[ SECRET POST #3531 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3531 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #505.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: You don't know weird until you've worked in customer service

[(Anonymous)]

That story is hilarious. And slightly disturbing.

There was a customer I once dealt with, back when I worked at our local bookstore, that went well past "weird" into, "Ooooookay, you are seriously creeping me the hell out now" territory. Strap in, this'll be a bit of a long story. *Cracks knuckles*

So one Saturday morning, a customer came into the store about an hour or so after we opened up for the day, and he went over to look at a copy of a Satanic bible that we kept in a locked cabinet alongside various trading cards and other random stuff. He asked how much it was, and I opened the cabinet and looked at the price, and told him how much it cost (it wasn't that much, if I recall rightly).

He proceeded to make a comment about how weird it was that we'd have something like that next to a whole bunch of stuff for kids (while many kids did buy the trading cards stacked in that cabinet, so did plenty of adults, so it wasn't exactly a "kids only" cabinet full of items. But whatever). Then he asked what our Holy Bibles' prices were. I told him it varied, depending on the size and type and whatnot, and then he started talking about how weird it was that the Satanic Bible wasn't next to the other Bibles.

So that was a bit of a strange exchange, but okay, whatever, he then he moved on and wandered around the store and I went about my business elsewhere in the store.

A little while later, he came to the checkout with a DVD, and while there, he asked if we had any books on eggplant parmesan dishes. We didn't, but I went on Amazon to see if there were any on that topic that maybe we could order through our own system. He kept repeating over and over if he could look at the books I'd found online, so I invited him over to the computer I was standing at.

He saw one that said "Eggplant Parmesan Recipe Report", and wanted to know why it had the word "report" in it. "What are they reporting on?" he asked, and he was acting all suspicious over the use of the word "report", as if these books were filled with secret information or something. At this point he's starting to freak me out a little with these weird, random asides, but I just told him they're being silly with the title to try and placate him for the moment...

...but then he started going on about how he once sent poems about eggplant parmesan to the CIA, and how he worked in some civil aspect of government and was in the Coast Guard. He then started ranting about disabled veterans not having constitutional rights, going on and on about how he doesn't think the Constitution exists in this country anymore. He asked me a few questions regarding if I think disabled veterans deserve constitutional rights and kept going on about all the things he felt he was apparently being screwed out of because of the veterans' issue.

I'm not really allowed to discuss politics with customers, but he keeps looking at me like he wants me to respond, so I just kinda nod my head and "Mmhm" along as a result. And while I was ringing up his DVD, he just stood there for a few minutes with this sort of spaced out look on his face before giving me his cash.

After that, he looked at the issue of People which had Robin Williams on the cover, since this was shortly after Williams' death, and asked me, "So he really died? This isn't a media trick?" (I don't even know at this point, I swear...). I just simply said "Yes, he died" and tried to move on.

Next, he asked if we had any copies of the Constitution in the store. We did, and I showed him where they were. Like with the Satanic Bible earlier, he started going on about the absurdity of pricing the Constitution or something to that effect, but he brought a copy and told me he was going to read it to see what rights he deserves.

After that, he told me that if I ever become a poet, to never send poems about eggplant parmesan to the CIA. FINALLY, after that, he left. And my co-worker and I gave each other one of those wide-eyed, "What the FUCK was that all about?" looks (she'd been on the phone with another customer during much of this exchange I had with the guy, but she still heard the conversation pretty well), and I was actually shaking a little, because of how utterly bizarre the entire thing was.

And he was the first customer I'd dealt with that day, and he totally threw off my concentration for much of my shift after that to boot. So yeah. That was fun :/.

Re: You don't know weird until you've worked in customer service

[(Anonymous)]

I kind of want to read his eggplant parmesan poetry.

Re: You don't know weird until you've worked in customer service

[(Anonymous)]

LOL, I was strangely curious about that, too :p.

But yeah, for as long as I live, I will never, ever understand what the hell his thing with eggplant parmesan had to do with anything else he was babbling on about. It was a very...surreal experience, for sure.