[ SECRET POST #3349 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3349 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[X/1999]










Notes:

Early today, places to go!

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #479.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - random memes with no secrets in them ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

I worry, sometimes, about how easily I stop caring about people when I stop seeing them very often. I remember all the annoying or shitty things bout them instead of the good things and never have a desire to reconnect. I'm young enough that this could be because I didn't have much in common with those people (high school friends mostly) to begin with, but I still feel like I'm a bitch for emotionally dropping them without a second thought.

Re: Confessions thread

[herpymcderp]

I wouldn't worry too much. The naked truth is that this is how most people are wired. We can't really care deeply about people who aren't physically interacting with us in some way.

It has a lot to do with neural plasticity and the way in which we form concrete emotional memories of people and I could give a huge tl;dr answer for why humans generally suck at being motivated to be empathetic, but that would take a lot of time lol

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

That's helpful to know, and I think I'm going to do a little research into this since you gave me a place to start. Thanks. :)

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

You're definitely not the only one. And it probably does have something to do with being young/not having a lot in common with them.

I have a pair of HS friends I see maybe once a year and each time I wonder why I still bother. They still hang out together and have plenty in common, so I'm a third wheel. Then I remember it was always sort of like that, except in HS we knew all the classes/teachers/people the others talked about, and we were thrown together by having even less in common with everyone else.

Things are better with my old uni friends who I see slightly more often share more interests with. But even there I know that it wouldn't take much for it to completely fade away. The difference there though is that I know it also wouldn't take much for us to be close again.

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the same way, OP, though in my case I think it may be at least partially to do with childhood trauma. I have a hard time feeling connected to people, even when I'm with them, though more so when they're not around. It's not that I'm a misanthrope, either, it's just that my default setting seems to be indifference and disconnection.

I don't actually think there's anything wrong with being this way, and it's probably more common than it seems. I mean, a lot of people who say they care a lot about the people in their lives will turn around and behave in ways that seem pretty uncaring, so it's not always easy to gauge what's really going on in people's hearts/heads.

However, one thing I will say is that, in my experience, it's worth making the effort to try to feel more connected to people. It's worth making the effort to try to care more deeply and more enduringly, especially as one gets older and friendships become more difficult to establish and maintain.

It can be sort of a fake-it-till-you-make-it situation, where you just have to go through the motions (as genuinely as possible) until you start to kind of absorb some of that into yourself for real.

Re: Confessions thread

[caerbannog]

You're not a bitch :) Most people are like this, they're more friendships of convenience. Highschool, coworkers etc. As you move on, many you leave behind (and they to you).

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

I am the opposite. I still think about people I haven't talked to in years. Now this thtead is making me feel like a weirdo.

Re: Confessions thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm one of the anons from upthread who feels the same as OP.

I have a couple of friends it didn't work out with who I still think about, even years later. But the thing is, when our friendship broke up, my emotional reaction was to be like, "Gee, that's too bad, what a shame." And now, a few years later, my emotional reaction is still, "Gee, that's too bad, what a shame." I have a hard time imagining being genuinely broken up about a friendship ending, which to me would be the indicator that I was really invested and really cared a lot.