[ SECRET POST #3411 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3411 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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11. [SPOILERS for Homestuck]




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12. [WARNING for rape]




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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #487.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, so the giant panda can digest meat just like every other bear and occasionally does However there is a specific gene[1] in the panda genome that is faulty which means they cannot actually taste the meat or interpret it as food, and that gene is why they've defaulted to eating bamboo. It is because they instinctively think they are in a famine situation and are eating famine food. What we need to do is catch a grizzly, a bear species that has a functioning version of that gene. Cut the gene out and insert it into the panda germ line, and then breed from those pandas with function meat genes. Bingo, problem solved and pandas can eat meat like a grizzly only with stronger jaw muscles. I can see no way in which this could go wrong.

[1] http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/seriouslyscience/2015/01/29/pandas-ancestors-ditch-meat-bamboo/#.Vy0wtr66jNU

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Creating robot pandas would be easier and safer.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Robot, flesh-eating, pandas?

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Fuck pandas.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not one to kinkshame, but I don't think that will help the pandas any in the long run.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

If the panda fucker market is large enough then it might impact breeding rates. Hell, if there are a lot of secret wannabe panda fuckers there could be panda farms. Speaking of creating a real world demand for pandas, a McBlack-and-White burger, think about it.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Flaw in your plan. Panda are not bears even though they are sometimes called Panda-Bears. They are actually raccoons.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[diet_poison]

...lol, no, they are definitely not raccoons. what.

And they're ursids, so by a strictly zoological definition (which I think would be the definition that matters in this case?) they are in fact bears

I am going to be reading about bear evolution all night now.

[tasogare_n_hime]

I actually remember hearing about the arguments over whether giant pandas were bears or raccoons when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure genetic testing has put giant pandas with bears for a while now.
Maybe anon got it confused with red pandas which are more closely related to raccoons though.

Re: I am going to be reading about bear evolution all night now.

[diet_poison]

Yeah, did a little looking and I guess they used to be classified separately from ursids and close to, if not with, procyonids (which don't include the red panda either, but I had to double-check).

This is interesting and I'd look more into it if I didn't really need to go to bed...darn.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

raccoons are bears, no really. raccoons used to be 8 foot long pack hunting bears, than humans came to america.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[diet_poison]

Really? A Google search of "raccoon megafauna" got me nothing. Citation?

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[kamino_neko]

You have apparently confused Giant Pandas with Red Pandas (which aren't raccoons, either, but are more closely related - both Ailuridae and Procyonidae are Musteloids - related to weasels (Mustelidae) and skunks (Mephitidae)).

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

Nah, they are just old. Up until about twenty years ago giant pandas were considered related to raccoons. It took DNA analysis to mark them down as bears, technically they are closest related to Southern American Spectacled Bears than any Eurasian species. Work that one out science.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

O_O I'm almost 28 and we definitely learned in school that pandas were NOT bears and everyone calling them panda bears were WRONG because they are more closely related to raccoons and I'm pretty sure all the kiddie nature shows said this too. This newfangled DNA thing is breaking news to me.

Re: I have a plan to save the giant panda

[(Anonymous)]

I had just heard about it recently--since I turned 40. I know when I was a kid we were all told that they were probably closer to red panda & raccoons than to bears.