fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3570 ]

[ SECRET POST #3570 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3570 ⌋

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So afraid I'll get a lot of shit for this but please hear me out before you yell. I am not trolling, this is a legitimate post.

I see a lot of self diagnosed autistic people on Tumblr who seem very fake and it bothers me a lot. Does anyone else question the validity of people's autism even if you never say anything about it to avoid getting hate?

I understand everybody presents it differently and there is no such thing as 'looking' autistic, but I feel like a lot of people there self diagnose because it's trendy.

I see this with mental illness too. Borderline personality disorder looks like the current favorite. I can't help questioning the validity of people who have long lists of mental illnesses in their descriptions.

What makes autism and mental illness so popular?

How come I don't see something like Tourette's in the lists outside of people who post in the Tourette's tags?

I feel like a bad person for questioning at all.

I preface this with the acknowledgment that this is a shitty opinion completely lacking in empathy and compassion:

I think a significant percentage of these people want an excuse for being failures. It's not THEIR fault. Its the [disorder/neuro-atypical condition] that's keeping them from succeeding in life. Even if they try their hardest and fail, there's a safety net to fall back on. It wasn't because they're not good enough, it's because of this condition that wasn't going to let them get anywhere in the first place.

AFAIK, on tumblr, those list are basically warnings in terms of what people should be considerate about.

Then again, as someone who did suffer mental illness (and didn't really have great doctors, so no consistent diagnoses) - labels absolutely can help. Both in terms of what kind of benefits/help you're entitled to, which medication would work AND on a personal level so you have a "box" to explain and tell to people.

So, in that sense, I can understand the whole phenomenon of "feeling or even knowing something is off with you' and picking a label that fits. Hell, I'm an adult now, and still suspect I might have ADD or something else I'm not diagnosed with.

And the problem is people won't even take you seriously with a label, let alone without one.

As for lists of mental illnesses - well, to be fair, some do come in clusters.

Don't get me wrong: self-diagnosing is a pest, but I can see where it comes from.

Edited 2016-10-13 01:52 (UTC)

I often and freely find myself thinking, "Well that sounds fake," when I encounter such cases, and I don't feel bad about it. But I also don't feel the need to question their claims any further. It's not like these are people I have to deal with on a regular basis.

Now, if it were someone I'm forced into constant contact with...

Yeah. It's complicated. I think that some people probably self-diagnose correctly, some people self-diagnose incorrectly (and in a lot of cases this is probably more a question of, like, identifying yourself as someone with depression when you actually have bipolar, or something like that), and some people are trying to actively perform mental illness for whatever reason.

There are a few different things that I kind of try to keep in mind here.

First, I think that all diagnosis is imprecise on some level, and self-diagnosis, especially sincere self-diagnosis, isn't intrinsically incorrect. It's definitely less precise and more prone to errors, and should be taken by everyone, including the person involved, with a little bit of uncertainty. It should be understood as rougher and more general and less definite. But it can also be really helpful to start someone on their way towards self-understanding, and it can improve their lives to start getting a handle on what's going on in there head, and I would hate to ever dismiss people who are doing that. Especially since there are really legitimate reasons why accessing the mental health system can be difficult, especially in the United States. And ultimately, even diagnosis by mental health professionals can be incorrect and is an approximation. So I don't think it's wrong in itself.

Second, I think in general, the people who are trying to perform mental illness - which is probably the most "problematic" variety of self-diagnosis - are more to be pitied than despised. I think that's probably in itself indicative of some kind of pain or dysfunction. I'm not saying it's right by any means, and I think it should stop, but I don't think it's usually vicious or evil, either. People have some kind of profound issue with their self-conception, or some kind of deep need for external validation - I think those are the people who are really doing what you're talking about.

So are there times when you're more skeptical of someone's claim to mental illness? Yeah, absolutely. But I try to keep in mind that it's really not something that you can know for sure, and I think there are very few times when it's really my business to try to call someone out on it anyway, so I mostly keep my counsel to myself, I guess.

That's just how I think about it.

I sometimes feel the way you do. A knee-jerk reaction of 'that can't possibly be real' followed by guilt because what do I know?

It's just that sometimes it almost feels as if some people are proud to have whatever illness it is they have. And I'm not saying having any kind of (mental) illness is something to be ashamed of, but proud? It doesn't really make you special/better, it's just a part of your life.

And then I remember the first time a doctor told me it might be a good idea to see a therapist and how I cried even though I knew it was probably for the best. And I remember that I didn't use the words 'depression' or 'anxiety' even though I'd been going to a therapist for ages and had used medication for a while, all because those words felt so heavy to me. Like, yes, I'm going through a rough time, but does that really fit me? Even if yeah, it did. I'm comfortable enough with it now to mention it if it's truly relevant, same as I would any other medical condition, but I still don't get why anyone would advertise it.

But then, it is the internet and especially on tumblr it's perhaps easier to be open about these things than IRL. I've tried to open up about my problems, but I rarely if ever get the support you're supposed to get in these cases, so I get why people might want to put it all online.

I always have a knee jerk reaction to "armchair diagnosis." I always automatically assume that people say "I'm X!" just to get away with acting like twats on the Internet. People who actually have said illness usually will try NOT to draw attention to it and generally don't use it as an excuse to be shitlords, from what I've seen at least.

Tourettes isn't heard of because it's not as "glamorous" or "cool" and only generally works in real life (Motor/Vocal tics usually don't effect what you type or how you act.) You can't be an ass and then say "Oh, I have Tourettes, I don't know any better!" because it doesn't work that way.

People who actually have said illness usually will try NOT to draw attention to it and generally don't use it as an excuse to be shitlords, from what I've seen at least.

This is, to be frank, an incredibly broad overgeneralization about how people with mental illness behave. It is really not something you can generalize that much.

Which is why I used words like "usually" and "generally." I'm aware that you really can't say "This is how people with X act, no exceptions" which is why I chose words that have some wiggle room in them.

It's not a question of "a little bit of wiggle room", it's a massive generalization. And you're using that generalization as evidence that people who fall outside those lines aren't really mentally ill. So.

Never said that. You're reading into things that aren't there. So.

DA

I'm autistic and tried to write a post in the #actuallyautistic tags about how we should respect neurotypical spaces to some degree. Things like using smaller stims if possible or sitting someplace less visible if they need to stim in a way that's distracting to people around them.

You'd think I asked them to murder a kitten. I got anon hate calling me ableist and people made passive aggressive posts about "but what's small enough?" or "how will I know what's bothering other people?"

I tried to be as specific as possible and people found loopholes anyway, like they expect every scenario spelled out in detail or it doesn't count. It felt less like "I genuinely don't get this" and more like "aha, loophole!"

Maybe I'm bitter and jaded, but I thought polite people aren't supposed to impinge on others in public whenever possible. That means don't make noise and don't annoy the people around you in a situation where attention is focused up front, like class or a church sermon. I said there are situations where someone can't be quiet(ie they need to vocal stim a certain way or have tourettes tics that are noisy), and those people might have to bow out of the activity or find a place where noise is allowed like relaxed theater performances.

Somebody who screams in a library will get kicked out regardless of their disability status. Somebody who makes noise in churches or classrooms will be asked to leave unless they offer an explanation for why they make noises or movements. They will still be disruptive, though.

I tried to spell that all out and it wasn't enough. I still got called an ableist and talked to like I'm trash. I lost a lot of respect for the people in those tags that day. I don't say anything on the subject anymore because I have witnessed how vicious people on Tumblr can get and I don't want to get chewed up and spit out.

Yikes, sorry that happened to you. Sometimes, people just want to score their points on the Internet, and there is no winning with them. It wouldn't matter how many clarifications you issued; like you said, they were just looking for the loopholes. There's no way to carry on a conversation with people like that.

I'm sorry this happened to you, anon.

If it helps at all, I promise to remember this comment if I'm ever feeling aggravated by people like the ones you're describing. I'll think about your comment, and about how the majority of autistic people are like you, so that I don't end up feeling angry at an entire group of people who deserve support, simply because there are a vocal few who use their status as an excuse to be jerks.

AYRT

Thanks, that means a lot. It bothers me that on Tumblr you are either a perfect cinnamon roll or you are problematic trash and the line between that is saying or doing one thing wrong at the wrong moment.

I think it shows what kind of loyalty people have if they think status is more important than friendship or a person's feelings. It's hypocritical seeing them act like they're above criticism when they won't offer the same leeway to someone else.

Sometimes I ache to say "we can't expect neurotypicals to respect us if we don't show them any respect."

Because I know I'll get a flood of "they never fucking respected us so why do we have to respect them?!"

Basic human respect is a given, yes. Everyone should get that.

Respect on a personal level, respect that gets you heard, has to be earned. The noisy "you're ableist!" portion of the autistic community can't grasp that and as a result they're screaming into the void.

Then again, autistic people's voices often get ignored anyway. I understand perfectly the frustration. But reblogging the post of a mom who talks about putting her child in ABA and calling her an abuser doesn't make anyone want to listen to us.

I really think a lot of them do that for the sake of being seen tearing another "awful autism mom" down and not for the benefit of the autistic kid being talked about in the post. What's more sad is those community members think they're helping when they aren't.

Mob mentality sucks. I hate that I can't say anything without risking being ostracized, betrayed and having my dox all over Tumblr.

I am frequently tempted to make a sideblog to say what I long to say, except I've already maxed out my sideblog limit, plus it'll get blocked in two seconds flat by everyone in the tag.

I know what you mean. I ended a friendship over someone claiming to be on the spectrum after taking an internet quiz, and using the results as an excuse to act like a fucking asshole: you can't criticize anything I do because I'm autistic. Granted they had reason to be somewhat wary of docs, as one had told them to "pray harder" if they wanted to be healed. That's beyond fucked up, but so is claiming to be autistic and treating it as an excuse for shitty behavior!

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[ SECRET POST #3570 ]

"Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.) DA

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.) DA

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.) DA

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.) AYRT

Re: "Self-dx" on Tumblr... (Please hear this out.)