fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3336 ]

[ SECRET POST #3336 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3336 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

what is a sexual attraction, then? i'll go a bit more personal, if thats ok, so i can properly convey my problem with all of this. i never considered myself asexual, i'm in a romantic/sexual relationship and happy in it. but with the definition of asexuality, as well as aromanticism, getting so broad, i'm starting to feel confused as to uhm, what isn't asexual/aromantic? i mean, what should i be feeling to know i am not asexual or aromantic? if people who are can be happy having sex and being in relationships. does this make sense?

Do you ever look at someone and go 'that person is sexually attractive! If I was alone with that person, I would have sex with them!'? Then you are not asexual. That's literally it.

but... what makes a person sexually attractive? i mean, when i look at my partner i'm like 'oh man, he's so cute and i like him so much! it would be fun to make him feel good, it's so lovely to see him enjoying himself so much. it makes me happy.' - is that sexual attraction? or not? :(

Sexual attraction isn't really something other people can define for you. for me, that sounds like sexual attraction, but I am not you!

Words are just words. They're nice to have if we're uncertain, but they don't define us. Do you enjoy having sex with this guy? Are you fully consenting? Are you content and happy in your current sex life? These are the things that really matter. No one can define your sexuality for you, that's all on you. But if nothing is wrong in your sex life, does the word really matter? And if something IS wrong, THEN you should sit down with your partner and figure things out.

I see! Thanks a lot for talking to me about this - you cleared up some of that confusion I had. :) I think I'll leave labels to those who feel more comfortable with having them, instead of trying to categorize myself when faced with them and then feeling confused and lost.

I was worried I was confusing you more, actually, so I'm glad to hear it! There are some other people in this thread who might be able to help out, too. I myself am not Ace, so I could only do my best and hope I was saying the right thing.

I think you have the right idea, though. Unless it's bothering you to not have a label, don't worry about it!

There's a difference between looking at a stranger and immediately thinking 'they're so attractive, I'd sleep with them', and looking at someone you already know and appreciate that you want them to be happy etc. There's sexual feelings, and romantic feelings, and friendship feelings, and to me the latter two are very similar except for the level of intimacy (how you feel towards an old friend compared to a new work collegue etc), but the sexual feelings are more physical and not sparked by looking at anyone. That doesn't mean I can't have friends and feelings about them, or want a closer relationship that is nearer a romantic one but lacking sex and physical stuff.

If you've ever looked at a person and thought, "Oh man, I would like to do sexual things with them," that's basically sexual attraction in a nutshell.

If you've never really wanted to have sex with a person, but you care about your partner and you enjoy making them feel good, that could mean you're a romantic asexual. But it kind of depends:

If you don't actively want to have sex with anyone, and giving your partner sexual pleasure is NOT sexually arousing for you, but you enjoy it on an emotional level, then I would say you're most likely a romantic asexual.

If you don't actively want to have sex with anyone, but giving your partner sexual pleasure IS sexually arousing for you, then...I don't really know.

You could be a sexual person with a low sex-drive, who gets more sexual pleasure indirectly, through giving pleasure, than directly, through receiving the sexual attentions of your partner.

Or you might be demisexual (look it up if you need to). I read a study somewhere that suggested that many demisexuals report their enjoyment of sex stems more from how they feel about their partner than from their own personal hunger for sex. This could be an inaccurate generalization though, and I'm not demisexual myself, so I can't speak with any authority whatsoever.

Bottom line though: If you're happy with your partner and you're comfortable with what you guys do and/or don't do together, then remember that you don't necessarily need to label yourself one way or another. If you want to explore the various possibilities on the Ace spectrum, that's cool, but if you're happy just being you and not seeking an established label, that's equally as valid.

If you don't actively want to have sex with anyone, but giving your partner sexual pleasure IS sexually arousing for you, then...I don't really know.

I think that's demi-sexual actually

Basically it's not getting 'that tingling feeling' that most people get when they see someone pretty that makes them realise they want to have sex with them.

I wouldn't say "most people" are physically aroused by random attractive strangers...

(And there are plenty of reasons you can not "want to have sex with" a person even if you find them hot to look at. Being a sexual person doesn't mean you don't have any other personal boundaries. I mean, maybe you already know that and were just glossing it over to keep the comment short, but I thought it was wroth mentioning.)

DA

I wouldn't say "most people" are physically aroused by random attractive strangers...

Aren't they? I'm a type of Ace, so I can't really weigh in here on a personal level. But most of my sexual friends (both male and female) report feeling - at least occasionally - sexually interested in people they only meet briefly.

DA:

Sexually interested isn't the same as physically aroused (tingling feeling). Sometimes I look at people and think I'd like to have sex with them, but it's very, very rare to look at a stranger and get physically aroused.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3336 ]

AYRT

Re: AYRT

AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT, sorry for so many stupid questions!

Re: AYRT

Re: AYRT

Re: AYRT

Re: AYRT