[ SECRET POST #3420 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3420 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Banana Fish]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #489.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: OP again

[(Anonymous)]

You know, that's treading pretty close to saying "if someone's really your friend, you should prioritize their well-being over your own". Cutting someone off because they had a bad day and wound up tanking an outing once is possibly overreacting, depending on their behavior. Cutting someone off - or just paring back on interaction with them - because spending time with them is consistently unpleasant is reasonable and can be necessary for one's own mental health, regardless of the other person's reasons for being unpleasant company.

Re: OP again

[kallanda_lee]

You know, that's treading pretty close to saying "if someone's really your friend, you should prioritize their well-being over your own.

No, it really isn't. Unless it was worded very badly (which I acknowledge is always a possibility in text), there is a world of difference between say "my friend's depression is impacting my mental health, too" and "I did not have fun at a party because my friend got weepy because of their mental health shit'. Thats not the same thing at all. Sure, you can go for a very no-strings definition of friendship, but most people would like them to have your back if you call themselves their friend for 10 years. Sooner or later bad things will happen in human lives. People lose their job. People lose their parents. People have miscarriages. People divorce. People have car accidents. And yes, people have mental health issues.

Generally, people sort of want their friends to be there at those moments, too. And no, those moments are not fun. But part of caring about someone is to also be there when its not sunshine and rainbows.

And no, you're not obligated to stick with people through that. But after 10 years? Yeah, I do think that's pretty shitty to do. I've known people exactly like that, and while I don't exactly hold a grudge...I do think less of them.

Cutting someone off because they had a bad day and wound up tanking an outing once is possibly overreacting, depending on their behavior. Cutting someone off - or just paring back on interaction with them - because spending time with them is consistently unpleasant is reasonable and can be necessary for one's own mental health, regardless of the other person's reasons for being unpleasant company.

It was specifically stated this was a recent development, after a friendship of 10 years. I find that context important. If it was a new friendship, and shit was troublesome from the beginning - I'd understand.

But if after 10 years you want to dump a person because it's not been fun for a few months - then hell yeah, I do think that says something about your personality, and the way you conduct your friendships.

You're absolutely free to do so - but I'm free to think you're a less-than-stellar friend.

Though I concede if you really do feel that way, its better to go your separate ways.

Re: OP again

[(Anonymous)]

No, it really isn't. Unless it was worded very badly (which I acknowledge is always a possibility in text), there is a world of difference between say "my friend's depression is impacting my mental health, too" and "I did not have fun at a party because my friend got weepy because of their mental health shit'. Thats not the same thing at all. Sure, you can go for a very no-strings definition of friendship, but most people would like them to have your back if you call themselves their friend for 10 years. Sooner or later bad things will happen in human lives. People lose their job. People lose their parents. People have miscarriages. People divorce. People have car accidents. And yes, people have mental health issues.

+1,000

Re: OP again

[(Anonymous)]

This x a million. Friendships have rough patches; it's part of life, and it isn't necessarily anyone's fault, nor does it mean that things will always be that way.

When I had a rough mental health patch a few months ago, I found out who my true friends were. They stuck with me and told me they loved me and tried to cheer me up and get my mind off of what I was going through. And, sure enough, things are fine now and our friendships are back to what they were. Now, one of them is going through a rough time, and I'm making sure to stick by her the same way she did for me... because she's my friend. Throwing away years of friendship just because things aren't smooth sailing right now would be stupid and thoughtless.