case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2016-01-06 06:40 pm

[ SECRET POST #3290 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3290 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #470.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
I feel like I'm socially wrong. Like there's a part of me that's I can't change, but women can - I don't know - smell the hetrosexuality on me and they'll know I lust after them and they'll think I'm a creep or dangerous or maybe just a relativly harmless little chauvinist. I feel like there's something about me that I shouldn't be and isn't allowed, and I'm terrified, just fucking "please let me find the courage to kill myself so I don't accidentally interact with a women who can know me for what I am and ruin even the minor social interactions I allow myself" terrified that the women around me will see me for what I am.
blitzwing: ([magi] drakon)

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

[personal profile] blitzwing 2016-01-07 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
You're way overthinking it man. Most women aren't going to be bothered or offended if they think you're attracted to them.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
da

I honestly don't care if a person finds me fuckable as long as they treat me as a person and not an object

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
NA

You don't think there's a bit of a corrilation between finding a woman fuckable and being a fucking creep?

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
no?

you can be interested in somebody and not be a total creep even though you would like to jump them the first chance you get

boundaries and consent and being well-versed in social cues

they are a thing

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
A thing that so many dudes don't care about.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 09:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
I don't think that's very safe or healthy

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:17 am (UTC)(link)
what DO you think is safe and healthy
insanenoodlyguy: (Default)

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

[personal profile] insanenoodlyguy 2016-01-07 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
An easier way might be to find a woman that wants you to lust after her. Those exist. Though it sounds like isn't the only thing you feel incredibly anxious about so you might also want to consider therapy for your probable social anxiety.

Turning yourself into a different sexuality isn't a thing that actually works so your going to have to accept the biological urges you have that have kept the human race going are probably there at least for a few more decades. Also that they aren't inherently evil.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
They're not evil, but at the same times, those urges have to be tempered by empathy towards other human beings.
insanenoodlyguy: (Default)

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

[personal profile] insanenoodlyguy 2016-01-07 12:53 am (UTC)(link)
This person is terrified of how wrong their feelings are and how disgusted others will find them. Empathy is probably not the attribute we need to be concerned about.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:56 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I felt it was an important thing to keep in mind in general. Something it was important to add.

But second, if we're talking about this anon specifically, I think he has empathetic instincts - which is very good. But the other extreme is still a danger. An overreaction is always something you have to guard against. that's what makes it difficult.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 00:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 04:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 04:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 04:15 (UTC) - Expand

(frozen comment) Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:52 am (UTC)(link)
Says the cheater.

OP if you want to be a good male, do not do anything this guys says.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
Honestly, all that makes it sound like there is somthing wrong with you. When did you start being afraid of women? or was it always there and this whole 'Wah feminazis are mean to me" thing is just a shield you inborn hatred?

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
little harsh, but it does sound like op has some deep seated issues with girls.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
NAYRT

It does sound like that, but that doesn't make him a bad person. It makes me feel bad for the guy.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
DA

It's bound to happen though, considering the prolific man-hating on the internet. If you have the "right" personality where that gets to you and breeds this amount of self-loathing.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
More WAAAAH POOR MEN bullshit.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 12:58 am (UTC)(link)
I think there is no complain a man could make where you wouldn't respond this way, which makes it a little meaningless, honestly.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
Men run the world. All of their complaints are their own doing.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:40 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 02:00 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 02:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 02:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
You're the kind of person Arthur Chu writes messed up articles about. Get some treatment.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
Perfect burn.

100% accurate with no fat at all. Just perfect.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
It wasn't even intended to be a burn! Chu really did write an article about a guy who had just this kind of weird hangup about women. It's some fucked up shit and AIRT desperately needs to get some help.

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-07 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
man, fucking Arthur Chu
elialshadowpine: (Default)

Re: Can we have a gender general thread?

[personal profile] elialshadowpine 2016-01-07 06:47 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, because many of the responses have been messed up or trolls... therapy. Seriously. These are issues that you need to be talking with someone about, and getting help for.

There's really no good answer to what is "allowed" because it depends on the individual. If you read above, a woman describes a situation in which she felt a man was respectful and she appreciated his remarks, but other women responded saying they would have been creeped out by it.

So, it sorta comes down to being able to pick up on social cues and where any sort of communication would be welcome. It depends some on the area you're from, too; if people don't tend to small talk, smile at each other, say hi, or anything of the like, and you do, it's going to come off weird or creepy. If you're in an area where that's relatively normal, probably not so much so long as you treat the woman in question like you would any other person.

When it comes down to dating, if you're going through an online service, it's easier because you can get to know the person a bit better online first; there's more of a distance before (or if) you meet.

But, going back, therapy. Because it also sounds like you may need some help with picking up on social cues in general if you are this afraid and anxious. Good luck.