fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3386 ]

[ SECRET POST #3386 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3386 ⌋

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Notes:

Bit early today, sorry!

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My ex remarried and his new wife just had a kid. So now my son has a sibling, and I feel really weird about it.

Talk about blended families here.

Never heard that term before. Is it specific to stepchildren/parents?

Would it help to think of the new kid as more of a cousin? It's not like you would be in a position of responsibility over the kid. How does your son feel about it?

Blended families is a term that is most typically seen applied to two people, each with their own kids, who get married, but it sort of applies here. It's very much a step- thing.

My son is about to turn 13 and part of our custody deal was that when he hit puberty he'd live more-time with his dad and with me part-time. So, he's been transitioning to living primarily over there, and even before then he was in that "I don't want to talk my MOM" phase, so I haven't been able to get much more out of him than "Eh. It's cool, I guess."

Aww that sucks :( But I can see you also don't want to push it - teenagers can overreact.

I guess you could wait it out, or be all "eh it's cool" back at him?

If it helps at all, I was the new baby in this scenario for my family (slightly different situation since the reason my dad remarried/I exist is that his first wife passed away). If he's hitting his teenage years then he'll probably really appreciate the time spent with you since it'll be peace and quiet and not having his stuff gummed on. And hopefully he and the new sibling will really hit it off when they're older. My half-sister is 21 years older than me but we really get along and she's been someone that I can look up to; I can't imagine how weird this would be from your end, but hopefully it'll long-term be an awesome thing for your son.

Thanks, and I hope so. From his perspective, I really hope he just sees Baby as a new family member and not as someone who's stealing away all the Dad attention he was supposed to get when he moved in over there.

From my end it's still just this idea that there's a child that's in my ex's and son's life in a very specific way but I don't really have anything to do with it. It's just weird.

>taking care of his wife's son
Top kek.

I have a halfsister I didn't know about until I was a teenager. Now that's weird. But yeah, I think I get what you mean.
Also with the age difference, my nephew and I are the same generation, while my sister and I are not. Also he's officially more of an adult in terms of having his shit together, job-wise and owning-a-home-wise. Which is also weird.

My sister sort of did the same, having two kids from different dads with a large age gap, but they grew up together so it's sort of different. Sucks that I'll never really get to play aunt, though. Maybe great-ant, though, but I'm not sure I'm mentally ready.

I didn't meet my half-brother 'til my twenties, introduced by a cousin in a different country. I'm with you on weird.

My boss grew up knowing he was adopted, but he didn't know he had biological siblings until last year. That was a big weird for him.

Friend of mine had a similar experience. And there was always the nagging question of why she was adopted out, and her sister wasn't.

C U C K
U
C
K

that's not a thing, and stop trying to make it happen

Yeah I can understand the weird... My stepbrother's wife has a son from a previous marriage, and I don't see the child often (sometimes the son is with his dad, sometimes he's with his mom's side, sometimes I'm with the "non-step" side of the family); as a result, I don't really feel as close to this child as I do my other nephew/nieces who are more frequently at our shared family gatherings (including children from my stepbrother/wife). I do feel bad about perceived preferential treatment, especially since I have a stepbrother and have experienced the "blended family" thing, but I just don't feel much of a connection to a child I see maybe once a year...

Well.

My mother and father had three kids but divorced when I was a baby. It comes out that my mom cheated on my dad for the first two kids - oops. My mother marries my stepfather soon after the divorce, and they have another kid. My stepfather also was previously married, and brings a stepsister along. My father also remarries and has two kids.

I grew up with absolutely no drama about any of this, everyone more or less got along when they had to interact, and I didn't realize how awkward it was until I had to explain why I have a different legal last name than my older two siblings, if we were all from the same marriage.

Also, all my siblings don't all consider themselves siblings with one another. Only us original three consider the whole group to be our siblings. As for me, all of my siblings are technically only half-siblings (or step). Go me.

Does that count as a blended family?

Read in the columns today about a lady whose ex husban starte dating her younger sister. That was pretty weird

My grandmother was married my late grandfather's younger brother for the last decade of her life.

Interesting! How did that go over, out of curiosity?

Very well, considering both were widowed and over 70 and he had no children. It's gotten a little odd now that Grandma is dead and those of us who got to thinking of my great uncle as a step-father or step-grandfather are not legally his next of kin (that was already established to be relatives of his first wife prior to him marrying my grandfather), but there's no conflicts or anything (nothing in the way of an estate and he's pretty clear about what he wants) just awkwardly explaining to people that even though we might visit/call/write all the time, we're not the ones who make decisions.

That's actually kind of awesome then, I'm glad they were able to find happiness with each other and it didn't cause drama. :)

The case I read about in the paper was really different - both young/middle aged, the guy and his ex were divorced and it was the ex's sister he was dating (not sure about her past marital status), there were (not adult, I don't think) kids involved, and it made not only the writer but at least one other family member extremely uncomfortable. :/

I can't really blame them either. I think in that case it's a fairly insensitive thing to do...not much the writer could do about it though.

Why do you feel weird? Did you seriously expect him to never get married and have kids after you?

I think one can expect this and still feel weird about it? OP didn't say they were going to try to stop him or anything or even that they were hurt. It just takes mental adjusting in a situation like that.

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[ SECRET POST #3386 ]

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