fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3398 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3398 ⌋

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I have depression. I've been "managing" it by myself for several years. I recently entered grad school and the stress is...a lot. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with this. My finals are coming up and I have been in a severe state of depression for several weeks. I don't remember it being this severe in years .

It's not even like I'm sad, but more like I can't physically make myself do things and I'm constantly suicidal.

I honestly am lost on what to do. I have been slacking on all of my work and that's making it worse too. I thought of visiting a psychiatrist but I don't think I have the time or mental energy, and it could cause problems in my future career. My grad school offers no mental health counseling. Advice?

Well if you killed yourself there would be no future career. Maybe mental health trumps everything else right now? Like in a whatever it takes to survive this, lower stress, and get past suicidal thoughts or urges. School stress and depression can be serious. Is there anyone IRL you can ask for help??

I can logically acknowledge that. But there's the feeling in my head that if I kill myself, it will be easy, and if I put effort into staying alive, it will be hard. It will be hard to overcome the setbacks to my career. So all I do is try to minimize my effort. I also feel very strongly like I will be dead in a couple months anyway, so there's no point in doing anything. I try to logically overcome it, but I can't.

I can't ask them for help. Every time I bring this up I sound silly and ridiculous, even to myself. I think if I actually tried to talk to someone about it I'd eventually stand up and yell "JUST KIDDING" and leave the room. I want to talk to them but I just can't.

I'm sorry to put this pile of neuroses on you, anon.

I've been in your position. It sounds like school is the root of your problem. Does the school allow you to leave this semester? If not, please try to get through this semester, there's websites online where you can talk to people who can help you when you're feeling suicidal. I can't remember the sites, but Google will provide a few links.

Try to slowly go through the work you're behind on. Start with the subject you like the most and work your way through it. Slowly pace yourself on bad days and on better days, work furiously. You can get through this and you will get through this. For me, having background noises of my favourite TV show also helps. That might help you too. Remember to pick episodes you've watched, so you can easily tune it out.

Also maybe email your professors on what you're dealing with right now, some of them might be sympathetic as they probably also have been in this position. It can be terrifying to face that you suffer depression, to admit it, but it's okay to seek support, don't try to take everything on alone. It's okay to ask for help.

If you still feel this way after this semester, take a break from school. During your break, take some time out and if you can, try to focus on yourself. All the best, Anon.

Why would visiting a psychiatrist cause problems in your future career?

Unless you talk about it constantly or end up working at the place the psychiatrist works, how would anyone even know about it?

Well if they plan to be a pilot then, under post Germanwings rules, even visiting a psychiatrist once will prohibit them for life from ever getting a pilots license.

Depends on the country.

Is it standard practice to dig into patient medical records while considering potential employees, though? Seriously asking. I've never had that happen to me, but then, I also don't plan to be a pilot.

OP

I might have misphrased it by saying "future career", but effects are possible. I'm in law school and part of becoming an attorney is the "character and fitness" section of the bar exam. They ask you if you have visited a psychiatrist. In my state, if you answer this yes, you will be subject to hearings and they will look at all of your medical records.

I am concerned that I am bipolar (due to several symptoms) and I'm afraid that if I go to a psychiatrist, I will be diagnosed with it and I will not be able to pass the C&F section of the bar.

Ah, I see. I didn't know that.

If it's true and you don't get treatment, though...??

[ SECRET POST #3398 ]

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