fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3431 ]

[ SECRET POST #3431 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3431 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion]

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[Wil Wheaton]

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[Mughal-E-Azam]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 07 secrets from Secret Submission Post #490.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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What genre would you hate to be a character in (bonus if you pick something you'd personally dislike, not something generically bad like dystopia or horror), and how would you react to suddenly finding yourself inside it?

Like say you hate musicals, how would you react to everybody breaking out in song all the time? Or you like being single, but you find yourself in a romantic comedy?

Family Comedy TV show. I don't think I'd be able to deal with all the bungling up of a normal situation every week. I got enough anxiety without trying to anticipate what zany scenario my family/friends are going to get me into this Tuesday.

Ooh I hadn't thought of that one. Yes, I pick that. I really don't want kids.

A supposedly introspective literary novel written by a 60 year old white male English professor.

I would die of horror.

I honestly have no idea who I would play in that story. Like, why am I even there. I've aged out of being his undergraduate fling but I'm not old enough to be his shrewish wife, I have a threatening masculine occupation but a non-threatening appearance that conforms to conventional beauty standards (i.e. I'm fit and thin).

...I think I wandered in lost from a different novel. There's nothing for his boner here.

*scream*

I think a murder mystery would be the worst. :( I'd never know who at the garden party was going to die next! Oh, Midsomer, why did I move to your sweet British hamlet??

Does harem anime count as generically bad?

I'm female, shy, clumsy, and young looking, so I'd be an innocent fanservice moeblob. I'd also be required to have a crush on the main character, and I loathe having crushes because of my anxiety (also part of why I'm shy and clumsy). It'd be horrible.

I'm assuming you don't actually have eyeballs the size of watermelons though.

Being in an action film would be terrifying. Being disrupted by shootouts happening outside my home, or having to hide somewhere the moment everyone started shooting each other in a public place...yeah, no thank you.

And god help me if I were driving somewhere and had to work around the ridiculous car chases.

(Course, a lot of that is stuff that happens in the real world already, so... But still, that'd be my answer.)

A conventional heteronormative romance novel.

I'd show up in my token exotic (or European?) location in cargo shorts and a video game t-shirt with running shoes (or sandals with socks ahahahah) and there'd be some broad-chested billionaire silver fox and I'd be like "damn son that's a nice car... oh sorry I don't like older guys," and he'd ~pursue~ me and I'd call the cops.

Or I mean let's face it I wouldn't be the protagonist because I'm a) out of my 20s and b) have had sex before, so instead I'd be the unmarried spinster friend of the protagonist and I'd keep getting dragged away from my amazing Euro-trip to help her and her True Love Forever that she just met get back together. It'd suck.

Oh, God yes. The worst thing is that I could be one type of female protagonist (in my twenties, very shy, most people think I'm innocent and naive). Only problem is I don't like older guys OR any type of "alpha male." Of course that wouldn't matter because telling him I'm not interested would probably just make him even more determined.

And then the nice, not so masculine, non-alpha guy I probably would have a crush on would turn out to be the villain, because of course.

Telenovela. Oh god, I have no patience for drama. I would die ~~I mean, kill myself, which would generate more drama...~~

I'd be in a NYT-reviewed literary fiction novel. I'd be the guy who repeatedly assaults the main character for being a self-absorbed hipster piece of shit. Though maybe I'd be able to afford the rent because the author didn't focus on that detail so it could be anything.

Probably a romantic comedy, especially if it's one where I have two guys fighting over me because I would just want to be left the fuck alone and I hate grand romantic gestures, or even medium romantic gestures(I just don't do romance tbh).

Plus I think the male leads in those films are mostly assholes so I'd just want to punch them rather than kiss one.

Porn?

What kind? How about this one?:

http://67.media.tumblr.com/c4f612d00592197db226aae42f0efd19/tumblr_n0rffeM8lB1r9y691o1_1280.png

Any kind! I can't imagine a scenario that porn would make better.

Edit: and I can imagine scenarios that porn would make a whole lot worse.

Childrens TV show... porn.
Disney happy talking animal land... porn.

I'll take straight up war and stuff over war torture porn.

Edited 2016-05-27 01:28 (UTC)

I would literally be trying to find a way to end my fictional existence if I ended up in one of those "lol so random" cartoons like Teen Titans Go, Uncle Grandpa, Almost Naked Animals, or shit like that.

If it were gory horror with lots of jump scares I would spend all my time puking until I had a heart attack.

As much as I love historical fiction, the past probably smelled really bad and there was no air conditioning or television. NO THANK YOU.

Real Housewives of What-the-hell-ever - I'd just be thinking, 'Get me away from these people.'
Any Terrence Malick movie - when will it end and what the hell does it mean
Any reality survival series - "Here, you can eat this insect," says survival dude. I say, with an eyebrow raised skeptically, "Can't I just go eat the complimentary breakfast from whatever hotel this film crew is staying in?"

Anything where other people would give me a "makeover" to make me fit into their idea of what, and who, I should be. (Because most people turn out to be wrong. See: everyone ever who's said the words "but you look nice in a skirt".)

Well, almost anything. Ouran would be tolerable :P

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[ SECRET POST #3431 ]

Trapped in a Story

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I can think of a few.

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