fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3507 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3507 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]

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[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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[Shameless (US Version)]

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[Breaking Bad]

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[Movie: Mr. Right]

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[Sherlock Holmes]

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[Jacob Frye/Maxwell Roth, Assassin's Creed Syndicate]

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[Gravity Rush]

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Long story short, I've lost a lot of weight in few years - from morbid obesity to normal weight - and I've found it difficult to deal with people's changed behavior towards me.

The most common narrative seems to be that when somebody loses weight, everything in their lives is magically resolved and everything falls into place. Except no, that's not how this goes. The biggest change for me seems to be how other people feel about me, not how I feel about myself (or them). That's something I struggle with every day.

Of course, I know how people tell about their experiences and how they actually experience those things are two completely different things, and often quite the opposite from each other. While I don't expect life to be puppies and rainbows from now on, I'd like at least to be able to let go of this anger I feel all the time. It has been really hard for me to move on mentally from my past and how I used to be. I can't get over the rage, and I'm sceptical as hell about people now. People who used to treat me like absolute shit, are suddenly being really nice to me and showering me with attention. Treating me like I'm somehow better because I weigh less now. I mean, come the fuck on. Do people realize how insane that is?

Has anyone been in similar situation? How did you deal with it? How do you react when somebody treats you differently all of a sudden?

I can't say I've ever been in a similar situation, but I'm sorry this is happening to you. I don't know how to let go of the anger you (rightfully!) feel about it, either. Maybe in focusing on the relationships where people didn't change their attitudes toward you after the weight loss and doing a slow fade on people whose attitudes did?

I also think if your anger would allow it without a blow-up, gently confronting the people you can't slow fade on about their change might be therapeutic for you. It's likely they're not behaving consciously, not that it makes their behavior any less crappy. It won't be comfortable, pointing out their unconscious prejudices against the obese, but at least you'd feel like you did something.

Yep, I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and I was angry all the time.

Gained it all back plus some. Much happier now, and I know who my real friends are again.

Is dropping them and making new friends an option? I'm not trying to be sarcastic here but maybe you can move somewhere new where nobody knew you before. That's what I would do, I mean, if money weren't an issue.

Don't trust anyone.

Oooh, I feel this one OP.

A number of years ago, I lost a ton of weight and noticed how suddenly I stopped being invisible and started being taken more seriously. By everyone. I'm talking not just at work, but also medical professionals, sales people in stores, acquaintances, random guys. It drove me nuts. And pissed me off to no end. Especially the medical professionals who suddenly stopped blaming my weight for everything that was wrong and actually started looking for actual causes.

My attitude toward people in general? Cynicism doesn't even BEGIN to cover it.

Then I injured myself and wasn't able to exercise, and I gained all the weight back plus some.

Recently I had to begin losing weight again due to health reasons (my numbers were inching up with blood pressure, lipids, and diabetes) and I went, "Fuck it. I'm 100% done. I'm losing weight."

(40 pounds so far! And my numbers are firmly in the normal range! YAY!)

But this time I knew what to expect. That people's attitudes towards me was going to change. And in my mind, I guess I decided to stop making it MY problem. Fine. People are going to treat me nicer? I'm going to start being visible in a positive way? I'm going to accept it and not get mad about it.

Because I'm not losing weight for THEM. I'm losing weight for ME. I don't need their approval, y'know?

I've found that this time around that, aside from the occasional feeling of annoyance, I'm mostly pretty okay with everything.

I honestly think the difference this time around is that my mindset is different and my reasons for losing weight are different. It helps that, in general, I just feel better and have more energy. And I'm focusing on doing things I like and I want to do, and I'm hanging around people who liked me when I was obese and are happy for me that I'm losing weight.

So I do feel you. But my advice is to focus on how YOU feel, health-wise, energy-wise, and mood-wise. Stop worrying about everyone else. They're gonna do what they're gonna do, and there's not much you can do about it.

But this time I knew what to expect. That people's attitudes towards me was going to change. And in my mind, I guess I decided to stop making it MY problem. Fine. People are going to treat me nicer? I'm going to start being visible in a positive way? I'm going to accept it and not get mad about it.

Because I'm not losing weight for THEM. I'm losing weight for ME. I don't need their approval, y'know?

Not OP, but this is a fabulous comment!

I can sympathize, though my experience hasn't felt quite so severe.

I will say that now that I'm thinner, people do seem friendlier and more helpful. I certainly get more looks, and I feel like people like me more. I've also got a lot of, “Wow, you look great! Like an entirely different person!” comments, and those backhanded comments always make me a bit angry, because it does feel like I'm being told I was hideous before, and even if I wasn't happy with the way I looked, it hurts to hear it.

Not everyone treats me vastly different, but I've definitely noticed that people seem to perceive me more positively, which is odd.

In their minds, you are a better person because you're thinner. Especially if you're female, people, especially men, will value you at least in part on how attractive you are. It's a fact. What you choose to do with said fact is up to you.

I was kinda in the reverse position--while in recovery for my eating disorder, (and because I went on T) I gained weight.

I had a few family members express concern about this, telling me to be careful what I ate and not to get too fat. They seemed more concerned about that than my health (which, to be fair, was part of why I took up starving in the first place--I knew nobody would notice). I didn't notice people treating me actively worse, but honestly, was so much stuff was going on in my life at the time that I'm not sure I had it in me to NOTICE if it wasn't gorilla-on-fire levels.

[ SECRET POST #3507 ]

How to deal with people's changed attitude towards you?

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Re: How to deal with people's changed attitude towards you?

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