[ SECRET POST #3540 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3540 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[Tom Hanks & Aaron Eckhart in Sully]


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03.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation]


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04.
[The Hobbit (film)]


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05.
[Keeping Up Appearances]


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06.
[Endeavour]


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07.
[Legend, Lily/Darkness]


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08.
[Anne of Green Gables remake]


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09.
[Macross Delta]













Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #506.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Do I have another personality?

[(Anonymous)]

Not explicitly, but the criteria for BPD as listed in the DSM-V do predispose people who exhibit them to being abusive. So I can understand why people are quick to call it "abuser's disorder" because people who have untreated BPD frequently are abusive toward others in an effort to deflect rejection or abandonment. It's like locking their cat in the basement because they're paranoid that it's going to run away.

Being abused by a person with BPD (or any Cluster B disorder) is unlike anything else. There is a constant walking-on-eggshells practice around the person to avoid setting them off, and you feel like everything you do and say is being evaluated as a reason to hurt you. You start becoming equally paranoid about being perfect in this person's eyes just to keep the peace and avoid their explosive rages.

The victim is often left with a sense that they did something wrong by getting away from the person, or that because the person has this disorder, their abusive behavior wasn't really their fault. And if they had just been more accommodating and understanding they could've made it work. So I can also see how somebody who is out of a relationship with one and still coming to grips with what was done with them can get extremely defensive when hearing that people with BPD need compassion and understanding, because that isn't what the victim hears; the victim hears "I have to be nice to the person who made my life hell, and I deserved what they did to me for not being perfect."

Re: Do I have another personality?

[(Anonymous)]

Okay but saying "not everyone with bpd is abusive and those who aren't need sympathy" is not saying the abuse wasn't real or it was your fault - and having been abused does not give you the right to take it out on other people who haven't wronged you. .

I was abused in the exact way you're talking about, and I would still never say something like "people with bpd should all be locked away" - but that doesn't mean I have to sympathize with my abuser either.

Re: Do I have another personality?

[(Anonymous)]

I know that, and I definitely think that anon crossed a line. But having also been abused by someone with BPD (someone who knew they had BPD and also insisted that people needed to have sympathy for them no matter how they treated them), I can still understand why they might lash out like that. Particularly if they've just begun to process the abuse and are still in a not-so-great and not-rational mental place themselves (as victims often are).

People with BPD do need sympathy and compassion, but it's also dangerous to excuse the kind of damage they're capable of inflicting on others through their behavior, or pretend that people with BPD who are also abusive are some kind of rare anomaly, because they aren't; frequently, people with BPD get diagnosed because they're forced into counseling by a loved one they've been abusing.

Re: Do I have another personality?

[(Anonymous)]

DA -- also, depending on when they were diagnosed, a lot of women with "BPD" actually have ASPD. Until fairly recently, there was a school of thought in psychiatric circles that women couldn't have ASPD, so women who fit those criteria were labeled with BPD (there is some overlap, but also some important differences). If your experience with BPD comes from living with someone who actually had ASPD, it's going to color your viewpoint a bit.