seconding this.

Don't try to explain yourself or reason with her. As you've seen, it doesn't really work and you haven't been able to make her understand your situation. Be gentle, but VERY firm that you dating life is not going to be a topic of discussion, period. If she tries to bring it up, be explicit and say, "Grandma, and I love you but this topic makes me really unhappy and I want to enjoy the time I spend with you so I don't want to talk about it" and then change the subject. If she persists, it's "Grandma, I have to go. Love you, talk to you later!"

Sometimes you have to draw hard boundaries even with people you love and who love you back. Yes, it will be awkward as hell for a while. Let it be awkward. It's not you making the situation awkward, it's your grandma, for refusing to drop a subject that makes you feel miserable. Just be consistent about enforcing your boundaries and make an effort to have conversations with her that are about things both of you will enjoy. That way, good behavior (i.e. not talking about the dating thing) gets rewarded and bad behavior doesn't.

Oh and this advice column has bunches of useful tips for situations like yours:

http://captainawkward.com/

Ignore the old crone, hope she dies soon and that your part of the family inherits a good portion of her riches.

Conversely, I hope the old crone spends all her money herself before she dies. Nothing I dislike more than people hovering about, expecting "their" inheritance.

Seconding blitzwing. Hit her up for cash. Maybe she'll get the hint, and maybe you'll score some help on the side.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3290 ]

advice?

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