fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3364 ]

[ SECRET POST #3364 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3364 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[The Glass Scientists]

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03.

[Ghostbusters remake]

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04.

[All for One Webseries]

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05.

[Castle]

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06.

[DC Comics]

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07.

[Reign of Fire]

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08.

[Steven Universe]

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09.

[K. Tempest Bradford]

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10.

[Against the Wall]

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11.

[Queer Literature, "In the Company of Shadows"]

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12.

(Star Wars Rebels)

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13.

[Jeeves and Wooster, P.G. Wodehouse]

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14.

[Giles Coren]

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15.

[James Marsters/Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #481.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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If you judge a potential romantic (even fantasy) partner as unsuitable due to their age, and that person is an adult over the age of consent, then that is a form of ageism.

No harm, no foul, other than in RL potentially missing out on a meaningful relationship due to a hangup.

How, exactly, is it a form of ageism, when the only thing they're uncomfortable with are their own feelings? They're not judging the person on the grounds of their age, or calling into question the validity of a relationship with someone of that age.

They're uncomfortable about their feelings for a character who, though she may be over the age of consent now, was not that way at the show's beginning. It's a whole lot more complicated than "ew, age difference" when it involves a character you have watched evolve from under-age to over-age.

Well, no, that's a pile of bullshit and you sound like the creepy middle-aged weirdo that creeps out college kids in bars because "hey, they're legal." But you do you.

da

They sound more like the whiny newly-minted 18-year-old kicking up a fuss because they weren't instantly invited to sit at the grown-ups' table, and their teachers, their parents, and their parent' friends haven't immediately started treating them like a peer.

NAYRT, but MTE. Anon gives off that Tumblr-esque air of "I know everything there is to know about the world because I've lived in it for 19 whole years and anyone who says I'm too young is ageist".

Nah. I'm just not as judgemental as you appear to be. I recognised this same sort of ageism in myself when I realised an actor I was crushing on was entering primary school the year I started college. It was an entirely depressing thought, frankly.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Discriminating on the basis of age. Which is what is under discussion, anon.

Guilt and/or discomfort about one's own feelings =/= discrimination.

Except having a lower age limit on where you're willing to focus attraction or romantic attention isn't discrimination by any remotely reasonable definition of the word.

Also, using a term that was coined to refer to elder abuse and the societal tendency to depersonalize seniors to refer instead to the fact that sometimes, adults don't treat teens and young adults without significant life experience as peers and valid romantic partners is an incredibly obnoxious misuse of that term.

No. It's just not as limiting as you choose to use it. Ageism comes in all sorts of forms, from judgeing a teen as not being responsible enough to hold a part time job, just because they are 16, to not hiring a 50 year old because the hiring manager is 35, even though in both cases, both candidates would otherwise be perfect fits.

Also putting limits on interacting with other people based on age, even though there may be lots of other points of connection and common interests.

Both of which examples actively affect the lives and prospects of the people being discriminated against. That is what discrimination is: passing judgement in a way that negatively affects the life of the people being judged. Please explain exactly how a real person's discomfort RE who they find attractive actively affects the life of a fictional character.

If a person uses the same judgemental stance in real life as they have in this secret, which was the point I made in my first comment. Judge a potential partner solely on their age? Ageism. Finding out you feel ageist can come as a surprise and a shock, and be uncomfortably unsettling. It's no different than realising you are -ist in some other way.

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:43 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:47 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:55 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:59 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-03-20 21:46 (UTC) - Expand

Yeah for sure, but you haven't gone on the great injustice of ther being no babies CEOs. There are even younger goat mayors voted for by the public and some of these babies are more qualified for the positions, so it's pure ageism that there hasn't been a single one. They just haven't had the time to form the nepotism needed, a subtle form of discrimination.

We are not talking about hiring policy. We are talking about peer groups and social relationships.

The 16 year old is not the 35 year old's peer. They still won't be the 35 year old's peer when they're 18. It is entirely reasonable not to see them as a valid romantic partner at the latter age level, and to continue not to see them as a valid romantic partner or a social peer when they're 22 and the older person is 41.

Off topic, but that line (no matter the context), always cracks me up.

ayrt

Me, too. Which reminds me, I need to dig out my copy of the movie for a rewatch one of these day.

...No, it's not. It's being a reasonable human being with reasonable limits.

No, don't you understand! If you're a forty-year-old who has matured emotionally past the age of 22 and isn't interested in taking advantage of someone who is almost certainly at a different financial and social developmental stage than you and who has very little in common with you because you developed the majority of your personality while they were still figuring out what their fingers and toes were, then it's because you're a bigot. Sketchy old dudes hitting on girls their daughters' age have had it right all along!

Uh-huh. Or maybe it's because people are constantly being told how creepy it is to be attracted to people considerably younger than themselves.

Ugh, how old are you? I'm personally getting to that phase where 18-19 would just feel skeevy. Now OBVIOUSLY there are exceptions - but I'm just saying, you will probably come to a point in your life where you realize just how young people in their late teens are, mentally speaking. And that's not an insult - it's just, they have less mileage on life. And again, YES, some teens have already had a lot of "life" - but I ALSO had that as a teen, plus now I have all these years on top of that.

So yeah, I can totally get why OP would feel that way.

Don't bother

AYRT's obviously convinced they're so mature, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just being discriminatory, instead of being realistic about the fact that there's a whole lot of life distance between 18 and 38.

Are you fucking serious?

Am I ageist because I don't want to date men much older than me? Or much younger (though I'm young enough that's kind of a moot point right now)? What if I grow older still single and decide I still don't want to date men much older or younger than me? Can you explain exactly how that's ageist? People are comfortable with different things.

People talk about age gaps here all the time. Some people love them, some are meh, and some actively dislike them (like me), but this is the first time I've ever heard anyone call it ageist.

Edited 2016-03-20 22:40 (UTC)

You're not ageist. This person is obviously trying to justify something to themselves by pretending that they're somehow more enlightened than the rest of society.

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