fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3290 ]

[ SECRET POST #3290 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3290 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

collapsing

what do you do with a depressed family member who refuses therapy and refuses to talk to you or anyone?

you try your best to be supportive and don't let yourself get sucked down. at the end of the day, adults are responsible for themselves. it sucks, i know :(

problem is they don't want my support and have told me to my face that they would rather not to talk to me or anyone

You made it clear that you were there if they changed their minds? Then you are fucking done.

No really. You are done. You did your part. If they ever come out of it, you will have something to do again but you have done all you can do without directly going against their wishes. Your hands are free.

Some people have a very destructive and toxic desire to drag themselves down. Not your fault. Send a card on appropriate birthdays and holidays if you must and do anything that's not running into a brick wall repeatedly which is what you still trying with this person right now is in essence. There's no reason to beat yourself up over things you have no power to change. You do not have the key to this person's miraculous recovery. You will not think of the one thing to say that will let you back in. None of it is your fault. Do your best to acknowledge and make peace with that and if it eats at you too much, nothing is stopping you from going to therapy, as long as its for you and not to "learn" for them (not accusing you of thinking of this, but I've heard of it happening before)

Yeah, this. Some people can't and won't be helped. Either they'll swim to shore or drown, but there's nothing you can do about either one. The only thing you can do is not drown with them.

thanks. i wish they'd go see or talk to someone sigh

Wish nothing but the best for them. You aren't a bad person, you want better for them than where they are! Then, resume living.

Edited 2016-01-07 00:45 (UTC)

thanks. i think i needed to hear that

If you're feeling generous, let them know you'll be there if/when they're ready, but otherwise? Save yourself and don't let them drag you down with them. If their depression is affecting you in the sense that their behavior is affecting you, refuse to put up with that negative behavior as long as they refuse to get help. So for example, if a family member is depressed and their cleaning habits are disgusting, they do not get a pass for that just because they're depressed and don't want to address the problem.

It's none of your business and how the fuck do you know they haven't tried talked therapy and realized it is a bunch of bull-fucking-shit?

because it's my mom who doesn't speak english and is from a culture where talk therapy doesn't meaningfully exist?

Ignore the silly troll.

Where is the lie, though?

Depressed people who try to rationalize that it's okay for them to go untreated even if it means their family suffers are not necessarily the best judges of what does and does not work. Especially when their tendency is to give up very easily or make excuses like "talk therapy is bullshit" (translation: I spoke to a therapist once and I'm not cured) because of THEIR DEPRESSION.

If she is from a culture that doesn't do therapy you are probably fighting an uphill battle. Maybe ask her for suggestions on what you could do with her to make her feel better (maybe stuff like going on walks with her, you know) but idk if you can convince someone, especially an older more set in their ways person, to try something they don't believe in like that. Sorry anon, I wish there was more to suggest, I know how bad it sucks having mentally ill parents.

May as well kill yourself now rather than talk about your damn feelings.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3290 ]

depression talk

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