[ SECRET POST #3357 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3357 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #480.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the anon from down thread who identifies as autochoris, and this is me too. And yeah, it's pretty crushing. I deal with it fairly well, day-to-day, but I know it's going to get harder as I get older. I mean, I was totally fine with it when I was seventeen, but by twenty five I was struggling, and now I'm almost thirty and by now the reality of it has really thoroughly settled on me.

Though in my case, I think if it's not just genetic (which it very well could be), then there might be some childhood trauma that caused me to develop the way I have. I dealt with some pretty intense parental abandonment and estrangement throughout my entire infancy and childhood, which could potentially cause one's sexual and romantic inclinations to reject the involvement of others, I guess? Not that our parental relationships are romantic/sexual, of course - just that they basically serve as the template from which we learn about relating in general.

I really wish there were a way of (respectfully, unintrusively) getting more information/first hand accounts from others who are "unhappily ace/aro." As it stands so little seems to be known about us. Like, almost nothing. :/

[(Anonymous)]

given your history, it would not surprise me at all if you have some serious trust issues that might be contributing to how you feel.

[(Anonymous)]

The thing is, though, if it were something psychology based (as opposed to genetic based), it wouldn't be something like "trust issues." We'd literally be talking about who I am as a person.

I mean, this is an uncomfortable example, but it's sort of like how there's no treatment for psychopathy. Because what you need to do there is change who that person is as a person. You would literally have to crawl back through the years to when they were just becoming a person - at six months old and two years old and five years old and eight years old - and change the circumstances that cause that person's propensity for psychopathy to become realized.

Well, I'm relatively certain that in order to change the nature of my sexuality, that same impossible feat would have to occur. Because we're not talking about a really bad one-time trauma that happened when I was eight and already halfway formed - something to be rooted out and addressed and made peace with. We're talking about the utterly constant circumstances of my becoming a person from the time I was six months to the time I was fifteen. You can't root that out, address it and make peace with it, because it is who you are.

Which is why the whole "Is your sexuality genetic or is it down to some kind of disorder/trauma?" question has always kind of stuck me as somewhat useless. Because it doesn't really matter; it's who I am either way.