fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3353 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3353 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Beverly Hills Cop 3]

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03.

[New Tricks]

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04.

[Lord of the Rings]

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05.

[Splatoon]

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06.

[Tessa Stone/Not Drunk Enough/Hanna is not a Boy's Name]

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07.

[Actor Frank Kelly, playing Father Jack Hackett in Father Ted]

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08.

[Frasier]

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09.

[Jem and the Holograms comic]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #479.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I feel awful saying this, but I'm sick of my mom. She's got terminal cancer, but she just came back from a week in Hawaii and immediately went on a bender. I've got school or work every day of the week and it's midterm time, so missing school is not an option and I didn't realise how quickly she went down the tubes over the weekend, and it got really bad yesterday. I've been pouring out bottles whenever I find them and this morning I took her wallet, keys, and phone (she has a dealer who's been calling), then locked all the gates and the other house on the property so she couldn't go get more booze, moved her car so she couldn't buy another set of car keys like last time, and left for school. She broke out through the one gate that can't be totally secured, paid for a big bottle with pennies, and chugged it on her way home. She left her old dog out in the yard, and the poor thing got stuck in a thorny thicket. So I got home, my mom wasn't there, and there was frantic pained yelping coming from the bushes. I untangled the dog, fed her (I had to buy dog food on the way home since mom hasn't fed her in days, I've been making the dog poached eggs because I didn't have time to shop), and mom came home and demanded to be let in. I was so tempted to leave her on the street. The dog's all scratched up and so am I. I got milk and meds into my mom, yelled at her, tried to get more liquid into her, and watched her pour it all over herself. I hope she doesn't die overnight; she always manages to be just sober enough to tell the EMTs to fuck off if I call. And now I've got homework. The temptation to turn this rant in in place of the working bibliography and thesis, short stories, and short story review responses that're due tomorrow is overwhelming. But this kind of shit happens every semester, and I can't keep blaming her for my inability to handle all my responsibilities. I should just let her drink herself to death and empty her bank account to pay for opiates and valium in the meantime, but I'm not strong enough to deal with losing my last remaining family. She was actually the good parent. But watching the one commit suicide didn't prepare me to lose the other one.

Fuck. This is rough. You sound like a bamf just for dealing with it (and still managing to take classes!).

I don't have any advice for you, because your experience is way beyond anything I've had to deal with in my life. I guess just try to remember that no matter what, you're very strong for having handled as much as you already have. And if there's anything you can do that will allow you to put yourself and your needs first, you should feel 100% justified in doing it, no matter what the means for your mom.

And try to remember to be compassionate with yourself. It sounds like you've had a life where your needs and wants haven't been met very much, and I think that kind of life can make people feel like the best way to be is to be as hard and as spare as a stone. It can make people really ruthless with themselves. But you deserve more than that. One day you will get through this and reach a point where your burden is greatly lessened, and if you can be compassionate with yourself and be protective of the parts of you that want good things for yourself, you'll be able to grow far above and beyond all of this, given time.

[ SECRET POST #3353 ]

Re: Gripes, complaints, stuff you're sick with, whatever

Re: Gripes, complaints, stuff you're sick with, whatever