[ SECRET POST #3514 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3514 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Love it or List it]


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[ALF]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 18 secrets from Secret Submission Post #502.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

When to say something or not?

[(Anonymous)]

So, at the non-profit where I work, we have several volunteers. One is a man who is slightly mentally handicapped in some way. I'm not sure what way, as obviously it's rude to ask, but he obviously has some developmental problems. He's really nice and caring and is always concerned for people, and he always has corny jokes to tell. The thing is, several of them are racist. Not 'obviously' racist, where the N-word is the punchline or anything, but casually racist, in the way a lot of while people (and I'm white, fyi) just think something is funny and 'just a joke,' etc. For example, he told a joke about Native Americans where the punchline was delivered in 'Indian tones' that mock the way Native American tribal songs sound. ANYWAY. If this were just some dude, I totally wouldn't laugh when he tells his racist jokes, I'd just stare at him with a face that made it clear I didn't find it funny. But I honestly feel stuck because of whatever his deal is. Even if I explained why I don't like the joke and don't think it's funny, I'm not sure he would understand? He might, I don't know. But I'm afraid that all he would really understand is that I'm upset with him without understanding why I don't like it. I've kind of already decided not to say something, I guess, but I'm just frustrated. I don't like having to pretend I think it's funny when I really don't. And I wouldn't care about hurting the feelings of an asshole, or having an asshole think I'm a bitch without a sense of humor who needs to lighten up, etc, but he's not an asshole, or even a guy who would really get a 'dude, not cool.' I don't know, would YOU say something?

Re: When to say something or not?

[(Anonymous)]

That's hard. I would probably say, rather than "punish", just "redirect". I did a lot of work with developmentally disabled people, and that was basically what we'd do. You can try to put in a gentle reprimand and then redirect, but it's best to make it as natural as possible. Lead it into a better, more appropriate topic. I wouldn't laugh at a racist joke, but I also wouldn't glare or get on his case about it.

Re: When to say something or not?

[sarillia]

I never pretend to think things are funny if I don't. That doesn't necessarily mean I explain why I don't think it's funny if I don't feel like it and no one questions me.

Re: When to say something or not?

[(Anonymous)]

OP
That's the thing--I always end up pretending I think this guy's jokes are funny. Because all of them are corny, and none I really find amusing. But he's totally the 'endless questions' type.

Re: When to say something or not?

[sarillia]

Ah that's tricky. Maybe you could try to encourage the non-offensive ones by reacting more to those?

Re: When to say something or not?

[mrs_don_draper]

You don't have to laugh if something isn't funny, regardless of who's telling the "joke." You don't have to say anything. Just ignore it.

Re: When to say something or not?

[(Anonymous)]

First, this is just my opinion - I am not an expert.

Maybe you can talk to whoever heads the program, and they can take care of it? Or is that person you, or is there not really any head? I do think someone should still talk to him - it just may take explaining why that's not funny. I have a friend with a disability who has never made offensive jokes, but she's laughed at them without understanding that they're offensive. So it's possible he heard someone else make the joke and doesn't realize that it can be hurtful.

However, not to be blunt, but people with disabilities can have prejudices. And if you think it's only a minor disability, it's possible he knows that behavior is wrong, but just lacks the tact to choose when to show it. So that makes it tough.

Re: When to say something or not?

[(Anonymous)]

My brother is mentally handicapped and when he does or says something inappropriate and it's too difficult to deal with, I try to change the subject or act like I don't get it.

Or just be honest. "You can't say that anymore." And if he asks questions, explain things in the easiest terms you can. Don't be too serious, just kinda nonchalant? "Oh, you know, it's because we have more X people and they might feel sad if they're made fun of. It's 2016 and everyone is trying to be nicer because bad things keep happening. When bad things happen, you don't want to make people sad."