fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3522 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3522 ⌋

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[Supernatural]

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[Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries]

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[Star Wars]

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[Great British Bake Off, series 5]

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It literally just happened.

Trigger Warnings for Rape/Molestation!

My sister was taking her kids to go see my brother for his birthday. My 15 year old niece was being cagey about it and finally told my sister that my brother molested her from the ages of 6-10 (so my brother would have been around 10-14). Right now, the only people who know are myself, my sister, and another sister. We have no idea what to do.

We can't just ignore this but how do we address this? Who do we talk to? We have no idea what to do. I don't want to tell my father, this would kill him. It is all fucked up.

First of all, that's awful.

Second off, fuck his ass all up. Fricassee his ass.

It isn't that easy. Like...we have no idea what to do.

na

that's not really how this kind of thing works...it's easy to say things like "kick his ass" but these types of situations are pretty complicated and difficult to deal with. and even if they did just beat the crap out of him...where do they go from there? you can't just do that and call it a day

If he presents a risk to any other children, that needs to be dealt with in some fashion, and most reasonable (and legal) solutions involve the truth coming out. Silence enables him and will bring harm to any future victims.

Edited 2016-08-26 01:42 (UTC)

yup

Jesus, anon. I'm sorry. That's really, really terrible. I don't know that there's one answer to "what to do"--every family and situation is different, and that's just out of left field. But some things you might think about:

- Talk to your brother about it? If he was underage at the time, that could be a sign that other things were going on with him, and maybe there's more to this story. Depending on his general temperament, your relationship with him, etc., maybe he's a fair person to go to--if you think that you'd be comfortable with that.

- Maybe reach out to a counselor? Family therapy is a thing, and since this is something nobody is prepared to handle, having a professional on board to smooth things over would help. (Plus, your niece should probably see a therapist.)

- Try not to panic/jump to conclusions/assume that this is going to ruin the family. When huge things like this come out, it's scary, and relationships change, and it's unpleasant, but take it slow. This has just come out; you don't have to fix it right away. Focus on the positives, keep good communication between everyone, and try to just take things as they come.

Thanks for the advice. My sis and niece are both in therapy (from other things) so I think I will suggest they talk to a therapist together.

Therapy for your niece, for starters. Make sure she never has to see him again, make sure she knows you believe her and will support her in whatever happens. Her well being comes first, before your father OR your brother's feelings.

https://www.rainn.org/

Therapy for your niece. Counselling behaviour modification for your brother - there might be some kind of resource that can give guidance on what to do with underage (although now an adult?) abusers.

Don't force her to be around him.

Unless your dad is literally on his deathbed, I would definitely not keep this a secret. Do NOT keep this a secret. If your brother has molested one person in your family, there's a chance he has, or is, or will do it to someone else.

You don't have to make his life a living hell, but for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT KEEP THIS A SECRET.

And if you don't know where to start, you can start by not subjecting the 15-year-old to the presence of someone who molested her.

Judging by the age of your brother, it's entirely possible your brother was victimized by someone else, and passed along the awful behavior. Not saying this is the case, but if it is, you guys might have to brace yourselves for more skeletons in the family closet.

I'm going to join the voices saying that this needs to come out. My Husband has a cousin on his Dad's side who molested his niece & nephew. For a very long time the only people that knew anything about it were the Cousin, his Sister & Brother (parents of the kids) and their Parents.

We, as 'outside' family, knew there was some kind of family rift... but because we weren't given any warning whatsoever, none of my Husband's siblings restricted the contact of this creepy Cousin with their own kids. And unfortunately, that was a very bad thing.

At this point, the affected Cousins & their kids have absolutely nothing to do with their creepy Brother or their own Parents (who sided with their 'baby' and have effectively dismissed themselves from the lives of their 3 other children and all their grandchildren).

It's almost guaranteed that it's going to cause heartbreak and could result in divisiveness in the family, but you have to think about other children who could be at risk.

You don't need to be specific about who was hurt or what happened, but people definitely need to be warned to keep their kids away from this guy. Not saying he can't get help - but no one else should be put at risk.

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