case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2016-01-16 03:22 pm

[ SECRET POST #3300 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3300 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #472.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

[personal profile] solticisekf 2016-01-16 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
You've never even met her. Next thing you'll look up mortality statistics all around the world to grief for everybody... Idk, look up some celebrity births, might help.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
You don't have to agree that feeling upset about a favorite author's death is logical, but there is really no need to be dismissive and dickish about it.

[personal profile] solticisekf 2016-01-16 10:21 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm serious, looking up the author's family might cheer OP up. If no one died we'll be like Tolkien's elfs - very few births and long lifespans. 'Survived by' is the line that makes death announcments bearable.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
If you truly wanted to make a sincere suggestion to cheer OP up, you would've left off the "You've never even met her" and the rather condescending "Next thing you'll look up mortality statistics all around the world to grief for everybody". That's what makes your comment sound mean spirited.

When someone's grieving for a loss, why would you butt in and try to rationalize them out of their sadness? How is that a polite or compassionate thing to do? I don't understand this community at all sometimes.

[personal profile] solticisekf 2016-01-16 10:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I was discussing death with my grandma today when I called to give her my condolences and ask her how she was feeling because of her friend's death. I guess I'm feeling philosophical about all this. Anyway, I hope OP will get other replies that will help them.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Being philosophical is not the same thing as suggesting that people shouldn't feel what they feel in response to death, or that their grief is absurd to you. That's just trying to sugarcoat one's insensitivity.

Now I don't think being genuinely philosophical about death is a bad thing, but it's not something you try to impose on other people when they're not ready. Let people feel sad about someone dying if they want to, ffs.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 10:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, why is your comment so condescending?

That is NOT at all the thing to say to someone who's grieving and depressed. I'm really disappointed in you. I thought you were better than that.

[personal profile] solticisekf 2016-01-16 10:55 pm (UTC)(link)
It sounded fine in my head. Ehh, I'd better get out of this thread.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-17 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
With the recent deaths, you can actually look up how morning for a celebrity one has never met is a very real and recognized thing.
http://www.literallydarling.com/blog/2014/08/13/the-psychology-of-grieving-for-celebrities/

http://www.salon.com/2016/01/15/bowie_rickman_and_the_fans_disoriented_grief_why_their_deaths_feel_like_a_tear_in_the_fabric_of_your_life/

(Anonymous) 2016-01-17 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
That's interesting, though I find it kind of puzzling that people need any justification for this. Are there really people who've never felt a little sad about someone's passing, even if they weren't personally acquainted?

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 10:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Even when you know it's coming (e.g. Terry Pratchett), the death of someone whose work meant a lot to you can be a difficult thing to deal with. My sympathies, OP.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-16 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I was sorry about her death as well-- although for some reason I found her little inside jokes in her final Vicky Bliss book sort of comforting. It felt like she had ended that series gently but finally and sort of bowed herself out. I have no idea if that was deliberate.
ext_18500: My non-fandom OC Oraania. She's crazy. (Default)

[identity profile] mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com 2016-01-17 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
I felt a bit that way when I found out David Eddings had died, even though I found it a couples of years after the event and I'd hated the way he ended his last book.

(Anonymous) 2016-01-17 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not familiar with this author OP, but I Googled and her books sound right up my alley. I will give her a try. :)