fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3314 ]

[ SECRET POST #3314 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3314 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 072 secrets from Secret Submission Post #474.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Like where is the line? Is something creepy just because it makes me uncomfortable? Does it have to have sexual implications or inferences? Is it a violation of social norms or is it more personal than that? Can perfectly ordinary behaviour be called creepy if I find it creepy? Or is it something specific?

If it feels like something is creeping on the back of your neck or inside you, it's creepy.

So it's a personal thing? Like guy eating salad in the next table over can be considered creepy if something unknowable about him gives you that sensation?

DA

well yeah, "creepy" can be a kind of personal thing. like maybe the guy eating salad is staring at you nonstop, or eating in a really strange manner or something like that.

And what if he's not doing any of that. What if he's just sitting there reading a book and being what anyone else would consider perfectly normal, but you, in that moment, for no explicable reason feel creeped out by him. Or her. Is he or she still creepy?

I suppose what I'm asking is "Is creepy in the eye of the beholder"?

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

Na.

Yes, but then creepy isn't the insult people on the internet like to make it out to be.

There is nothing wrong with being creepy.

It does not actually make you a violent rapist and abuser no matter how people try to spin it like that. It makes people think you are a violent rapist and abuser sure, but that has no bearing on your life. People will think of you what people think of you.

There is nothing wrong with being creepy.

I have to disagree there. Making someone else feel creeped out is a bad thing.

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:00 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

People will think of you what people think of you.

If the general consensus among adults is that you're creepy you've got an issue.

Re: Protip:

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Protip:

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:47 (UTC) - Expand

If he's eating the salad with his hands while discoursing about how people nowadays don't really commune with their food, maybe.

I'd say if it makes you uncomfortable, it counts as creepy.

Yes, if it makes you uncomfortable, it counts as creepy. Some people think this is SJW talk, but it's actually what you're taught in most workplace sexual harassment training sessions. So unfortunately there's no way to totally make sure you're never creepy to anyone. The difference between being creepy and being a creep, though, is whether or not you stop doing the creepy thing when you're told it's making someone uncomfortable.

No, if I recall my sexual harassment training there's usual some sort of 'reasonable person' clause. Like, would a reasonable person find this cause for concern? I mean, my co-worker can't just decide that me putting my stuff in my locker is creepy and have my boss make me stop doing that. That's unreasonable.

What if the creepy behaviour is something you're perfectly entitled to do?

For example, breathing through your mouth is considered creepy, but what if a person has respiratory problems? Should he have to stop or he's a creep? Example at random. What if he doesn't have respiratory problems, it's just the way he breaths, should he really have to modify that behaviour just because it's creepy?

"being a creep, though, is whether or not you stop doing the creepy thing when you're told it's making someone uncomfortable."

So if I refuse to stop writing notes in my notebook because it's making my coworker uncomfortable for some reason, I'm a creep?

Yeah, kinda. If it makes her uncomfortable and she tells you to stop, and you knowing it makes her uncomfortable keep it up? That's a creepy thing to do.

Well that's patently ridiculous.

"Sorry sir. You're going to have to stop taking notes because this person finds it creepy. From now on, just work on developing an eidetic memory."

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-02-01 08:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What is creepy?

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-31 02:56 (UTC) - Expand

There's got to be a line drawn somewhere.

It's one thing to not tell racist/sexist/bigoted jokes in the presence of a sure-to-be-offended third party. But WRITING IN A NOTEBOOK? We still live in a society where that is generally not considered "creepy" behavior. It's not even rude behavior unless you're at a meeting that for some reason has banned the use of notebooks. And how do you know someone is writing in a notebook unless you're LOOKING RIGHT AT THEM? I mean, if you find something objectionable, don't you have SOME responsibility to not put yourself in a position where it might offend you? Racist joke, yeah, you can't help that, because Bob's a fucking asshole. Someone writing in a notebook? STOP LOOKING AT THEM and MYOB. Put on some earphones. Focus on your work. You're probably doing lousy work because of all the energy you spent being offended by someone writing in a notebook.

Look, even if the offended person has a bad memory tied to a creepy person who for some reason loooooved to write in notebooks, there is no way for the current notebook writer to know this, and therefore, it is not their problem. Offended person needs to get some therapy because it sounds like they're walking a dangerous line between getting offended and being the offender. Or do you think it's also acceptable to run around the workplace saying that people should stop working at their desks because desks remind you of "hard wood" and that's related to dicks so it's creepy. (Yes, that's a ridiculous example, but no more than "creepy" notebook writing.)

I think the good old "reasonable person" standard applies here.

For instance: There are a lot of reasons someone could be writing in a notebook. They might be working on a novel, planning a project, keeping a diary--all things that pertain only to themselves. The majority of reasonable people would probably not be made uncomfortable by the sight of someone writing in a notebook. And even if they were, they probably would realize that just because it makes them uncomfortable, that's not a reason to ask the person to stop doing it.

On the other hand, writing in a notebook while following somebody around probably meets most reasonable people's standards for creepiness. And hiding in somebody's dumbwaiter? Definitely creepy.

Okay but. When we say 'uncomfortable' that's a pretty broad word. If we're going by the rule that anything that makes someone uncomfortable is creepy-what about calling out someone who's making bigoted remarks or jokes.

Surely if you call out their comments or jokes as bigoted you will put them on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable.

So if you continue to call them out on their bigotry despite their discomfort you are being by your own words a creep.

So in that situation,what would be more important? Addressing bigoted behavior, or not being a creep?

Exactly. There are probably people who feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone with tattoos or piercings: is it reasonable to ask someone to cover up their tattoos or remove their body jewelry because it makes you uncomfortable?

If you google "gang stalking," you'll find that a surprising number of people believe in all seriousness that they've been targeted for continuous surveillance by the government, and that they're surrounded by whole gangs of stalkers who signal each other with apparently innocent gestures like buttoning one's coat, blowing one's nose, or retying one's shoes. I'd imagine that people who regard themselves as "targeted individuals" are made very uncomfortable by such gestures, but does that mean they're entitled to ask a stranger to curtail them? (This came to mind this week because I have a cold and the state of my nose is either stuffed up or runny, so I've been blowing my nose a lot.)

What it comes down to is, first, is the activity directed at you, and second, does it involve someone disregarding your boundaries and feeling entitled to do so? Telling your coworker "You should wear your hair down more often, you look prettier that way"? Creepy. Insistently offering unwanted help with groceries, or repeatedly trying to strike up a conversation with someone who replies with "um"? Creepy. And tbh, I'd argue that by those criteria, asking someone to curtail an innocent activity because you perceive it as directed at you is also creepy.

I really disagree. Creepy behavior is behavior that (a) is directed toward someone personally, (b) violates a boundary in some way, and (c) has an element of presumption and entitlement.

Say you enter a store in the mall from outside, and there's an ice storm in progress and the clerk says "Have they salted the walks yet? This morning I saw three people slip on the ice just getting from the bus to the door!" Not creepy, because the weather isn't a personal topic and the clerk has some legitimate interest in knowing how bad conditions are.

You enter a store in the mall and the clerk says "Wow, you should wear your hair down more often, you look much prettier that way!" Creepy, because it's personal, and it implies that the clerk is entitled to a say in how you wear your hair.

I actually think in some instances (e.g. the one people have discussed here, feeling uncomfortable because someone is writing in a notebook) it's creepy--i.e., presumptuous and entitled--to expect anyone to curtail an innocent behavior that's not directed at you.

I think a lot of it comes down to men making women feel uncomfortable. Socially we've never been OK with that and for good reason. Anything that makes a woman feel threatened is creepy.

Some people thing everything is creepy. That is not a good metric.

i find everything with unreasonable doubt creepy and i am paranoid. PERIOD.

(sorry, but thread below me just give me a little vibe of it...)

Creepy is not an exact term, but the way I use it and how I've seem it used is to describereepy things that make people feel uncomfortable - so it doesn't have to be sexual, thought it often can be or there might be sexual undertones to the behaviour.

As an inexact term based on subjective experience, it obviously varies from person to person. However, there are some things that most people would agree are creepy - standing too close or staring too long, on the lighter end of the creepy spectrum, are good examples.

There are other things that indoviduals might find creepy for idiosyncratic reasons. There's nothing wrong with that, but if they try to claim that something is universally creepy when most people think of it as within the bounds of normal behaviour they will probably be laughed at, judged or thought of as strange themselves.

Sexual harrassment in the workplace is an example of behaviour once thought of as normal that enough people eventually came out and said was unacceptable that laws were passed to protect people from it. That behaviour became universally thought of as 'creepy' over a period of time, attitudes changing and the demographics of the workplace changing.

Think of 'creepy' the same as what qualifies as 'rude' - this will differ from person to person and also culture to culture.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only