[ SECRET POST #3539 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3539 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #506.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[thelesbianfuturist]

Yes, but his personal autonomy can't overrule hers. So if she is worried about hurting him, or him being hurt she doesn't have to keep going just because he wants her to. She has the personal autonomy to nope herself out of the situation for any reason. the reason in this case was because she wasn't comfortable with the way he expressed his personal autonomy as a willingness to be hurt.

Just because you're in a D/s relationship as the D, doesn't mean you have to hurt the s even if that is their choice. the D isn't forced to do anything to the s, and the s can't force them by saying "It's not you that's being hurt so you can't say no for me"

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Hm, I'd say people are arguing two different things here.

A) Was it her right to terminate the action at any point? Yes 1000000%

B) Was it kind of a dick move to assume the boyfriend couldn't know his own mind and terminate it for himself if he wanted to? Yes to that too. To use your example of a D and an s, the D doesn't get to decide their s can't handle something unless the s has given explicit permission for the D to decide that for them. The D can say "I don't want to do that" and that is 100% in their right to say that. If a D went, "I know you can't handle it and I know your mind better than you do" I'd hope the s nopes the fuck out of there, quick

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, if she was like "this made me uncomfortable, so I stopped it" that'd be one thing, but from the post + comments, it definitely comes off more like it was more along the lines of "you made a noise, I decided you were uncomfortable, I know more about your feelings then you do, so I stopped it".

She can stop at any time, but her claim that she knows what her husband's feelings were... Yikes.

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[thelesbianfuturist]

How it reads to me is "you made a noise, I decided you were uncomfortable, I didn't know how hurt you were and even if you were going to be ok, I wasn't comfortable taking the risk, so I stopped it".

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[(Anonymous)]

Fine. But if he insists that she is wrong, SHE needs to admit she was wrong.

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[thelesbianfuturist]

No, she doesn't because even if he could have handled it, she was in no-way wrong to want to get out.

These situations require trust, and if she couldn't trust that he could take it, she was absolutely right to not force herself to take that risk just because of what her partner said.

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[(Anonymous)]

What???? No. Do you not understand how demeaning that is towards another person who should be your equal? Do you treat your SOs like children?

Re: How well do you "read" your SO?

[(Anonymous)]

NA

She is not wrong to want to get out. She is wrong to insist that she absolutely knows his mind better than he does.

Fine: Stopping it because she was uncomfortable.
Fine: Stopping it because she was uncomfortable because she thought he was in pain.
Not Fine: Insisting that she knows his level of comfort better than he does, especially after he says what his level comfort is.

In other words, it's not about the threesome or her stopping it, it's about how she cannot get over herself enough to admit that she does not get decide how he feels. People can and do make decisions based on assumptions about how another person is feeling, but they don't get to say they know how that person feels better than that person.