fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3364 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3364 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[The Glass Scientists]

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03.

[Ghostbusters remake]

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04.

[All for One Webseries]

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05.

[Castle]

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06.

[DC Comics]

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07.

[Reign of Fire]

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08.

[Steven Universe]

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09.

[K. Tempest Bradford]

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10.

[Against the Wall]

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11.

[Queer Literature, "In the Company of Shadows"]

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12.

(Star Wars Rebels)

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13.

[Jeeves and Wooster, P.G. Wodehouse]

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14.

[Giles Coren]

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15.

[James Marsters/Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #481.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

that is not how emotions work anon

mimi-sardinia explained it far better than I could, so I'll refer you to her post, below. As she says, emotions are directly influenced by how we think--and how we think is at least partly within our control.

Telling oneself that feelings are like unalterable forces of nature that are beyond your control does give people the sense that they're not responsible for them or for the way they behave in consequence, so I can see why that idea is appealing. But it's not helping the anon who asked this question.

There is middle ground between "unalterable forces of nature" and being able to exercise complete control over one's emotions, anon. I would say they are "somewhat alterable forces of nature".

that they're not responsible for them or for the way they behave in consequence

There are two different things on different sides of that "or", and they are VERY different things.

But it's not helping the anon who asked this question.

Would it be more helpful to berate or guilt them for the way they're feeling? Because believe it or not, people actually can't help the way they feel. They can try to ignore it, focus their energy elsewhere, and they can certainly choose how to respond, but you can't just magic your emotions away.

No one is suggesting you can "magic" your emotions away, but yes, you can help the way you feel--or at least, you can do something about whether you continue to feel that way. Isn't it more helpful to think that yes, you can do something to feel better, than to think that your feelings are beyond your control and you are stuck feeling that way until some other event comes along to make you feel differently?

Yes, it's definitely more helpful to believe you have some control over how you feel! The way to get there is to work on it, get some different perspectives and try doing things differently. Many people on this thread have offered really good advice on starting out. The way to get there is not to have someone tell you "but don't you know you can control it!" especially when it's presented in such an extreme way as "If you choose not to feel bad, you won't feel bad!" That just makes people feel worse and it's really remarkably unhelpful; it contains zero in the way of practical advice.

[ SECRET POST #3364 ]

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