fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3403 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3403 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Yu Yu Hakusho]

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[Silmarillion]

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[Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt]

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[Paul Giamatti]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 023 secrets from Secret Submission Post #486.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think he is going to leave me alone. Today I didn't let him get into a rant and he was gone after about 10 minutes (last time it was 45 minutes).

Later on he asked me to be a house reference and I declined, because Ive never lived with him and I'm not going to lie. Especially since he asked me in front of coworkers and we are government so high morality standards. Later on he sent me a message.

I feel pretty bad but I'm also relieved? And a little guilty but I think he's just asking all the time from me for things I cannot do.

Here is the message. Am I wrong? Did I misunderstand how rental reference? I couldn't in good mind give a good character reference either...and he's not wrong, we are coworkers not friends. I don't have intention to respond. I feel bad but as someone said last time, I'm not his counsellor or agony aunt :(

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I needed some advice today and have been extremely upset as I have not been paid and needed someone to help me find a home so i dont stay off the street. I understand you were busy but i thought you were my friend. I am sorry for asking you but I feel now that you said no to being being a reference so i can stay off teh street that i am not someone you really trust and would rather avoid helping me because you believe i am not someone reliable. I am not going to bother you anymore and will be professional from this point on. People avoiding helping me with advice or a favour so i can get my life together when they know it wont affect them is the reason jwhy i ended up where i am and i realised it means that we arent the friends i thought we were.

IDK, a rental application usually requires the applicant to state their present employer, their position and how long they've been there. So unless he actually asked you to pretend to be his former landlord or housemate and lie to his prospective landlord, he may just need a statement verifying that what he's claimed about his job on his application is true, that he's stably employed where he said he's employed--that kind of thing. But at the same time, you're his colleague--not really the person he should be asking.

But he is really doing his best to passive-aggressively guilt you with that whiny message, isn't he? Telling you that he's going to end up on the street and it'll be your fault because you weren't the friend he thought you were. Yeah, that just inspires so much trust right there.

He's spot on that I don't trust him, but it's cause I've seen him go nuts on everyone for such minor things.

Yeah I'm worried that perhaps I misunderstood his request as clarification to be a reference he's employed but I'm not a manager or anything. I generally prefer to avoid lying. Omit info maybe, but I'm not going to outright lie for him.

Um, first time I think I posted about him would have been October or November 2014 as that was the first time he went from casual acquaintance to "holy shit this guy is nuts abort abort". Then start of 2015, then he disappeared for last year and I honestly thought he'd been fired. He's come back this year and when he does show up it's stressful as all hell. I haven't kept any of the old threads. Mostly posting for venting reasons or reassurance I'm not 'wrong' to be stressed out or wanting to distance self. :/

Sorry about my morbid curiosity; it sounds like he has fixated on you as someone he has the right to harass. I hope everything works out all right.

Also, I'm trying to remember the original circumstances and coming up dry. Do you remember when you first posted about this?

Hopefully he means it and is going to stay away from you.

If he brings it up again, suggest you think it would be more appropriate that he ask a supervisor if the rental referree is only to verify his employment. If he brings up the message, say "I'm sorry you feel that way but I am unable to help you with your application."

Otherwise, limit your contact with him as much as possible but, like he says in his message, remain professional. Don't let him push you into anything.

That message is way too deliberately emotionally manipulative for my liking. People like that often look for someone they can 'push' into saying yes to them - your repeated statements that he's asked you to do many workplace inappropriate things for him backs that up. If you say no once and for all and stick to your guns he should lose interest. But if you react, he'll latch onto that like positive reinforcement.

Finally, I haven't read all your posts about this guy, but make sure you flag him to your supervisor/ HR as a nuisance to you specifically. It's good to have a record.

I hope so. I really don't want to get involved in...anything with him really. It's all drama. It could be a blank paper and there would be drama.

I have been thinking of having a meeting with my manager to specifically ask for help with this guy. We've both lightly mentioned it, but nothing concrete yet.

I have been keeping records! Someone suggested that back when he started going all weird and I needed FS's help with writing a record of what happened (I was witness to him yelling/blowing up at his manager) and I've kept with it. Mostly just saving emails and chat histories to a folder.

But the in person stuff is harder because it is in person, he's all polite about it, your team is around you so don't want to look uncaring but also, can't do anything!

Thanks for confirming, i was thinking it can't be right he'd get homeless for this. I gave many suggestions on alternatives too...

You should 100% let your boss know if he is making you scared/uncomfortable.

His message sounds super manipulative. Like he's trying to guilt you, and it sounds like he knows that works on you. You shouldn't feel bad for him.

Are you his supervisor or in HR, or did he just decide to make you the person he comes to with all his problems? Things like not getting paid or (theoretically) asking for verification of employment sound like things someone else should be dealing with and for job-related stuff you should either refer him to the proper person or suggest he talk to someone in HR/Payroll/his supervisor/whatever. For the attempts at manipulation, you should try to put it out of your mind. He shouldn't be taking up large chunks of your time (your employer's time, really, if you are at work!) complaining to you, he shouldn't be asking you for things that aren't your place to give, he shouldn't be asking you to lie, and he shouldn't be making demands based on a friendship that he didn't bother to establish in the first place. Definitely talk to your boss about this.

[ SECRET POST #3403 ]

Crazy coworker update

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