fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3300 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3300 ⌋

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My mom is demanding that my dad pay her $60000 a year for her "stay at home mom job", he's refusing, and I agree with him.

One, $60000 a year is totally fucking unreasonably high.
Two, she plans to take the money tax-free without paying rent, for her car, food, clothes, and so on. All of that is considered household supplies by her and therefore not out of her pocket.
Three, she wants to be paid but refuses to enter into an employer-employee relationship, meaning nobody gets to ask her to do anything she wasn't planning to do, or critique any of the work she does.

She is 50 and has never had an official job with an employer before and has no idea how they work. But something or someone put the idea in her head that she should be paid separately for her work even though my parents already have joint accounts for everything and she's never had to give up anything for her car or home or shopping, so it doesn't even matter. Listening to them argue is infuriating in the frustrating way. I can't believe this person worries that I don't know how the real world works.

Oh, wow. I'm guessing she's been feeling a little undervalued (or maybe a LOT undervalued) for the work she's put in over the years to run the household. Which is fair enough, a lot of housewives are stuck in this position where they're on the job 24/7, but with few people recognizing it as "work".

At this point I doubt you could reason with her, though I agree with your points. $60K is rather high, and if she wants her work to be treated on par with a job outside the home, then it's only logical to figure in the same expenses, responsibilities and taxes. But you won't get far arguing this. The only way to tackle this issue is to go the root of the problem, which is your mother feeling under-appreciated and taken for granted.

I feel worse for my dad, because it isn't as though she's showed him appreciation on her side either. He works 15 hour days, and she mostly sits at home and watches soaps.

I'm not saying homemaking isn't work, because it is. But the balance is honestly off skewed toward her here.

Honestly, I think she's hitting mid life crisis where she doesn't know what she's done with her life, and taking it out on him.

Under appreciation is a two way street. But keep in mind that what your dad has that your mom doesn't is 1) a paycheck to compensate him for his work and 2) the unquestioning recognition that his work is "real" work.

Encourage your mom to pursue some hobbies outside the house, something that's creatively fulfilling. In the meantime, pitch in with the housework yourself.

I already do pitch in about a third of the work but there was significantly no demand for me to get paid along with her. :P

And I understand the point about appreciation but what I was trying to say is that I don't think it's an issue of anyone outside, I think it's her. She has to find happiness or self worth before anyone else can pay her into it. I already do encourage her to find hobbies but she doesn't want to, I encourage her to travel but she's too afraid to, I encourage her to learn new things but she doesn't want to. She's one of those 50 year olds that are terrified of computers and the internet. She refuses to talk to anyone about it either.

My sympathies. She sounds a little... institutionalized, for lack of a better word. Like she's been stuck in that rut for so long she doesn't know how to get herself out of it, and her general unhappiness drives these unreasonable demands. I hope for your sake she finds a healthier, more productive way of finding happiness. 50 years is too young to be so stodgy.

[ SECRET POST #3300 ]

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