fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3551 ]

[ SECRET POST #3551 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3551 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Star Trek]

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07. [WARNING for non-con]

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08. [WARNING for mentions/discussion of abuse, rape, pedophilia, etc]

[YuGiOh! The Abridged Series, Little Kuriboh]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #507.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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So, I'm overweight. I know this, I'm working on it, and have lost a good amount of weight already. It's not a sensitive topic for me. I'll offhandedly mention it from time to time, and if I happen to mention it in front of my dad, he flips out and gets mad at me. We had lunch together today, and when it came up, instead of ignoring it like I usually do, I tried to figure out why it bothered him so much. He never really gave me an answer (other than that being called fat is horribly, horribly offensive), but he apparently went home to my mom and complained about how much I upset him, and when I talked to her on the phone later, she mentioned it.

So many times when I'm upset about something (and something legitimate, like sexism or racism or homophobia) my dad tells me to "stop being so sensitive and get over it". And ok, so he thinks being called fat is this gigantic insult, fine, I won't call him fat. But when I'm talking about MYSELF, that has nothing to do with him, and is just about the clearest case of "stop being so sensitive and get over it" that I can think of. I mentioned that to my mom and she was like "oh, but it's different with parents, and stuff that has to do with your kid does have to do with you, blah blah blah" which is not a valid excuse to me. Does having a fat daughter somehow reflect badly on him and that's why he gets pissed? I mean, what the hell. I'm an adult, I don't live with him, I pay for my own meals, it's entirely my own fault that I'm fat, it doesn't say anything about him.

My mom told me that I need to just not mention my weight around him anymore since it upsets him so much, and I'm just...baffled. It literally has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM, and there's no reason he should be so horribly upset by me saying I need to lose weight. Considering how he's accused me of being "too sensitive" and overreacting to things and "making everything about me" in the past it's really pissing me off how hypocritical he's being. Grrrr.

Based on what you wrote, it sounds like he was reacting yo you calling yourself fat. Perhaps he is worried about your self esteem.

OP

Idk, it's not like I'm saying "omg, I'm such a pathetic, useless person because I'm fat, I don't deserve to live" or some shit. Saying that I'm fat and need to lose weight has nothing to do with my self esteem, it's just stating reality.

The way you say it, I'd say maybe blames himself for bad parenting for letting you get fat, but I can't be sure.

OP

That's the thing, I didn't even get fat until I was an adult, I was a normal weight until that point. (Went through a breakup which led to questioning my sexuality which led to an existential crisis which led to a bunch of emotional eating.) Like I mentioned, me being overweight is entirely my own fault, so I can't imagine why he'd blame himself. It just doesn't make sense to me, but maybe it's one of those things I'll just never get.

Your dad is projecting pretty hard.

OP

Yeah, probably. Which doesn't even make sense since he's not overweight himself, but who knows...maybe it's one of those things that I'll just never get.

Is he also overweight? Because it sounds to me like this might be a case of getting defensive about your weight loss successful. He might feel guilty that you're doing well because it reminds him that he could do the same if he tried as hard as you are. So by extension, he's blaming you for "making" him feel bad about himself.

But by all means I'd call him on it calmly and civilly-- remind him that he's often criticized you for being oversensitive and overreacting, but that's exactly what he's doing right now.

OP

No, which is one of the things that confuses me. I just...don't get it.

I'm going to just leave it alone for now since the next time I'll see him is at his birthday celebration this weekend, and I don't want to upset him on his birthday, but the next time he accuses me of overreacting to something, I'm definitely going to have to mention it.

Maybe he thinks thinking oneself to be fat is tantamount to hating one's body and self and having really bad self esteem.

Maybe he's worried if you think you're fat, you'll develop an eating disorder.

There are these standard narratives people tend to cling to about how things work (i.e. "self-aknowledged overweight people hate themselves") and it can be hard to break out of that line of thinking.

Well, a lot of people think that "fat" is literally the worst thing a person can be, so maybe he's upset that you're acknowledging it. Like, by saying you're fat (just as a matter of facts), you're actually saying you're an unlovable monster.

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[ SECRET POST #3551 ]

My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off

Re: My dad is acting like a child and it's pissing me off