fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3402 ]

[ SECRET POST #3402 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3402 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 046 secrets from Secret Submission Post #486.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mental habits, thoughts, things you think, etc

Anytime someone talks (even hypothetically) about being attracted to people who look like me, I immediately (a) assume they're lying (b) get instinctively angry at them for lying.

It's very dumb (and I know it's irrational) but

I think of myself in the third person.

I have loads more, but that's the weirdest and most constant.

I used to do constantly and exclusively when I was a kid for a couple of years. I'd also go around narrating my own life lol.

I no longer do it often but occasionally if I'm really tired it'll kick back in.

I can't stop--my brain has to have a font (currently: Adobe Calson), and I need to know how people's names are spelled. I used to compulsively alphabetize, to the point that I'd get quite upset if things weren't. I still like to have things in alphabetical order but it's no longer lowkey panic inducing if they aren't.

I'm aware these are more or less ubiquitous, but I'll occasionally get a stray thought when I'm driving of "You know, if I just jerked the wheel right now to plow my car into that other car and I might die."

Or it'll especially happen if I'm driving right next to a lake and there's no divider.

It's very similar to the "I could jump." feelings people experience if they stand next to the edge of a cliff, only I don't get it with heights, just with driving for some reason.

I get those thoughts a lot when I'm driving because the path I take to get to work is up a mountain and has a bunch of sharp curves. I end up counting the roadside crosses to remind myself to be extra careful.

Weirdly, the only time I don't experience this is when I'm driving on mountains with sharp curves or next to steep drop offs haha.

Probably because I came super close to being driven off of one (like, one wheel hanging over the edge type of close) when I was a teenager. That was probably enough of an exciting experience for my brain to rule out that possibility for good.

I can always picture the place where I read a book for the first time, even if I was only in that place for a very short time and it was decades ago. I got dragged around on errands a lot as a kid and always took a book with me, so I have lots of random images of waiting rooms stuck in my head that I think of when I reread certain books. It goes for books I haven't read in years and don't particularly feel attached to, also. As long as I remember that I ever read it, I can remember where.

To spell Wednesday I actually have to think to myself "wed-nes-day."

(Although ironically, when typing that I didn't.)

I do that too! And with "business," I have to think "busy-ness." There's probably more.

I do that, too! Also, "feb-ru-ary." (Somehow, I didn't know that first "r" was there for the longest time and never pronounce it, so I gotta think about it when I write it.)

AYRT - Yeah, same.

This is such an adorable habit from childhood.

I remember learning to spell and telling myself that the best way to spell "beautiful" was Bee-ee-a-YOUtiful.

I have to hear Mr. Rogers singing F-R-I-E-N-D in my head to spell it right sometimes.

Sometimes when falling asleep, I plan the weddings of couples from various ships.

It always puts me to sleep!

Sometimes when I'm really tired and around people, I become self-aware about how tired and vulnerable I am. I'm so tired that if anyone around me decided to be a scary shitbag, they could totally rob me, maybe yell at me, or throw me into traffic or something. And there's nothing I could do about it because I'm too tired. I'm a prime crime target just waiting for crime to find out.

And for a while after that I try to give off the impression that I'm not that tired, until I remember I'm too tired to keep that up.

Shit like this really sucks.

I mean, you certainly aren't the only person to be hypervigilant about public interaction. I'd say it's not really a problem unless it's happening every single time you feel a little bit off or it interferes with your ability to socialize.

Every time I hear about things like this I just automatically hope it's not a reaction to trauma.

I'm better about managing anxiety than I was when I was a kid, but it's always going to be somewhat harder to tamp that down when I'm exhausted. I feel like that's kind of a given though, and that it's generally a bad idea in the first place to be active and about when you're body and brain need rest (sometimes can't be helped with work/travel/etc.).

Don't worry, internet doctor nurse guy.

Re: Weird Mental Habits

herpymcderp - 2016-04-28 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

Whenever I go some place new, I always look for the nearest escape route and the closest hiding spots. Then I spend half of my time there coming up with the worst possible scenerios.

From time to time, I have periods in my life where I feel like a ghost -- like I'm not actually real and people who interact with me are really just interacting with a vague outline of a person which they fill in with details themselves. I just sort of float through the world almost invisibly and make no impact on anyone or anything around me. I might even literally bump into someone and make them angry, but they're not really angry with *me*, they're angry with the person-like thing they think they see. Because I'm not really there; I'm somewhere else.

Even when I'm in a period of my life where I feel more substantial, I still have an odd sensation most of the time that people aren't really interacting with me, only now it's like they're interacting with my public face while I'm way in the back. Like, they're a customer interacting with the cashier at the front of the store who is trained to be unshakably polite, while I -- the real me -- am the manager in the office at the back of ths store. So I have a vague sense of what's going on at the front of the store, but if the customer gets angry with the cashier, it takes some time for the manager at the store to become aware of it and come out to intervene.

It's hard to explain. I only really ever feel like I'm fully myself when I'm alone.

This is called dissociation, and it can be somewhat serious if it's linked to an underlying psychological or medical disorders. It's common to people who experience generalized anxiety, and can also be the result of taking certain medications, street drug overdose, or cancer.

In and of itself it's not a terribly serious phenomenon, but if you aren't already seeing a psychiatrist, this is something you should talk to someone about in order to make sure there's nothing else going on.

NAYRT--huh, that's interesting? Why cancer? Any cancer? Or is it specifically cancers that affect the brain?

Re: Weird Mental Habits

herpymcderp - 2016-04-28 23:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weird Mental Habits

(Anonymous) - 2016-04-28 12:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weird Mental Habits

herpymcderp - 2016-04-28 23:07 (UTC) - Expand

the feeling of falling asleep will distress me sometimes so I will often jolt myself out of it when I feel it coming on. Falling asleep is super difficult as a result.

I do not like it. I'm very tired.

You're not alone.

However... you may want to see someone about getting a prescription for a mild benzodiazepine to make it easier and less anxiety-inducing to go to bed, since long term sleep deprivation can have very serious consequences on your physical and mental health.