fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3317 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3317 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[D.Gray-man - Miranda Lotto]

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[The Thick of It]

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[Golden Kamui]

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(The Lost Boys)

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[Marble Hornets/troyhasacamera]

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[@midnight with Chris Hardwick]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 037 secrets from Secret Submission Post #474.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm also a camgirl, and while I agree that your emotional reaction to anything is perfectly ok because they are your emotional reactions and as such don't need a justification beyond "This made me feel bad", I think the people telling you why you're justified for your reaction are kinda throwing gas on the fire, and being way too unnecessarily shitty about your boy.

So I've had partners use my services in the past, and you know how it works, there is no friends and family discount, even the pope has to pay per minute, so you made your money for doing your job just like he was anyone other client. I'm assuming this was a private chat? If not then releasing your pet name on the internet is unjustifiably dickish, but if you're showing your business in a free chat you're a terrible camgirl. Seriously, free advice, lure them into private before showing the goods. Assuming this was in private, it would have been just like he was anyone other client.

So from the camgirl side, this is bau. Nothing untoward happened.

The grey area is the relationship side. Thing is, tho, unless you told him not to ever use your services he kinda had every right to do it. Maybe he thought it would be hot? Maybe he though it would be funny? Maybe he just wanted to see how it felt to be your client. "Some guys (Girls too) have issues with the work and this is just how they deal. Hell, maybe he just wanted to get off and you were working so he thought, "Hey, I'll throw her a couple of bucks and give her a surprise."

Fact is, if you're perfectly ok to have your emotional reaction to this, he has to be perfectly ok to have his reasons for wanting to do it and none of the people arguing that he was in the wrong seem to accept that.

Is it that your boyfriend used you for getting off without you knowing? I can see why that would be iffy to some people, but the fact is he did the same thing anyone else could have done. He didn't take anything from you that you weren't willingly giving him. I do get the that that is the thin end of a very horrible wedge of arguments, but in this case it's true. The "I'm her boyfriend, maybe that makes it less ok for me to do this than if I were a stranger" thought process you and so many people here seem to expect him to take, that is not a logical thought process.

Now the other side of it is the "He's my boyfriend, I don't want him visiting camgirls" which again, perfectly valid for you to feel that way. However that does open up the argument that you being a camgirl is infidelity. You're getting other men off for a living. I'm not saying he'll feel that way, but it's an argument you open up if you go to the "This is wrong of you to do because cheating" and if you want him to start thinking that way, the relationship is over. That's cancer. He starts feeling like there's an intimacy in the camgirl / client thing, that he's not entitled to but you are, that's going to eat away, he's going to feel like it's cheating, and then it's over. Very few guys or girls can un-feel that.

Lastly there is the dishonesty angle. Again, entirely justified that you not be happy about it, but there are lots of dishonesties in relationships. Lies to conceal presents are surprises are fine. Practical jokes in relationships are also fine, although I do admit I've seen entirely too many people call abusive behaviour on couples that prank each other. Makes me think that they lack any kind of spark. Sure pranks go to far, but the intent and the impact of the behaviour matters as much as the actual behavior. So yeah, there is again room to suppose that if he didn't already know you would get upset about it, that he wouldn't think "I'm going to do this. It'll be a surprise" and wouldn't expect it to be a big deal.

Honestly you're absolutely in the right to feel the way you feel, because it's your feelings. He is also absolutely in the right to see nothing wrong with what he did.

This response is pretty much everything I've been trying to say, across multiple posts, and failing spectacularly at. Thank you.

[ SECRET POST #3317 ]

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