fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3541 ]

[ SECRET POST #3541 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3541 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #506.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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How's everybody doing?

I think I might be dangerously dependent on my SO. When I stay at his, I feel fine. When I stay at mine I end up staying up crying most of the night.

Eh, maybe it's not him so much as he provides a distraction. I don't have any time to dwell on all the traumatic shit that's happened in my life when he's around.

As someone who's been dependent on loved ones for a LOT of my life, please talk to someone about this. Dependency is so all-enveloping and toxic you don't even realize how much happier and freer you can be without it. And don't think that dealing with this necessarily = breaking up with him. It's just a matter of making that connection more healthy and happy for both of you.

Tired and stressed. Still anxious about what to do in my life but I think that is normal for most people.

Compared to recently, better. Which till isn't great, but there hasn't been random crying or "what if I let go of the wheel now"

<3<3<3

Re: Mental health check in thread

kallanda_lee - 2016-09-14 00:40 (UTC) - Expand

oh lordy

Is that good or bad?

Re: Mental health check in thread

sparrow_lately - 2016-09-14 00:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Mental health check in thread

kallanda_lee - 2016-09-14 00:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Mental health check in thread

sparrow_lately - 2016-09-14 00:59 (UTC) - Expand

I'm incredibly anxious about my brother's attempt to reconnect with me. I let our relationship fizzle because his girlfriend and I don't get along (she's pretty much the only person I don't get along with) and she always made it impossible for me to talk to my brother without her and I feel awful about it but when it came down to either talking to both of them or talking to neither of them, I ended up going with neither. Now my brother is trying to get in touch with me again and I really want to but the thought of having to deal with her again is more daunting than ever.

There's an email from him sitting in my inbox that I'm afraid to look at because it's going to make me feel guilty about how long it's been since we talked. Just thinking about it makes my chest feel tight and gives me that twitchy, restless feeling that my anxiety always leaves me with.

Have ou ever mentioned the girlfriend issue to your brother?

Re: Mental health check in thread

sarillia - 2016-09-14 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Mental health check in thread

kallanda_lee - 2016-09-14 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

Meg. I didn't do shit all day but in making good homemade spaghetti for dinner and I haven't done that in years so plus one, minus one, I guess.

I only come around fs when life goes to shit. There's always a distraction and people I can talk to if I want, and I don't have to engage if I'm not up to it. There's nothing in my tone or expression that will have someone ignore what I've just said and respond with, "how are you holding up?" That happens a lot this time of year because it's the anniversary of losing someone in my family and I know people mean well but I'm thinking about it all the time already and I'm alone so much that when I'm not, or if I'm on Facebook, and if I say or post something, that's me trying to cope, to forget for even a split second and please don't take that away from me. I've been living this life for five years and it's every damn day not just the days around the date on the calendar. But the extra attention and realising that for a lot of people they don't think it about much if ever except around that date and then it seems like they must never have cared (they did) or they're asking after me because they want to be asked after. And I get that, I really do. But I'm not the one to do it. I can't. And people really should stop for a second and think and they'd realise that. And it wears me down even more and I'm tired and sad and I want to go on living but I also don't think I am, I think I'm just surviving and I miss life. And I hate myself when I can smile and when I laugh. I feel guilty. And countless people go through this everyday so why am I so weak that it feels like it's snuffing the light out of my soul?

I don't feel like bad in general, but I kind of feel bad about myself? If that makes any sense? I'm not super despairing or anxious or anything, but I'm in an extremely low self esteem place where I feel like i have no positive qualities whatsoever. Can't even talk good right now. It's weird.

Don't know if sad or PMS today. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My disability case worker thinks she found a psych who is open to doing home visits. Need to go back to GP and sort out a mental health care plan to get my free sessions and call this person to work out if this is an option.

Would be nice as it gives me some privacy. I don't need someone to take me to appointments and I don't have to cancel if I'm not up for leaving the house. Plus I have my dog here with me. Dog makes everything better.

Doing a little better about Miki. We talked and we're planning on getting a new dog in a couple months; having a timetable makes me feel a lot better. I've never not had a dog since I was 5 and I don't like it.

*hugs*

Ngh. Ugh. Blargh. *thumps head gently against nearest wall and makes high thin wailing noises*

Why is arranging counseling appointments and going to them so much work? I need to go, but I feel like I do about going to the dentist or the tax prep people. I try and tell myself that with my health insurance at least it's cheaper than the dentist, but I have so much other shit to do and it'll leave me emotionally exhausted when I'm already physically and mentally exhausted. I wish they had an incentive program where for every counseling session I did I'd get a prize. (Like a day of respite care for my mom who's half the reason I need counselling in the first place.)

Re: Mental health check in thread

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-14 06:59 (UTC) - Expand

I'm back at school now and that's a good distraction, but I still wind up crying at some point every day.

Half the time, I'm drowning in anxiety and can't breathe. I have to call my parents to talk me down (buuut i get to call my parents to talk me down, which is still working) because all my friends seem to be too busy for me. I give them everything i can, why isn't anyone there for me when i need them?

Then, on the other days, i am so happy to be here, working toward my goals. (This is not one of those weeks.)

A little stressed but nothing unusual. Work was annoying, having to deal with upset people is frustrating (even if they're not specifically upset AT me.)

Cat-sitting at my cousin's means at least I've got a place to myself for a couple of weeks.

I've just turned into the kind of person I hate. When it comes to work-related stuff, I've always been really frustrated by people who seem to give a shit in general, but just don't give a shit about whatever thing overlaps with my work and affects me, and can't be bothered to even pretend to be sorry that something didn't get done or mistakes were made. But now something I've been trying to get to work right for months is just turning into a bigger and bigger disaster and people are not only angry about this, but they're getting really pissed at me for not acting remorseful and apologetic. I just can't be emotionally invested in something that has failed to give me any emotional rewards. I've been giving this thing my best effort for months and it's just failure after failure. Beating myself up over it is just torturing myself for no reason, since it doesn't fix the problem.

Apparently the happy pills really are making me happier, at least in the sense that I felt like shit when I tried going off them. If this is happy me, what else do I have to do to feel as okay as the happy people around me?

Real answer: find a better job. Still got more applications to do . . .

Bloody stressed out. Centrelink is a pile of shit.

Re: Mental health check in thread

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-14 10:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Mental health check in thread

mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com - 2016-09-14 12:45 (UTC) - Expand

Doing... pretty good? But aware that it's the fragile sort of good that relies on everything going perfectly and could very easily turn into not-good anxiety spiral at something minor. But at the same time I want to enjoy it while it's here.

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