fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3343 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3343 ⌋

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I have a friend, and I have a girlfriend, and they happen to be roommates. I met the girlfriend through the friend, and knew her for a couple years before dating her. (we've been dating a year now.) The friend is one of my oldest friends, and due to issues with me moving and having depression, she is now one of my only friends.

Recently they've been fighting about roommate stuff. Basically my GF got robbed, and now gets mad when my friend does stuff like invite people my gf doesn't know over without telling her, which is totally understandable imo, but I have ended up kind of being in the middle. They both complain to me (my gf especially about my friend) and I feel very stuck and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell them they can't talk to me, and its not like they've asked me to choose between them and I don't think they would, but it just makes me so uncomfortable.

Is there anyway for me to deal with this without alienating them? They're not going to be living together much longer (not related to this fight, my friend will be moving after she graduates), so should I just suck it up till it blows over? Idk what to do :/

If they're not expecting you to take sides or interfere, then I'd just try to nod and sympathize with each person. "I'm sorry." "That sounds tough." "That sucks." "I can understand that."

Or maybe you should flat out say what you've said here. "You're my [gf/friend] and she's my [friend/gf] and I want to be there for both of you, but it's very awkward being put in the middle of this. I hope you can work this problem out between you."

Resist the urge to offer suggestions for how to mediate the argument. I know it sounds like a good idea, but you'd be involving yourself in their fight, which is exactly the opposite of what you want. It's also perfectly okay to ask them to limit their venting time as far as you're concerned. Like... you get five minutes to let off steam, and then you guys are going to take a walk, watch a movie, go out for tacos, whatever. Something fun to make you both feel better.

If they are moving apart soon then yeah, it might be a good idea to try to weather it. And definitely set boundaries. Tell them both you're not comfortable feeling in the middle or being asked to take sides or being asked to agree that someone else you care about is being awful or whatever. Just be honest with them about it. Gently remind them if they need to vent (which is perfectly normal) they should do so to people who are neutral and don't know the other person involved.

Hopefully once they move apart they stay friends and don't have fights anymore. Rooming together can mess up friendships, I've heard.

[ SECRET POST #3343 ]

Friend and GF fighting advice

Re: Friend and GF fighting advice

Re: Friend and GF fighting advice