fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3335 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3335 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

(Red Dead Redemption, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

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02. [repeat]

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03.

[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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04.

[One Direction, "What Makes You Beautiful"]

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05.

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06.

[Hanayome wa Motodanshi]

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07.

[Driver: San Francisco, Jun and Ayumu]

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08.

[Naruto]

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09.

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10.

[Ash Ketchum/Professor Oak]

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11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #477.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If your "feminism" can't acknowledge that men have positive traits, and precludes you making your partner feel good, then you're the problem.

Dump him before you succeed in making him an actual enemy of feminism, if that's truly so important to you.

Seriously that's what you got from this? I said I care about him. I said I am plenty positive about him. I only said women need my support more than he does and you take from that that I can't / wont support him as a man? You're sounding super MRA here.

Hahaha sure.

I'm honestly starting to think you're radfem anon and you're trolling more softly than usual today. If so, congrats. You got me.

lol mte
did better trolling this time, congrats

So, what, you're just done talking down to me and decided to start throwing insults?

lol

You were the first one to start flinging insults. Now I'm convinced.

10/10 would be trolled again.

So, what, you're just done talking down to me and decided to start thowing insults?

Oops. missfire.

Confirmed for radfem.

Women need your support - but which women? Who? Any you know personally? Are you an activist and feel like he's taking away time from you volunteering?

You are in a relationship with this guy. Relationships take effort. If that means getting into some conversations with him every now and then about how gender roles hurt men too, or whatever, that hardly seems like too much to ask.

All women. If an somone talks about how bad male rape is on a thread about rape culture, I'm not going to go "aww poor baby, tell me about it" I'm going to call a derailing asshole a derailing asshole. This doesn't mean that I don't sympathise with men, it just means I know where my priorities are.

And yes, I do agree that gender roles hurt men. Of course they do but they also hurt women and I don't think I should have to stop what I'm doing to add the caveat "But this affects men too" every ten mins. Besides in some cases that argument would be actively derailing. "The pay gap needs to disappear. Not just for women, but also so that men don't *Blah blah blah ten minute tangent about mens shit just so I have his permission to talk about women*

Gender roles do hurt men but the way that will be fixed is not by expecting feminists to stop every 5 mins to hold your hand, and it's sure as shit not going to be fixed with videos attacking women for doing what is necessary. These videos don't see the patriarchy as the reason for the gender roles, they see feminism as the reason why men are no longer rewarded for clinging to gender roles.

You aren't in threads where your boyfriend is derailing - you are in a real life relationship. It isn't about having arguments that you derail, its about having conversations with your fucking partner. Its about talking to your boyfriend like a person, not a debate partner.

But still, when it comes up what am I supposed to do? "That's right sweetie, you're the real victim of the pay gap"

What are you proposing?

DA

The only two options you can think of are dismissing him or completely turning the subject around?

How about "yes, that's an issue too but I'm talking about this other issue. We can talk about that one afterward if you want"? You can acknowledge issues exist without going to the extremes you're going to.

No - he said he wants to feel affirmed. You don't have to go "gosh men have it worse and women have no problems!" to acknowledge that yes, there are some things that suck for him. Going "man its sad how men not being allowed to cry can be really damaging" does not prevent you from also talking, at other times, about the way gender roles damage women.

But considering how dramatic and black and white you're being in these comments, idk if you are able to manage that.

Devil's advocate time: Have you heard the stuff he finds affirming? If that's what he wants from a feminist girl-friend, I can see why op would be pissed off.

DA

Devil's devil's advocate: What if OP is actually a huge cow like this irl and the bf's reaction is because she goes around all MEN ARE EVIL all the time? Doesn't excuse it, but they appear to both be adult babies, so it makes a certain amount of sense.

WHERE did she say anything like "men are evil?"

Then she should dump him, but she refuses to hear that advice, so I'm trying to propose a middle ground

Have you see what she considers the only options for dealing with his problems. Either dismissal or "but this is about ME"

For fuck's sake she's practically admitted that she sees him bringing up any of his concerns as being akin to derailing on a message board. She probably sees anything he says that isn't all about her to be "derailing".

This person doesn't even sound mature enough to be in any kind of relationship. I don't know enough about the boyfriend to say, and frankly I don't trust her word on anything.

I reeeaally don't think the people in those videos would offer affirmation to men who are upset that people look down on men for crying. They'd be the first to call a guy who's crying a pussy/mangina/etc. They support and affirm traditionally masculine men, they don't support men who go against traditional gender roles.

Look, here's the deal. Your being a feminist is more important to you than your boyfriend's feelings. That's fine. But say it for what it is.

Feeling affirmed in his gender is important for him. You are not willing to do that. On an individual scale, sure, but it's not the same thing and you know it (you wouldn't accept a non-feminist singing your praises as a person while not being supportive of women in general).

This is a wall that you're both running up against, and it's not going to fall. So sorry, but break up with him, and let him find someone that matches him better. Then you find the same.

[ SECRET POST #3335 ]

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DA

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