case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2016-08-01 06:37 pm

[ SECRET POST #3498 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3498 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 32 secrets from Secret Submission Post #500.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: What is the most hurtful thing ever said to you?

(Anonymous) 2016-08-02 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some back story:


My father literally never spoke to me as a child unless it was to tell me what to do or tell me what I had done wrong (everything, and I had already fucked up if he had to tell me what to do, because he thought I should do everything without needing to be told). I didn't get any physical or emotional or verbal affection from him until I was a grown adult, and before that he never paid attention to me at all except to command or punish me (hitting or yelling at me). I have had chronic depression since I was a teen, I've self-injured almost all my life, absolutely terrible record of relationships, the list of ways his lack of love and affection toward me has hurt me goes on and on.

But since I've been an adult, he's changed a lot and is now a much warmer person. That said, we recently had this conversation:

Him, talking about his two new cats: ...They've learned so much already, I'm really proud of them.
Me, slightly teasing: Wow, that's something I've never heard you say before.
Him: *spluttering* I've always been proud of you!
Me: What?! Since when??
Him: Since the beginning. I was always telling people how proud of you I was.
Me: Well, you never said that to me.

And he said: Well, I didn't want you to get a big head.


I'm sitting there, my arms and legs covered in scars that I inflicted on myself, one suicide attempt under my belt, two horribly abusive relationships, my shame and self-hatred threaten to choke me to death some nights, I'm in my 40s and will never marry or have a family of my own...but, hey, at least he saved me from having a big head.

Re: What is the most hurtful thing ever said to you?

(Anonymous) 2016-08-02 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Some people just don't know how to be with kids. I'm sorry that happened to you, but glad that he seems to be trying to make amends a little now.

Re: What is the most hurtful thing ever said to you?

(Anonymous) 2016-08-02 02:22 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry, anon.

Re: What is the most hurtful thing ever said to you?

(Anonymous) 2016-08-02 12:56 pm (UTC)(link)
what a fucking asshole, even if he changed. I think he's in denial over how much he fucked up. it must really hurt to see what could have been. you definitely deserved better.